the DAILY JOKE thread!!!

[obe10]

Quote:

 

[RedHead]

one more chuck norris

 

[big greg barker]

What do you call a busload of lawyers going over a cliff?
A GOOD START!!
definition of a darn shame: The empty seat on the abovementioned bus!

 

[Fowl97]

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance
Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of thIn 1991,
Chuck Norris shot a 14 on an 18 hole golf course, falling short of his
personal best by 2 strokes
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
http://4q.cc/index.php?pid=top100&person=chuck

 

[Miss Sebright]

Jeez.... you guys sure like chuck norris!

 

[thechickenchick]

How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?

Just one, if you run him through real slow.

 

[greenfamilyfarms]

Since it is getting closer to Halloween...

Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.

 

[Fowl97]

i love c norris jokes

 

[DinosRBirds]

Alright, my turn. A magician on a cruise ship has a parrot. The parrot soon learns his tricks.Finally the parrot starts to ruin the show. he says,Rawwc he's putting it up his sleeve. Rawwwwc heis putting it in his pocket. He does this at every show. Finally the magician decides he's had enough. the next show, the bird ruins the act again . the magician takes out a pistol, and shoots at the parrot. The parrot ducks, and the bullet misses him. it hits a propane tank, andblows up the whole ship. the only survivors are the parrot and the magician.they have made a small floating pile of wood out of the parts of the ship they can find and are sitting on it.
Finally the parrot speaks. He goes, alright, i give up, where did you put the dang boat?---joke by Ron White the comedian.

 

[Zinnia-Hen]

The only known cure for cancer is Chuck Norris's tears. Oh wait, he never cries!