The Evolution of Atlas: A Breeding (and Chat) Thread

[oldhenlikesdogs]

Don't remember that one, will have to look it up. I was mostly 70's.

Oh, wait, yes I do know that! I just never knew the title, LOL.

My husband likes the 70's music more, and I do too now. Though my favorite is from the 50's. We used to play my mother's oldies but goodies records when we were kids.

 

[getaclue]

Thank you for explaining things better. Now I have a much clearer picture of things. You might try calling the local high school, and see if they have a summer job program. Many do, and you can hire a teen, for a reasonable rate to help you do the things you mentioned.

 

[speckledhen]

Thank you for explaining things better. Now I have a much clearer picture of things. You might try calling the local high school, and see if they have a summer job program. Many do, and you can hire a teen, for a reasonable rate to help you do the things you mentioned.

I wish we'd thought further ahead and/or kept looking for a different house, but I guess no one really knows what the future will bring. I was joking that we should fence a section around the house and barn with privacy fencing and let whatever is on the outside of it go to pot, LOL.

 

[brucifer]

Hey Cyn, sorry to hear that you're having trouble getting some outside things done due to your husband's injury. I can come up one weekend and put in a good four hours for you if you like. Just let me know ahead of time what needs to be done and a range of dates that work for you. I'm not a Spring chicken anymore, but fencing, chainsaw work, clearing, mowing; I can do it all. (I used to own a tree service.) My son can help, and you can chat with my wife Lisa (although she's a workaholic and will probably want to jump in and help out...lol) Just let me know. I'm serious, and no charge; I just want to help you get back on your feet. I know how it is when you feel like you've had the wind knocked out of you. Talk it over with your husband, and let me know.

BTW, missed you at the BYC picnic. Would have loved to have seen you there.

 

[speckledhen]

Hey Cyn, sorry to hear that you're having trouble getting some outside things done due to your husband's injury. I can come up one weekend and put in a good four hours for you if you like. Just let me know ahead of time what needs to be done and a range of dates that work for you. I'm not a Spring chicken anymore, but fencing, chainsaw work, clearing, mowing; I can do it all. (I used to own a tree service.) My son can help, and you can chat with my wife Lisa (although she's a workaholic and will probably want to jump in and help out...lol) Just let me know. I'm serious, and no charge; I just want to help you get back on your feet. I know how it is when you feel like you've had the wind knocked out of you. Talk it over with your husband, and let me know.

BTW, missed you at the BYC picnic. Would have loved to have seen you there.

I am speechless. Bruce, that is the kindest offer ever, but I can't ask you to do that, though it sounds like a fun afternoon. Tom's issues are ongoing and we'll have to deal with them for the rest of our lives. I guess if we have to let stuff go around here go for awhile, we can let it go. Heck, hardly anyone but us ever sees it. It's just that the chaos and disorder gets to both of us at times. Both having worked in real estate, we are haunted by visions of perfect order, LOL. What I may have to do is override him, though I have never done that, and hire someone myself to do work a couple of days when it quits raining and all this dries out. But, you are such a sweetheart to offer, and I am very touched.

 

[brucifer]

Well, before you say "absolutely, positively, unequivocally no," think it over a bit more, and talk it over with your husband. I already talked to Lisa about it, and it is fine with her. We're available this Sat., Sun., Mon., and Tues. We could also make it the following weekend. With all this rain we've been having, things are going to grow quickly. I've got plenty to keep me busy here (i.e., building a new layer coop and run, taking care of 80+ birds, etc.), but it's really no problem taking a day out to help you. You have helped so many people at BYC alone over the past 10 years, so it's only fair if you get some help when you need it. Again, just think about it, and let me know. Also, if you would like a couple of my FBCM pullets, I could give you those as well. Take care.

 

[speckledhen]

Oh, Bruce, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know exactly what my husband would say, though. He would not accept such a generous offer. I'd be surprised if he would even consider it. He is one who never wants to be a burden to anyone, would never take advantage, would never allow someone to help without paying them for their work. What we both see though is someone neither of us really knows, though you and I have spoken quite a bit through PM and on the forum, offering to lend a very generous hand when family would never do it. They live much closer to us than you do-you'd have a 2-3 hour drive to get here-my friend, Karen (lockedhearts) lives in Bowdon and my grandfather's farm was in Carrollton, so I know about where you are- then work like a mule and have the same drive back and we'd feel far too guilty!

We've watched his younger brother be all too happy to expect folks to give things to him and do things for him and give him money and be babied and made excuses for as if he's owed it for some unknown reason and Tom backs as far away from that type of person as he can. He just told his oldest younger sister that he will never burden his family that way. His other sister, after stressing over looking after his brother (terminal, dying of COPD and calling her constantly at work-she works two jobs-, saying he just had to have apple pie, though he's supposedly a diabetic, etc, etc), had told my husband that if he got in a bad way, we'd have to move closer to where they live in Marietta so she could take care of him because she was not driving up here-he said she'd never have to worry about that, he'd NEVER, EVER be that kind of burden to his family, me included. I also told her I'd sooner open my wrists than live in the city or anywhere in metro Atlanta, LOL.

So, this is the man I love and where he's coming from, and it can be a challenge at times. I told him the other day that, though I don't have degenerative disc disease (though I do have osteopenia and was told there are micro-fractures in my spine, no pain from it, though, plus a stiff ankle, but oh boy has collagen helped!), and I'm strong and healthier than most city women, I'm still not a farm mule and my stamina and ability is limited, that we may eventually have to hire someone to do something or the jungle will just take over. He knows this but he resists. We have to keep moving, of course, or we'll turn to stone. I think if he didn't have this place or the chickens to take care of, he'd never leave the house. In a way, it's good for him, though it causes him pain.

Okay, enough rambling. You are such a fine man, Mr. Bruce. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate just the thought that someone would offer to do that for us, you have no idea.

 

[brucifer]

Cyn, I respect your decision, but just know that it's open if you and your husband ever change your minds.

Also, I used to share your husband's mindset regarding not accepting help from anyone. When I was young, self-sufficient, and my health was in perfect order, that seemed like the way I should be, but as I saw my parents age and their health deteriorate, I realized that we are not always going to be entirely independent. There are times when health issues put us in a position of needing help. Ideally, family and close friends should be there to step in, but that doesn't seem to be the case in many instances these days. Children today are often so caught up in their own lives that they forget where they came from and the responsibilities that should not even be asked - such as helping their parents. My older kids are the same way. Hopefully, they'll have a reawakening one day.

I was close with my mother, and I used to tell her, "Mom, if anything ever happens to dad, you're coming to stay with me." I would get tickled with her answer. She would always say, "I would no more live with you than the man in the moon." She was a proud person, so I understood where she was coming from, but I knew I would be there if she needed me. She passed on before my father did, so I never had the opportunity to be there for her in that regard. My son and I did go Reno, NV, to get my dad at his request, and he came to live with us in Villa Rica/Carrollton for awhile. I didn't see him as a burden. He was my dad. He has since passed on, and it's been three years now.

The person who really changed my mind in terms of accepting help was a dear, late friend of mine, Dula Trahan. She was a Cajun lady who lived on a farm in the rural Acadiana region of Louisiana. Although she had lived on a farm all her life, in her mid-50s she went to Haiti and started an orphanage. I went to Haiti several times with her and stayed and helped at the orphanage. I was always amazed at the drive she had for those kids and how even into her 80s she would travel into the rough back country of Haiti. Sometimes it seemed as if she was fearless and had access to a font of stamina that never ran dry. She would go anywhere for those orphans. I honestly enjoyed helping Dula any way I could. She was the salt of the Earth.

What changed my way of thinking is that Dula one day wanted to help me with something. It may have been financial. I can't quite remember exactly what it was. However, my knee-jerk response was to her was, "No, I'm okay. Thank you though." Her response to me in turn shocked me. Without skipping a beat she said, "You're selfish." In my own mind, I never wanted to be a burden to Dula. But, this was a woman with whom I had traveled with to the ends of the Earth, for whom I had sacrificed my time and my resources to help, and she was now calling me "selfish"? I was taken back, so I had to ask her, "How am I being selfish? I said I didn't need any help. How is THAT selfish?" Her response was, "You're preventing God from blessing others because you won't allow others to help you." I thought, "What???" At first what she said didn't make sense to me, but after I thought on it awhile, I came to understand and accept her point of view.

That conversation has always stuck with me. I came to realize that people were placed on this Earth to help one another. Each of us won't always be in a place where we can be totally independent, and pride should not stop us from receiving help when we really need it. The pride part was the tough part for me. My mother was a proud person, and she raised her children to be the same way. That was ingrained in me from a young age. The idea of taking charity from anyone was anathema. It was always more blessed to give than to receive, so we should never receive help from anyone.

As far of those who take advantage selfishly and who abuse the generosity of others, it's easy to detect those kind of people. It's obvious that you and your husband are not among that lot, so that's the least of my concern.

Cyn, I understand that you don't know me that well, and that's a valid consideration. I also agree that family should be there to help you first, and I'm sorry that they are not as helpful as perhaps they should be. I just hope that at some point you and your husband can find a way through the help of others to maintain your lifestyle in the setting that you love. I don't like seeing your world close in on you and your husband because of health issues. In light of it all, offering to help you out for a half a day seemed like a relatively easy thing to do and could make a worthwhile difference.

Anyway, let me know if you change your mind somewhere down the road. Sorry if this came off as preachy. I don't mean it to be. Take care.

 

[oldhenlikesdogs]

We wouldn't be accepting any help here either except from close family that we can order around. My husband and I both have ways of doing things, and so far we haven't decided who's doing things right, him or me. I can't imagine having outside help, it would drive us crazy. So I understand turning you down. Some of old stubborn mules are best left alone.

 

[brucifer]

For the most part, I do everything around here - carpentry, plumbing, roofing, building the coops and pens, tree work, etc., and I'm VERY particular. For example, I hired a crew to cut my lawn last year when my lawn tractor was out of commission. I paid extra to have the job done right. When one of the crewmen intentionally broken a limb on our red dogwood tree because it was in his way and then carelessly ran over my wife's favorite rose bush, it was GAME OVER.

I'm not always successful, but I TRY to treat my family members with respect, especially my wife. As the old saying goes, "If you treat her like a filly, you'll never wind up with a nag." And, my wife is an angel to me. I feel VERY fortunate...(and she loves chickens too!) Just a word of advice: if you don't treat your family members with respect, it may come back to bite you one day.

I don't offer to help just anybody, so I doubt I would be offering you help. If I detect an attitude, no appreciation, selfishness, or being on the take, I go the other way.

One other thing, you're not in Cyn's shoes, so let's just hope that the day doesn't come when you and your hubby can't do what needs to be done and that no one from your family will help. You may never think that day will happen, but things can change in a day. It's easy to say what you would or wouldn't do when the sun is shining and you're riding on a cloud. I saw my parents, who were VERY independent people, and who lived on the other side of the continent from me, basically abandoned by my sisters, brothers, and close friends when the going got rough. Fair-weather kids and friends don't impress me much. I have NO CONTACT with my siblings to this day mainly because of how they treated my parents in their time of need. They're on the west coast anyway, so that makes it that much easier.