The Front Porch Swing

[luvblues7]

Ibjaran. I don't claim to be wise and I know there are others here that will be able to address your situation better than I but I would like to take a stab at it.

There are people in this world that have a "head" knowledge of God and they are seeking after wealth and health and all the earthly gains and pleasures that can be obtained while living this life. Then there are people that have a "heart" knowledge of God and they are looking for that inter peace and blessings that come after death. Both groups may appear to be "religious" but there is a vast difference in the two groups. Just because someone claims to believe in God doesn't mean they have total trust in God. True religion is in the heart or soul of a person not in outward appearance. We are all born sinners but it's what we do after coming to that knowledge that is life changing.

Now as for discipling a child each child is different. I raised two wonderful daughters that are as different as daylight and dark. One I had to spank three or four times a day while the other would be heartbroken if I just gave her "the look". Each child was loved and I would have given my life gladly for either daughter but I had to use different manners of punishment for each. Both grew to be wonderful mothers themselves.

Life will bring many changes for you some good some not so good but all will mold you. It's your choice if they will have a positive or negative effect on you.

 

[SonRise Silkies]

Ibjaran. I don't claim to be wise and I know there are others here that will be able to address your situation better than I but I would like to take a stab at it.

There are people in this world that have a "head" knowledge of God and they are seeking after wealth and health and all the earthly gains and pleasures that can be obtained while living this life. Then there are people that have a "heart" knowledge of God and they are looking for that inter peace and blessings that come after death. Both groups may appear to be "religious" but there is a vast difference in the two groups. Just because someone claims to believe in God doesn't mean they have total trust in God. True religion is in the heart or soul of a person not in outward appearance. We are all born sinners but it's what we do after coming to that knowledge that is life changing.

Now as for discipling a child each child is different. I raised two wonderful daughters that are as different as daylight and dark. One I had to spank three or four times a day while the other would be heartbroken if I just gave her "the look". Each child was loved and I would have given my life gladly for either daughter but I had to use different manners of punishment for each. Both grew to be wonderful mothers themselves.

Life will bring many changes for you some good some not so good but all will mold you. It's your choice if they will have a positive or negative effect on you.

AMEN!

 

[Blooie]

While I was growing up I kept a list of all the things I was never going to do to my children. High on that list were 2 things - I was never going to spank them and I was never going to make them go to church. There were other things, of course, like make them clean their rooms and then "inspect" them afterwards, but I digress. (Again. <sigh>)

We didn't get spanked very often but I can tell you looking back that I don't recall a hand ever being laid to a backside that wasn't well deserved. And that was despite my parents both having alcohol issues. But here's the key thing - I have to really think back to remember those spankings - they aren't the first thing I think of when I remember my childhood so they obviously couldn't have been that traumatic. What I remember is laughter and teasing and Ma making nothing into supper for 7 people. And hugs. When we did get a spanking, after a few minutes the "spanker" would come into our room, hold out his/her arms, and just hug us. Ma said "The most important part of the spanking is the hug afterwards. That's how you tell your kids that the spanking wasn't because they were bad, it was because they were good but had deliberately decided to do something so bad that it needed to be stopped."

I hated going to church. I felt so out of place, bored, and the more they woke us up on Sunday morning and braided our hair, put us into shiny shoes that pinched, and made us sit still through lectures and badly sung hymns the more I hated it. Not the message - I rarely heard a word that was said up there anyway. My toes hurt and my butt hurt and that person up there could have cared less. The notion that in order for the world to see me as a"good kid" I had to sit still for an hour and prove it stuck in my craw. So one particularly rebellious morning - I think I was 13 or so - I told Dad that I wasn't going to go anymore. I didn't ask him if I could stay home. I simply told him I wasn't going, and then I waited for the explosion. It never came.

He said, "Fine. I don't think you need to go anymore either." Um, excuse me? Who are you and what have you done with my dad?? He passed the toast to Ma, who sat there with her jaw dropped open. Dad said, "The purpose for church is to worship something bigger than yourself and remind you of your place in the Good Lord's world. You are a good girl. You're respectful, helpful, and you know God the way you see Him. You know where He fits in your life, and if you don't think sitting in church is making your faith any stronger then you and God will just walk the rest of the way together. He'll help you more than the minister will."

And that's when I became what I call a Golden Ruler. No, it's not a cult. There isn't a building for it or a leader of it. It's just me and the Good Lord living within me. I think everything there is to be learned about faith and goodness, everything the Bible teaches, every word ever spoken by a minister, Rabbi, priest, or preacher and every off-key hymn can be summed up in those simple words. It doesn't need flowery words for a reminder, and it's my rock. It's living as well as I can, making mistakes, making up for those mistakes, and doing better the next time, knowing that that is all God asks of me. It's remembering that I didn't want someone lecturing me about all of the ways I was bad, ordering me to do this or that in order to prove my faith, so I don't have the moral superiority to impose my faith and beliefs on someone else. It's the comfort of knowing that when I find people of like values, it's okay to share but never okay to force. Seems to me a misplaced case of moral superiority is what your boss is suffering from, and unfortunately there is no way to deal with that kind of personality.

Um, I forgot the question.......

 

[LBejaran]

Good Morning!

You are going to meet all kinds of people in the workplace. Your boss is probably thinking he is 'teaching/guiding' you. As time goes on, you will be able to tell him what you think. Do it in a way that doesn't step on his toes. Some people like to argue/debate. Is he that type? Does he like to 'yank your chain'?

Check out Matt. 5:45 : ...For He maketh His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. I have met people who barely make ends meet and they are very rich in God's blessings. I have also ran across people too who think because they are well-to-do, that they have a special connection to God. HOGWASH!

I am glad you are selective in who you go out with. Ignore the 'fat-shamers' and go with your heart (brain). Whether it is you or my daughter, just be careful. It is a crazy world out there.

You are a special lady and I wish the best for you.

Lisa

I'm not the one he's telling these things to (probably because he doesn't feel I need it because I don't have kids). He just speaks very loudly in the office and on the phone. However, I do feel it is disrespectful of him to make fun of parents who don't want to spank their kids...or to make psychology seem like a big joke. Having an understanding of the human brain is important.

To this family, it seems as though living in a rich, suburban neighborhood is what God's willing them to do. I, personally, think a guy with nine kids needs to get a freakin' farm because those kids will need room to run. What does bother me is that he always talks about my hometown as though it's some sort of ghetto. He wants to move to Austin and that's great. The place is nice, there are great schools, the community is very accepting. But when I told him my cousin (who is a marketing director with a Master's Degree) moved back home so she could help local businesses, he immediately said, "Wow, I can't believe she'd do that! It'll be impossible to find work down here!"

As a business owner, he should know that businesses start up here all the time. A good percentage of businesses are successful because the region is growing and we are building up a very nice local downtown shopping district. I don't care if he wants to move, but I do think he should respect his home.

I've never dated before. High school and college were such a blur and I was too good for all the boys there. I knew in my heart that they'd keep me back from something. Who knew it'd be chickens?

Ibjaran. I don't claim to be wise and I know there are others here that will be able to address your situation better than I but I would like to take a stab at it.

There are people in this world that have a "head" knowledge of God and they are seeking after wealth and health and all the earthly gains and pleasures that can be obtained while living this life. Then there are people that have a "heart" knowledge of God and they are looking for that inter peace and blessings that come after death. Both groups may appear to be "religious" but there is a vast difference in the two groups. Just because someone claims to believe in God doesn't mean they have total trust in God. True religion is in the heart or soul of a person not in outward appearance. We are all born sinners but it's what we do after coming to that knowledge that is life changing.

Now as for discipling a child each child is different. I raised two wonderful daughters that are as different as daylight and dark. One I had to spank three or four times a day while the other would be heartbroken if I just gave her "the look". Each child was loved and I would have given my life gladly for either daughter but I had to use different manners of punishment for each. Both grew to be wonderful mothers themselves.

Life will bring many changes for you some good some not so good but all will mold you. It's your choice if they will have a positive or negative effect on you.

I've come to see this man as someone who looks for and sees opportunity wherever he goes. Ambition is a good thing, especially for a business owner. What I don't appreciate is his inability to see wealth in any other way. I feel I am so wealthy. I have the ability to paint and my hands don't shake like my sister's and my Mom's hands. My eyes, even though I need glasses, are able to take in colors and I can mix them just right to make it work. I feel that is a very special gift from God.

This man likens his wealth to gifts. He wants to open another business and work at another job, but I think personally think the world is trying to slow him down so he can see this business. This shop could be super successful if he'd put more time and effort into it. Maybe it's selfish of me to want this place to be better (after all, the success of the shop is pays for my paycheck). However, I do want him to see how lucky he is.

I can see why disciplining children is important. I'm not against spanking a child that needs to be spanked. I just don't understand how he keeps saying it's God's ideal for us to spank our kids. There are other ways to discipline children. You can't really reason with a toddler but I think a lot of discipline has to do with our tone of voice and the way we hold ourselves.

I've babysat two year old boys before and they were just plain mischievous. Both were drawing when they started throwing around colored pencils. My younger sister tried to plead with them to stop and I just gave them a look, stood tall and said, "No". Both just looked at me, raised the pencils and again I made sure to stay firm and say no. Slowly, they both lowered their pencils to the paper and gave me a look. I said they could keep drawing but if they tried to throw anymore, I'd take the pencils away and they'd have to go to bed early. That got them calmed down.

Not all kids will be like that. At some point, you'll encounter an awful child who just doesn't know how to quiet down or how to not be a total brat. Spanking will totally come into play then. I just don't think he's sending out the right message by disrespecting parents who don't think spanking is for them. I totally get their point of view, too. Children looks like adorable little angels and who wants to see them cry? I spanked a puppy once for trying to bite a chick and he looked like he was about to crawl into a corner and cry. However, some children learn that way. And some don't need that because a stern voice and a subtle threat is enough.

 

[LBejaran]

While I was growing up I kept a list of all the things I was never going to do to my children. High on that list were 2 things - I was never going to spank them and I was never going to make them go to church. There were other things, of course, like make them clean their rooms and then "inspect" them afterwards, but I digress. (Again. <sigh>)

We didn't get spanked very often but I can tell you looking back that I don't recall a hand ever being laid to a backside that wasn't well deserved. And that was despite my parents both having alcohol issues. But here's the key thing - I have to really think back to remember those spankings - they aren't the first thing I think of when I remember my childhood so they obviously couldn't have been that traumatic. What I remember is laughter and teasing and Ma making nothing into supper for 7 people. And hugs. When we did get a spanking, after a few minutes the "spanker" would come into our room, hold out his/her arms, and just hug us. Ma said "The most important part of the spanking is the hug afterwards. That's how you tell your kids that the spanking wasn't because they were bad, it was because they were good but had deliberately decided to do something so bad that it needed to be stopped."

I hated going to church. I felt so out of place, bored, and the more they woke us up on Sunday morning and braided our hair, put us into shiny shoes that pinched, and made us sit still through lectures and badly sung hymns the more I hated it. Not the message - I rarely heard a word that was said up there anyway. My toes hurt and my butt hurt and that person up there could have cared less. The notion that in order for the world to see me as a"good kid" I had to sit still for an hour and prove it stuck in my craw. So one particularly rebellious morning - I think I was 13 or so - I told Dad that I wasn't going to go anymore. I didn't ask him if I could stay home. I simply told him I wasn't going, and then I waited for the explosion. It never came.

He said, "Fine. I don't think you need to go anymore either." Um, excuse me? Who are you and what have you done with my dad?? He passed the toast to Ma, who sat there with her jaw dropped open. Dad said, "The purpose for church is to worship something bigger than yourself and remind you of your place in the Good Lord's world. You are a good girl. You're respectful, helpful, and you know God the way you see Him. You know where He fits in your life, and if you don't think sitting in church is making your faith any stronger then you and God will just walk the rest of the way together. He'll help you more than the minister will."

And that's when I became what I call a Golden Ruler. No, it's not a cult. There isn't a building for it or a leader of it. It's just me and the Good Lord living within me. I think everything there is to be learned about faith and goodness, everything the Bible teaches, every word ever spoken by a minister, Rabbi, priest, or preacher and every off-key hymn can be summed up in those simple words. It doesn't need flowery words for a reminder, and it's my rock. It's living as well as I can, making mistakes, making up for those mistakes, and doing better the next time, knowing that that is all God asks of me. It's remembering that I didn't want someone lecturing me about all of the ways I was bad, ordering me to do this or that in order to prove my faith, so I don't have the moral superiority to impose my faith and beliefs on someone else. It's the comfort of knowing that when I find people of like values, it's okay to share but never okay to force. Seems to me a misplaced case of moral superiority is what your boss is suffering from, and unfortunately there is no way to deal with that kind of personality.

Um, I forgot the question.......

When my Dad spanked me, he always told me why and I'd cry because 1) it was shocking and 2) I knew I'd done wrong. Afterwards, he'd tell me he was sorry but I couldn't behave that way. So I learned.

We stopped going to church when I was about ten. We got busy and then weekends were for sleeping in. Every time we go to church now, it feels so stuffy and frustrating. I can go outside, pick up an egg and say, "This is God's little miracle, every single day of the week" and I'll experience a rush of excitement. I go to church and I just feel vaguely uncomfortable.

See and that's what we did! Mom used to wake us up early, make sure we were dressed and we'd all go into church and sit for the hour. We always went to a spanish mass, too, so I could never understand what the heck the priest was saying. Sometimes, if we were lucky, we'd go to an English mass and I would listen in whenever Mom told me to. She liked for me to hear the stories told because she thought I'd appreciate them more than the normal sermon.

Nowadays, I look at faith differently. I think I'm just going to have to keep mine strong while working here.

 

[LeslieDJoyce]

He probably sees his business as an extension of his personal space. If he gets loud about his personal opinions, is there a door you can helpfully close so he can "have some privacy" when he gets loud about personal stuff? Conversations you can move away from? "I'll give you two a minute ..." I presume he doesn't do this where customers can hear ... Some stuff you can't say at work without inviting a law suit or harassment charges. But this sounds a long way from that.

What's your goal? To change him? To vent? To report him if he is saying stuff that's illegal? How is your goal different from his?

 

[LBejaran]

He probably sees his business as an extension of his personal space. If he gets loud about his personal opinions, is there a door you can helpfully close so he can "have some privacy" when he gets loud about personal stuff? Conversations you can move away from? "I'll give you two a minute ..." I presume he doesn't do this where customers can hear ... Some stuff you can't say at work without inviting a law suit or harassment charges. But this sounds a long way from that.

What's your goal? To change him? To vent? To report him if he is saying stuff that's illegal? How is your goal different from his?

The only separation from he and I most of the time is a swinging door that isn't closed right and a curtain...a thin, thin curtain.

I think I just wanted to get this off my chest. I'm unused to people being that forthcoming with their opinions while also being a bit rude to others who don't see things the way he does. I think it was the brashness of his argument that frustrated me. I don't care that much if he spanks his kids. I see nothing wrong with sharing your own experience with others. I do think it's rude if you push your argument on people who just don't agree. There isn't any need unless they want to change or to understand a new perspective.

Most of the time, I'd let it go. In fact, I'm letting it go now. I'm not angry or frustrated anymore. However, I will remember that this guy likens himself to a great preacher but the greatest preachers I've ever heard have some humility and he doesn't seem to have much at all.

 

[LeslieDJoyce]

Anyone miss the fact that now there is a comprehensive, safe, and effective way to protect poultry health?

 

[LBejaran]

Anyone miss the fact that now there is a comprehensive, safe, and effective way to protect poultry health?

 

[Triple Willow]

@Ibejaran... you are going to run into some real t-total jerks (to put it very nicely) in life. This guys sounds like a light weight compared to some of the people I have worked with. I had to deal with total immorality where I worked - affairs were as common as toilet paper, women getting pregnant by another married man than their own, married men having same sex affairs, our married bosses trying to have relationships or a fling with employees (one did several times), employees having sex in the office at work -on the boss' desk, the boss coming to work drinking, employees coming to work drunk, people telling lies on you trying to get you fired, people making up lies about your personal life because they didn't like you, yada yada yada... I sure DON'T miss my job! LOL Your boss might be a jerk but it could be much much MUCH worse.