The Front Porch Swing

[Triple Willow]

@Jmoeller... Good for Jeremiah! I would have hugged that boy to death and treated him to something really special that he liked. And I would probably still be raising 110 kinds of heck at that school! If kids would stand up for each other there wouldn't be ANY bullying. Sounds like Jeremiah did alright. I bet that bully didn't mess with him anymore because even though he might have won the fight, getting bit hurts like crap and I bet he didn't want seconds! LOL

 

[heartsizedfarm]

One of my fabulous NYC friends, one who is always posting photos of herself at places like the Emmys award shows, who has toured around with Presidents of the USA and been on TV plenty of times, is a working writer ... clever enough to name ice cream flavors for Ben & Jerry's ... she just posted to facebook asking for advice about how to stop making herself miserable by comparing herself to the "fabulous" people she knows. 

I felt like telling her ... come live in my house for a while for a bit of perspective. Should I be miserable because I take joy in cleaning the litterbox with Kisa, the grumpy cat who is transformed into a puddle of purr during litterbox cleaning time? Or scrubbing the pooticules off of eggs? Or singing the Bone Song with Gust? 

If at our age (nearly 50) there is nothing genuine in the life you've arranged for yourself that gives you real satisfaction and a sense of inner peace solid enough to bolster you against a fair amount of external noise, then you need to take a good, hard look at your own choices. 

I wondered what those were called. Pooticules.

 

[lazy gardener]

One of my fabulous NYC friends, one who is always posting photos of herself at places like the Emmys award shows, who has toured around with Presidents of the USA and been on TV plenty of times, is a working writer ... clever enough to name ice cream flavors for Ben & Jerry's ... she just posted to facebook asking for advice about how to stop making herself miserable by comparing herself to the "fabulous" people she knows.

I felt like telling her ... come live in my house for a while for a bit of perspective. Should I be miserable because I take joy in cleaning the litterbox with Kisa, the grumpy cat who is transformed into a puddle of purr during litterbox cleaning time? Or scrubbing the pooticules off of eggs? Or singing the Bone Song with Gust?

If at our age (nearly 50) there is nothing genuine in the life you've arranged for yourself that gives you real satisfaction and a sense of inner peace solid enough to bolster you against a fair amount of external noise, then you need to take a good, hard look at your own choices.

In the end, it doesn't matter how popular, how rich, how important our job is. True joy is not dependent on any external achievements or circumstances. True joy comes from living the life we were designed to live, walking the path we were designed to walk, and loving those around us as He would have us love.

In a post earlier I mentioned that my son Jeremiah doesn't like anything that is unfair. He is really upset by it. He is a quiet soft hearted boy who only has kind words for people. but one day in 6th grade he got really tired of this bully who was always picking on another boy during recess. Jeremiah went up to the bully and told him to knock it off, leave the other kid alone. The bully pushed Jeremiah up against the chain link fence and put Jeremiah in a choke hold. Jeremiah bit him. ( like I said he's a lover not a real good fighter) Jeremiah was suspended for 3 days and assault charges where considered because Jeremiah left marks on the bully. NOTHING happened to the bully, he was talked to. Nobody could believe Jeremiah got in trouble, he just isn't that type of kid, but we all told him how proud we where that he stood up for someone even when it didn't turn out in his favor. Like I said in an earlier post, we changed schools.

My heart cries for all of the cruelty that is heaped on both children and adults because they don't fit into the social mold that some one decided was the right mold. People can be so very cruel. And, for Jeremiah to be punished for standing up for the under dog, shows just how unjust human justice has become.

 

[heartsizedfarm]

I dealt with feeling different and picked on at school by just mentally leaving it all behind. I daydreamed my way through most classes. Teachers soon learned there was not much point calling on me. But I did alright on tests so one part of my brain must have been listening somewhat.

I got along with a few neighbourhood kids, enough to have a decent game of kick the can or hide and seek until our mothers started the come in for supper yelling. And after supper the best time of the day -- off to bed with a book. And then I could be anyone I wanted to be and go anywhere I wanted. My dad would turn out the lights and I would just open the curtains and squint and keep on reading by moonlight.

I grew up thinking that world of books and poetry and imagination was the real world and the other day to day junk was just something I had to endure, but more and more I came to feel it didn't really matter to me. I was the kid who just looks at you blankly when you tease or bully her. You couldn't really get a rise out of me because I didn't care enough. So they left me be. Turned 17 and moved away and never missed any of them.

 

[Tomtommom]

Yep Bruce I understand. The house came that way. We have owned it since '85. The roof hasn't sagged any worse than when we bought it. The whole porch really needs some work. the mortar is crumbling between a lot of the bricks. the cement floor is cracked and leaking into the cistern / wood room below. I would love to turn the area below the porch into a fruit cellar but it is to cold and leaky. We have sat on the porch many evenings trying to figure out how to go about repairing it and it seems very overwhelming and costly so we put it off. at this point it really is more cosmetic than structural, but at some point we will do something.

The joys of an older home

The day my husband moved in, he started fixing our home. There was one night he was under the house at 1am, fixing the wiring. Apparently it's ALL WRONG. Overloaded circuits, wrong breakers and other technical stuff I only understand somewhat. Basically I'm lucky the house didn't go up in flames. We've found some real doozies behind walls.. joists cut into to allow plumbing etc.

It gets overwhelming, for sure. One step at a time.

We had a new roof put on last year, when we had water running down several walls

We had the chimney serviced and the guy said we're lucky to be alive... Apparently the cap was on backwards and any exhaust from the gas furnace in the hallway was being vented straight back into the house

We can't use our fireplace until we get the chimney fixed, there are cracks in it... something that wont be fixed until WAAAY down the line. First we gotta replace every window in this house (most dont open, they're painted shut.. and the panes are cracked) and most walls... sister some joists... replace the water heater from the early 90s... etc. etc. etc.

You guys that were bullied in school... did your parents not allow fighting, real physical fighting? I was the youngest of a large extended family. That could be a little rough at times. You always come or are put in last place. When I started school there were bullies. There were boys that were career first graders! LOL I went crying to my teacher one day when they were picking on me and she made fun of me. I never told on anybody for picking on me again. Instead I started fighting. I might not could whip them all but I could hurt them bad as they whipped me so it really wasn't worth it to them. It worked. Shortly nobody picked on me anymore. That worked for all the years to follow. I really didn't have to do much fighting at all because they all knew what I could and I would do if I was pushed into it. People these days act like fighting is just awful. Sometimes it is necessary and when it is necessary it doesn't make that kid bad. You do what you have to do, within reason of course.

I got in a fight once... got in trouble for it at school. I just snapped and grabbed her by her hair. I'm not a good fighter.

I was physically weak on top of that.

I was pretty much the laughing stock at school. What are you going to do when EVERYONE is against you? Fight them all? It was hilarious when I was 10 and a boy said he wanted to be my boyfriend, only for it to turn out to be a joke. Or when they put thumb tacks on my chair. Or when an older boy pretended to like me, just so I would do his paper route for me. I'm a sucker.. I don't fight I get used

Some girls tried to 'fix' me, get me up to date with fashion and offer advice.. the thing is, most things I had already tried, or I just didn't like them.. or, and that was the tough one, I just couldnt afford to buy (admitting that isn't fun as a teen). There were times I thought I had a friend, confided in them, only for it to be public knowledge the next day and more fuel on the fire of ridicule.

I had a small group of friends, I actually am still in touch with one of them.. they smoked pot and drank alcohol and were older than me, but they made me feel atleast a little bit protected. I was a goody two shoes that didn't do any of the things they did. I was the baby of the group.. but it worked.. somewhat. I was actually 16 when I graduated high school, my class mates were around 18. Add to that being kind of childish... I still played with toys when others wanted to play with boys. Yeah, disaster. I was 17 in college... again folks trying to fix me. Try and set me up with guys. Something I was way too insecure for. The nicest thing a guy said about me in high school was "She isn't THAT fat" when another guy made fun of me. Admitting I liked a guy was NOT going to happen, ever.

I have met everyone I ever went out with online.. so I was sure they were interested

I was 27 or so when someone first asked me out in person, a guy I didn't know got to talking to me and asked me in line in the supermarket if I wanted to go have some lunch! I politely thanked him for asking and informed him I had a boyfriend.

I'm a late bloomer, what can I say?

(I am pretty sure I just went off on a tangent... my bad!)

I fight like a girl.

In a post earlier I mentioned that my son Jeremiah doesn't like anything that is unfair. He is really upset by it. He is a quiet soft hearted boy who only has kind words for people. but one day in 6th grade he got really tired of this bully who was always picking on another boy during recess. Jeremiah went up to the bully and told him to knock it off, leave the other kid alone. The bully pushed Jeremiah up against the chain link fence and put Jeremiah in a choke hold. Jeremiah bit him. ( like I said he's a lover not a real good fighter) Jeremiah was suspended for 3 days and assault charges where considered because Jeremiah left marks on the bully. NOTHING happened to the bully, he was talked to. Nobody could believe Jeremiah got in trouble, he just isn't that type of kid, but we all told him how proud we where that he stood up for someone even when it didn't turn out in his favor. Like I said in an earlier post, we changed schools.

Good for him! Boo on the school.

I was a real goody two shoes in school, part of what made me so fun to mock. A real softy, cried easily... oh man that's asking for it. There were days I got chased home by a group of boys, threatening to beat me up. So fun!

My mom talked to the teacher several times. The bullies got in trouble. The bullies came after me for revenge. So you just stop talking about it and take it.. last thing you want is your mom to make it worse.

She had no clue... she was often the cause of me being bullied. She would say something stupid or fill in a form for school with weird answers (Hobbies: eating. Thanks mom!)

I wondered what those were called. Pooticules.

Anyhoo.

I got a form from early intervention in the mail just now.

Thomas' yearly evaluation: physical is at 22.5 months. cognitive 18 months. communication 10 months. adaptive (self-care) 18 months. social/emotional 18 months. He's 28.5 months right now.

I like to think he's improving, but his yearly review isn't pretty... (checking last form)

Guess it is getting better.

At 16 months:

physical 11.5 months, cognitive 10 months, communicative 8 months, adaptive 14 months, social/emotional 11 months.

It's better... but I would imagine him to gain atleast 10 months worth of progress in a year. Guess that's a bit too much. To me the gap seems to be getting bigger though.

 

[LindaB220]

Our beloved Katie was diagnosed with Autism when she was just 18 months old. Today you can spend hours with her and never be able to see it. Her geneticist told us that by the time she is in 3rd grade there should be no more need for the two special ed classes she's been in part time. I was her full time day care provider until she started kindergarten so I did a lot of the therapy and I'm proud to say that one of the things I "invented" to help her is now used consistently by the Children's Resource Center for their kids with autism - my method of teaching eye contact.

Eye contact (or total lack thereof) was a big concern for her doctors and therapists. Personally I don't think it's that big a deal but educators and other professionals seem to think it's the end all, be all. I usually don't look people dead in the eye when I talk to them either, stemming from school experiences similar to TT and the additional burden of the stuttering. Now I'm usually just fine if I'm on the phone or even on Facetime or Skype, but sitting across from someone and looking them in the eye is difficult. But, knowing the experts felt it was critical for Katie to learn eye contact, I came up with the Colorforms idea. Remember those? They were little characters and scenes that stuck to a special board. I would stick one low on one of the lenses on my glasses before Katie got here. Then when she was here, I'd tell her that our friend today was Dora, or whatever character I pulled out of the box. Then, when she'd want something I'd tell her, "You have to ask Dora - she's our helper for today, remember?" So the moment she looked at Dora, she was looking at my eyes. I'd praise the heck out of her for watching Dora so carefully and then get her the milk or the whatever. Or I'd say, "Oh, tell Dora what you saw at the store!" She wasn't looking directly into my eyes, but she was close, and it was just another step to make it happen naturally. That way of teaching the initial steps to eye contact is still being used at CRC.

Another obvious autism marker is a lack of empathy for others. That was Katie all over. Nothing was ever about anyone else - just her. So I got her a plant. Yep, just a plain old tomato plant. She is crazy for those little cherry tomatoes - picks them and sits in the yard munching them the second they are red. So I helped her plant one in a big pot. I told her that if she didn't take care of it she would make it so sad that it wouldn't grow, and she wouldn't get any tomatoes off it. I also told her that since she was a big 4 year old who could grow her own tomatoes, she would only have hers to eat that year, not Grammas. With the plant it was so easy to see if it needed something - water, fertilizer, moving into more light as the sun changed position - and she figured it out in no time. She came over one day early in the program and it was all wilted.

I sat on the ground next to her and her planter and simply asked her, "What do you think could be wrong with it? It sure looks sad and lonely."

She talked to it for a few minutes, and then she looked up at me and said, "She said she's really thirsty and nobody would give her a drink!"

I said, "That could be. What do you think you should do for her?"

She ran for her little watering can and drenched the plant, saying little comforting things to it the whole time. Then I took her inside for lunch. When we came out about an hour later, the plant had begun to perk up. She was delighted. I told her, "See, when you know something or someone is sad, there's almost always some way to help.'

It took a few more yellow leaves, dropped blossoms and wilted leaves, but by summer's end she was harvesting her tomatoes right and left. That plant gave her immediate signs that it needed her, and she responded by talking to it, taking care of it, and seeing it grow and produce. That worked better to teach her empathy and how to help others than any treatment plan or therapy. Today, with Kendra's special needs, she is awesome! She even helps with Kendra's nightly enemas - called 'Booty Duty" around our homes, and she makes sure that Kendra gets her attention and her affection because a silly little tomato plant communicated with her and reached her.

And Tom....I like you just fine too! You expressed yourself beautifully!

I have to say that you should write a book on special needs. The idea of DORA is so ingenious and the tomato plant. People can't learn these skills if you don't tell them about them. Love you Blooie.

 

[Tomtommom]

I have to say that you should write a book on special needs. The idea of DORA is so ingenious and the tomato plant. People can't learn these skills if you don't tell them about them. Love you Blooie.

Yeah, they sound like things Thomas' early intervention therapist would do!

 

[LindaB220]

I have 2 boys diagnosed with ADHD. One is 19 one is 17.
The 19 yr.old (Luke) sounds a lot like Tomtommom's step son in some ways. As a young child he would talk to everyone. As a 3 yr old he would strike up a conversation at Walmart with the biggest toughest burliest looking guy he could find. And he would not give up until they responded to him. He is Very smart, but was very difficult to handle. High High energy, needed a total of 6 hours of sleep a day. The rest of the day he just bounced off all the walls, fall, hurt himself and never even notice. Very oppositional. Spent a lot of time and money on therapy and meds. over the years. My Luke stories would fill a book. I love him soooo much and he has a wonderful heart, but he is the one who has caused me the most pain in my life.
Jeremiah is 17. He was just the opposite, he lives very much in his head. He can recite whole movie scenes word for word, but for the life of him can't remember to eat, or get to work on time. I think he is a little Aspergers also. Most parents are complaining there kid is gone all the time, I'm always trying to get him to go out with friends. Jeremiah sees things very black and white and can not tolerate anything that is not fair. He still breaks into tears when something isn't fair which is not cool for a 17 year old boy to do in public. In 6th grade he spent all day in the principles office hiding from other kids. Even on meds it takes him forever to get his homework done.
We did put both the boys in a WONDERFUL charter school. Jeremiah was a freshmen and Luke was a Junior. Luke decided to go off his meds. that year, he became very defiant and did not do 1 assignment for a whole semester. long story short he went back to the public school because there was no way he would be able to graduate from the charter school. The public school had much more lenient graduation requirements.
Jeremiah on the other hand did fabulous at the charter school. Matured greatly, still has a lot of difficulty with ADHD but has a better understanding of what it is going to take for him to become successful. Unfortunately the school board shut the charter school down. Jeremiah is now attending an online high school from home.
I can relate to a lot of what tomtommom says. Been there, done that, and still doing it.

My God, no wonder we all get along so well. We ALL have issues with life , kids ,parents, DH, etc. Out of 4 grandchildren I have zero normal ones. Paranoid, Downs, ADHD and Aspergers. All on medication of one sort or another. I would do a little rant on GMO's, but I'll spare you that.

 

[TexasLisa]

Tomtommom, you hit on a painful part of my life. High School. I never ever want to relive that. Hearing loss, wearing glasses and I was immature. I had a group of so-called friends that told me a boy liked me and wanted to be my boyfriend. When they saw me look over at him 'adoringly', he was shaking his head 'NO'. Embarrassed doesn't even go far enough. You can look at the school pictures and see I was a good year behind everyone. In the 7th grade, I wore anklets the others wore knee socks. 8th grade I wore knee socks, they wore hose. UGH!!!

Don't you worry about Thomas. He will come around in his time, not theirs. Haven't you heard.....he has a great mom!

Lisa

 

[Tomtommom]

My God, no wonder we all get along so well. We ALL have issues with life , kids ,parents, DH, etc. Out of 4 grandchildren I have zero normal ones. Paranoid, Downs, ADHD and Aspergers. All on medication of one sort or another. I would do a little rant on GMO's, but I'll spare you that.

Considering my mom grew most of our own foods, and her parents before her, I dont think GMO is much to blame. I fully believe it adds to it, but there's more to it.

I think we're just becoming more aware... and there is the internet where all these folks connect. Decades ago it was taboo. Noone spoke of this stuff. Families lived in homes with several generations, and 'slow' kids were taken care of by their own family. If they were too bad they went to a mental hospital (my mother was actually a nurse at a psychiatric hospital in the 60s.. some of these folks in her pictures weren't crazy, they were just mentally behind) or dumped off at an orphanage or otherwise dealt with. There were no child proofing measures around the house, so kids got hurt more and died more often. We all know these kiddos are prone to more injuries.

I don't believe there's so much more of these issues as that we're quicker to pick up on it and intervene. That and we're asking way too much from young kids now. Where school started at 7, now school starts with 'mother's day out' as soon as they can walk. They're writing at 3 years old.... It becomes apparent a child isn't able to keep up much much sooner. Add to that that menial jobs for 'simple' folks are becoming less and less available... and everyone has to go to college now yada yada. You get the point.

My husband works for Little Caesars.. one of the guys who works outside and dances with the sign isn't 100%.. He comes in at the first sign of rain (a dark cloud overhead), so you send him back out... then he stays outside in the pouring rain (making customers think you WANT him to be out in the rain). Or he uses the bathroom a bit too often (to avoid work), so you tell him not to go so often.. so he ends up peeing his pants (customers come in and tell you your sign dancer has peed himself...) It used to drive him crazy, until I made him realize that could be HIS son when he's in his 20s.. It made him look at the kid in a different light. He told me the main office wanted him to slowly get rid of the guy, cut his hours, I told him he should do no such thing. Where is the kid going to go? Dancing around with a sign is about all the kid can do for a living. That or be a wal-mart door greeter.

We as a society gotta take care of these kids. It's hard being a child with autism, it's even harder being a young adult with autism. They need mentors. Folks that believe in them. A job makes a person worth while, even if it's one of those jobs others would look down at. I love Publix for that reason, they hire people with Down syndrom to take your groceries out. Even if I can carry my stuff just fine, I make sure I let them help me. They take such pride in their work and it gives them purpose. My mom adored kids with Down syndrome.. to her they were the happiest people in the world.

So no, I don't think we're so much having more people with issues, we're just not hiding them as much anymore.