The Old Folks Home

[drumstick diva]

The best thing for my social anxiety was being at an afternoon group at the hospital. We worked so well together and the (can I say idiot) that was in charge (staff member) was horrible. She let the one pushy person torment an extremely shy man who had a lot of brain damage from drinking and drugs).

So I spoke up and told "pushy" that we were here to help each other rather than tear anyone down. She objected saying he was no credit to the group, barely spoke, etc.
I said we all have are own reasons for being here. He is doing the very best he can and if you listened to him you would realize that.

 

[Beer can]

I need to see what is loose on the evap control for the gas tank on the Honda. There is a smell of gas there-- that started after the smog test

Evap, ... So many lines and hoses and canisters .. So hard for anyone backyard mechanic or real one. I bet you in Cali deal with the same BS that we do in NY, engine light on, no inspection. We deal with a lot of salt and rust so it all goes bad. If you have a smell of gas but no leaks most likely one of the return lines or evap system lines broke somewhere. Run and drive fine but can't get inspection.

 

[pennyJo1960]

I was there at the folks as my step dad was getting to the end we did not know it would be so fast he was a master carpenter if a car broke he took care of it so did not happen again big old swede huge hands take a hammer pound a nail in one shot all of a sudden couldn't remember anything and that old women was mean to him (my Ma) then he was sure he was not in his house anymore looked the same but not his then Ma would get mad at me about what he said oh what fun what that was

 

[Phage]

Thanks Bruce I so took that the wrong way... grandma was tough to day.... we are looking for someone to carefor her now....

deb

Dementia is cruel for all involved. As she is not thinking normally she is unlikely to mean it

 

[perchie.girl]

Dementia is cruel for all involved. As she is not thinking normally she is unlikely to mean it

I know it.... but I cant let it roll over me as usual anymore.... I wish I could.... and am working onit....

deb

 

[superchemicalgirl]

I know it.... but I cant let it roll over me as usual anymore.... I wish I could.... and am working onit....

deb

It's sometimes the smallest things that finally break us. For example, I got divorced over an empty roll of toilet paper. That wasn't the real reason of course but that's what finally broke me. All your anger is telling me is that you're nearing the end of your rope and for all involved you need a break, some you time. I think you hinted on it - you can't eat, you can't craft and you can't write. That's the problem.
All work and no play.
But, forgive me for overstepping here, but you can't not. You need an outlet.

Set up a card table, craft for a few hours (even outside), then put it away. Go to the library (if you have one) and write down your jumbled thoughts. Sometimes it helps just to get those out.

Just some friendly advice, not trying to encroach. I do know last spring when we were so short staffed and I was working crazy hours I had stopped sewing for a while because I just didn't have the time. I was miserable, and crabby. I knew what the problem was, and I eventually forced myself to ignore the piles of crap that needed to be cleaned/straightened/put away or the long list of chores I should get done, and I spent an hour in my sewing room. It was exactly what I needed, and then I got back to the grind.

 

[trumpeting_angel]

They call it "caregiver stress" and boy, is that situation ripe for total burnout, depression, and lashing out at the unpleasant patient who can't help it. Most family caregivers have no training or experience and, of course, being family, they can't approach it like a job. Things feel personal. It's easier (not easy, though!) to establish a relationship of caring with this person as they are today if you haven't known them your whole life.

 

[perchie.girl]

It's easier (not easy, though!) to establish a relationship of caring with this person as they are today if you haven't known them your whole life.

I am trying to divorce myself from that person I knew... Funny Caring giving... and find something I can connect with now.... I need some space to do that... Mom is helping... but she didnt have a good relationship with her in the first place.

Its killing my son.... though.

 

[trumpeting_angel]

Its killing my son.... though.

Ouch. That must really hurt.

As the boomers age and increasingly need help, we are going to have a caregiver crisis. It's already here, really. Not enough people to hire (at pitiful wages) who are good at the job. And those pitiful pages end up costing the family (or Medicaid) an awful lot. Remember when we were young and we had all those new schools to attend, because there were nowhere near enough for all the kids of the boom? Now the retirement homes/assisted living places are popping up everywhere.

 

[getaclue]

deb, https://www.sandiegocounty.gov/hhsa/programs/ais/ombudsman_long_term_care/index.html

The ombudsman's office is the branch that deals with long term care facilities.