I don't have to learn how to express anal glands on a cat.
Poor Scraps was feeling a bit under the weather for the last few days, or so I thought. He wasn't feeling well, but when I offered him food and water, he was quite willing to eat and drink. This morning, however, He was on my office chair and I went to pick him up and he went nuts. He actually clawed me and nearly got my eye.
Off for an emergency trip to the vet. More money than I have and about 9 hours later, he and I are home. His burst and infected gland has been treated, and he's still not happy. He will, however, live.