Think our oldest is drinking cough syrup...

[EweSheep]

Quote:
There is nothing sneaky with getting SOLID proof BEFORE you accuse someone of something...The OP is doing the right thing by using the food coloring..IMO..
You shouldnt just go around accusing your kids of taking drugs..She needs 100% proof...and this is the safest/quickest way to get it.... AND as she said..if she askes her daughter, she dosent trust that she'll be honest about it...So...how else is the OP supposed to find out of her kid is chugging the cough syrup then? AND the sad truth is sometimes we as parents HAVE to be a bit sneaky to find out exactly what our kids are up to (and i would NEVER feel guilty for it ...)... I dont see it as being sneaky..i see it as being a good, caring, SMART parent..Thats trying to stay one step ahead of her kid...
And, ya know what...maybe she wont ever get the red lips...maybe mom made a mistake.( I sincerly hope so..)..so..NO harm was done by her putting in the red food coloring...its better than falsely accusing her child. AND if her daughter IS taking the syrup....then mom will know for sure and be able to get her the help she needs ASAP. Instead of just guessing...

*** AND THE CROWD CHEERS ***

Guys, the OP took some of what people said, thought things through, and made a measured decision about what to do. Any more criticism (especially without reading it all through) is just piling on.

Based on the comments I quted above, as well as her last post, she and her DH are settled about the whole thing and know what they're joint plan is.

I know people post here for extra thoughts and insights, some advice and of course VENTING when the you know what hits the fan. This is a done deal though!

I think we're all concerned for her daughter, and interested in how things turn out, partly because there's lessons for us all to learn, partly because we're all human and a little curious

, but if the OP chooses not to ever post here again about this, I really think we should all try to understand and respect that.

When you have BOTH parents working on this, its a done deal and once the truth comes out, they will find a way to get some help for their DD.

 

[JanieMarie]

Chicks4kids -
I applaud your efforts and I pray this all has a positive outcome for you! Seems to have been a good brainstorming session here. I think you were very wise to get many opinions and ideas from many varied people with many varied experiences before coming to your own conclusions and making your own decisions. Hang in there. I do know that you and hubby providing a united front is utmost.

 

[NapsWithChickens]

I have four kids and have been reading this thread with prayers in my heart for you all. And prayers for my kids as well. I wish mine were still small enough that just holding their hands in the parking lot kept them safe from danger.

 

[rodriguezpoultry]

Quote:
You failed to mention the feeling of absolute helplessness the outcasts feel. The ones who want to live their own lives and not have to live up to their peers expectations. The ones that don't want to fit into the crowd. Those people, girls ESPECIALLY, are cornered by the popular girls and ridiculed, some to the point of gum put into hair, spit on, rocks thrown at, laughed at not-so-discreetly laughed at in the hallways.

The worst part is that all the boys in the school follow the popular girls and begin ridiculing the same people. Then all the wanna-be populars do the same thing. Eventually, the person that's being ridiculed no longer wants to go to school, shuts down emotionally and is scared of what people are saying.

It is an awful thing that happens, but those that live through it are stronger and more able to face the world at large. They have already endured some of the most painful examples of hatred that are out there.

This was my point exactly when I brought up the subject. I WAS that girl. I was spit on, had gum put in my hair, was shoved to the ground and literally walked on, had USED toilet paper stuck to me, the kids would draw on me with sharpies whenever I happened to wear something "popular" looking. i was made to sit alone at my own table at lunch while the rest of the room hurled insults and food at me, DAILY. Every single day at school. Why? Because we were missionaries and moved up there from out of state. the teachers did nothing except look the other way, smirk, or send me to the pricipals office. And that was just in 6th and 7th grade. I was a baby for God's sake.

On top of all that was the pressure of learning and succeeding. My fix was anorexia and insomnia. if she's facing even a tiny FRACTION of that you can imagine why she'd feel she needed the cold medicine to sooth her to sleep.

Or it could be she's one of the popular girls who's faced with the pressure of being objectified, expected to be perfect, and trying to maintain her position. Thats incredibly stressful too.

The thing is, I tried numerous times to explain things to my parents, but i never seemed to be able to. Not to their fault. I just couldnt find a way to say anything more than "everything is fine".

In the end, as a grown adult I confronted all those grown kids, save the worst one because he ended up ruining himself, and found that they all remembered me and were plagued with guilt. We ended up being on friendly terms in the end. Just added that because as a parent it would make me feel better to see the end result.

Same here. I suffered from nightmares, anorexia and awful stomach issues including an ulcer because of it. I never confronted the people after school because I knew that karma would get them in the end. Wound up I was right because 1 committed suicide in solitary confinement of a drug facility, one now has 3 children and another on the way and several others are facing even worse problems.

I hate them for what they did and will never forget what happened. My mom was part of the "in crowd" when she was my age, so she couldn't really see what the problem was. I couldn't talk about it because I thought it was my fault that everyone picked on me.

I can only hope that the OP's daughter is not going through the same thing. If she is, put her into classes to build her self-confidence. If I had not been enrolled in those classes, I don't think I would have survived 6th grade.

 

[Whispering Winds]

This was my point exactly when I brought up the subject. I WAS that girl. I was spit on, had gum put in my hair, was shoved to the ground and literally walked on, had USED toilet paper stuck to me, the kids would draw on me with sharpies whenever I happened to wear something "popular" looking. i was made to sit alone at my own table at lunch while the rest of the room hurled insults and food at me, DAILY. Every single day at school. Why? Because we were missionaries and moved up there from out of state. the teachers did nothing except look the other way, smirk, or send me to the pricipals office. And that was just in 6th and 7th grade. I was a baby for God's sake.



Not trying to start another post within a post, but I am so sorry for what you had t go through. There is nothing in this world meaner than a teenager or pre-teen. I have always cautioned my kids and my grandkids about being nice to everyone, NO matter what. I just cannot fathom those teachers letting this go by. They are worse than the kids who were treating you that way. I am so so sorry. I am glad you sound like you are well rounded and able to handle it. I can't imagine how horrible it was for you when it was happening.

 

[The Chicken Lady]

Quote:
I agree with this idea.

 

[Eliza]

Sorry, I admit I haven't waded through the whole thread, and my apologies for the person above me. BUT, as a licensed clinican who primarily deals with mental illness and substance abuse I'm going to wade in to the discussion with this short note.

Teens are starting to use drugs as early as 4th grade. OTC cough syrup is a primary intro to heavier substances. I have had client's whose drug of choice is OTC cough syrup. If you ingest enough cough syrup, you can be subject to permenant psychotic symptoms if you use long enough. What's long enough?? that's hard to say, but if any person has any proclivity towards mental illness this will aggrevate the issue. Young people start using drugs for a variety of reasons. Mostly they start because they were introduced by other friends, then got addicted. Teen time is a usually a tough period. It's where we learn to tolerate distress and learn to regulate our emotions. OTC cough syrup dulls the senses and creates a false sense of detatchment. It then becomes a crutch to cope and the process in itself becomes addictive. My advice: In calm, non threatening conversation start with I've noticed that you seem to be asking for the Nyquil alot, is there somthing we need to help you with? and don't be snowed by easy excuses. Intervention becomes exponentially harder to do the longer you wait. Today's stresses are high for teens, they need us to help them learn the skills to be physically, and mentally healthy. For parents: don't discount your gut feelings - we have them for a reason!!! Good luck

 

[chicks4kids]

UPDATE: 2nd night of monitoring......... she didn't touch the nyquil.

So, now I'm thinking maybe it is one of her friends.

I'm thinking I'll let the Nyquil sit for the week while I monitor it every night, but her "besty" will be home this coming weekend. She usually always stays here at our house when she's not on visitation at her mom's(her dad has custody) , and it's usually from Friday 'til late Saturday and sometimes even Sunday. This is the friend that thinks I'm totally lame for not letting her have facebook or myspace or a cell phone (this girl at age 11 also has a blackberry-can someone tell ME what a blackberry is?

so I'm just gonna keep my fingers crossed this entire week and hope she never touches that bottle!!

I'm so happy right now!!

Knowing she hasn't touched it!!

I'm doin' the chicken dance......

 

[EweSheep]

That is good news! Now lets wait and see about her friends........

 

[chicks4kids]

No kidding, right?? So glad I didn't question her without absolute proof, you know?? Which I know created alot of question amongst members, but look....if I had questioned her without doing the Food coloring/Nyquil test, I would still have my doubts as she denied it to me. However, it's still early, and this is only the 2nd night , I am just

over this!!

Just wanna get through the week without incident!!

I'm such a cheese ball right now......you have no idea!!

Chicken dance!