This was wrong of me, wasn't it?

[GibblyGiblets]

So my wife calls me this evening, no problem, except she tells me that she wants to tell Vence and Raven that she is pregnant with another páiste(child)!!!!

so apparently she just found out she is like 5 or 6 weeks pregnant by a guy she JUST started seeing, and she wanted to tell OUR kids that they were going to have a baby brother/sister.

So this is where I became angry because, I am, how it's said, old school, and do not believe in claiming half-relations, because I have none, my sister and I are full blood.

But mostly I do not want to put my children through this, not now. they have gone through so much with their mother lately, including her calling them ONLY when she wants to fight with me, other than that, forget it, she left us...let's see, in may of this year, and has not spoken to our children until TONIGHT, they have not asked about her, they do not miss her.

I know this because my THREE year old told me "daddy, I am glad momma's gone" is that bad,or what??


I am upset, however, because she WAS expecting OUR third child when she left, but she had the pregnancy terminated.

was I wrong in this, or was I right?, my sister has been on my case all night about it, saying I should have let her tell them. but my sister does not have children, so she doesn't understand.

 

[cupman]

Yeah it sounds like you are old school and you are wrong. You just seem bitter and now you want to keep your kids away from a new sibling because you aren't comfortable with the pregnancy. I'd say get over it.

 

[fuzziebutt]

I agree with you. Just because their Mama is a hootch, doesn't mean that they need it rubbed it in their faces. They are too young. I also have 2 half brothers and a half sister, and I introduce them as Mom's daughter, or Mom's son. If they are forced to get involved with a new baby, that is just one more that mom won't allow them to have a relationship with, if she has been gone since May with no word.

 

[mom'sfolly]

I think 5-6 weeks pregnant is too soon to be telling other children that there is a brother or sister in the works, even if it is a full blood sibling. If your child is three, they have no concept of 7-8 months down the line. And at 5-6 weeks pregnant, the pregnancy is still iffy. Twenty-five years ago, she might not even have pregnancy confirmation that early. So no, I don't think you were wrong in not letting her tell the kids. Your reasons for not letting her tell the kids might be suspect, but it is too early for telling young children.

 

[AZBootsie]

5 or 6 weeks along is too soon to tell a 3 year old. 8 months is too long for them to be waiting. It's about a quarter of their whole lives up to now. If something were to happen or your wife decided not to have the baby, your child is too young to understand.

It sounds like you have a better relationship with them and probably should be the one to tell them much later.

Just my opinion.

 

[sourland]

You are not wrong. Protect your kids!

 

[GibblyGiblets]

Actually, I'm not bothered by her pregnancy at all, SO long as she cares for this child better than she did her first two..


What I am trying to prevent is the children getting attached, which they will, and then their mother up and, say, poof, gone, no contact like she likes to do.

the weeks after she left, she was calling twice or even four times a day, asking to talk to the children, then just like that, she gave up her custody, and stopped calling, it upset Raven very much because she was close to her mother, Vence is my little shadow, he is a defiant little scrap, and his mother did not like that, she would shout at him, and he would come to me, i gave him no comfort, obviously, if he was in trouble he was, but I never yelled, i simply implied that next time he listen to his mother.

perhaps I should have added more to the original post, but I was getting the kids ready for bed, and was in a hurry.

 

[mhwc56]

Quote:
REALLY? I'm not so sure he is wrong at all under the circumstances.
He says SHE hasn't spoken to her children since SHE left them... for someone else it sounds like..
AND why would she want to share this news with children she apparently has no interest in usually?
AND she "terminated" the life of their unborn child ....only to get pregnant with a near stranger's child.
I don't believe in blaming that child for the "sins of it's mother" but i DO think he has every right to be upset and not want his children to be further upset by a woman who doesn't share her life with them any more .
It does seem pretty sad to me. I cannot imagine leaving my kids and going off to have a fling or a few of them or whatever is going on.
Also it sounds like"Mommy" has some SERIOUS growing up yet to do !

 

[annageckos]

I understand where you are coming from, and agree it is very early to tell them. But I also think they have the right to know they have a half sibling. My sister and I are half siblings, but she is my sister. I love her and I honestly forget we have different fathers.

 

[JulieNKC]

Quote:
REALLY? I'm not so sure he is wrong at all under the circumstances.
He says SHE hasn't spoken to her children since SHE left them... for someone else it sounds like..
AND why would she want to share this news with children she apparently has no interest in usually?
AND she "terminated" the life of their unborn child ....only to get pregnant with a near stranger's child.
I don't believe in blaming that child for the "sins of it's mother" but i DO think he has every right to be upset and not want his children to be further upset by a woman who doesn't share her life with them any more .
It does seem pretty sad to me. I cannot imagine leaving my kids and going off to have a fling or a few of them or whatever is going on.
Also it sounds like"Mommy" has some SERIOUS growing up yet to do !

x2
OP, you sound like you have a level head and you're using it to look after the best interests of your children. I say do what you think is best and protect your babies from being hurt any further by her.