This was wrong of me, wasn't it?

[GibblyGiblets]

Of course I'm assuming you were not a part of the problem that precipitated this situation, based on the part of her living with her boyfriend

Me?, I should think not, I was faithful right from "hi, how are you doing lass?" literally my first words to her as i was working retail in a store ha ha!

I worked, at one point after Vence was born, two jobs, I provided us a home, bought her a bloody car!, a brand new car. not used, mine you, a bloody 34,000$ vehicle.

allowed her to have her male friendships, whilst she shunned every female I tried to befriend.

I tried to do things SHE like, and ignore what I wanted/liked.

so, no I like to think it was not my doings.​

 

[cupman]

She can't love her children because she had an abortion? What a fallacy argument.

 

[zzGypsy]

Quote:
she gave up her custody, so all decisions are now yours. first thing always has to be what's in the kids' best interest.
nonetheless, she is their mother, and even if they say they don't miss her, in some ways they do, or at least miss what they wanted her to be. unless you have a restraining order, they will have interactions with her, and even if you do, it's no guarantee. sooner or later, more likely sooner if its up to her, they will know.
this baby will be their half sibling, and like it or not, they and you will have to deal with that. they will need help in understanding and addressing that. it cannot be avoided or ignored.
still, as someone else said, this pregancy is still iffy, and I think it is way too early to tell them, even if it were not.
hard as it is to keep perspective, view it not from your history with their mom, but from what will benefit the kids. not just what you would like to be true (good mom, no step siblings), but what is.

it's hard to see one of your parents raising another child, after they have abandoned you. they will have plenty to deal with over this. when they have interactions with her, they will know about the pregnancy, or about the child. I would think they should hear it from you, not her. I would think you should tell them before they find out anyway. I would also want to hold that day off as long as possible, for what good does it do them to know earlier?

I can see that thier mom might find some benefit in telling them, although it would be to her own benefit, not theirs. I can't see any gain to your children in their knowing before there is no other choice.

and for reference , I'm commenting from: mom married and divorced 4 times, dad married 3 times, all three step dads married 3 times, 3 full siblings, 5 half siblings, 12 step siblings. and out on my own at 15 (do you wonder why?)

what you're doing is not easy. most important, protect your kids.

 

[spacecowgirl]

Uh, oh...I see this getting ugly..

I have to pull for his side on this, as she sounds like a truly awful person. What decent mother would practically abandon her own kids and husband, just to get pregnant with another man's child?

And then, to make it worse, want her ex husband to tell them about it???

 

[zzGypsy]

Quote:
x2 to all of this.

 

[GibblyGiblets]

Cupman, no hard feelings to you, but i believe you truely are missing the whole point as it were.


My wife and I were married for 6 (originally I typed 7, I had my dates mixed up with something else)years, and right from the word I do, it seemed as though she were staring down some man in the crowd, not literally ofcourse as she was too busy taking off my face and trying to rush what happens after the fact haha!

the point is, I am the one who has our children, she literally called me up one day a MONTH after she left, after calling our children every DAY for over three weeks, and said I want to sign over my parental rights. I am the one who tucks our children into bed every evening, I am the one who tells them goodnight and that i love them, I am the one who had to explain time and time again when my three year old daughter was in tears clutching her favorite teddy that her MOTHER gave her, sitting beside the telephone waiting for a phone from her mother, than NEVER came, that mommy was most likely busy, and would maybe call later, and had to distract her by taking her away and taking the children to town.

Thier mother has wanted NOTHING to do with them since she stopped calling, and then tonight she wants to tell them they're to be older siblings. That does not sit well in my gizzard lads and lasses, and for that, I am truely sorry, but I will look out for my children, and if that does mean not allowing their "mother" to get their hopes up over a "sibling" they will never see.

Vence was happy about OUR baby, he was belting out names day and night, one of which included Chocolate strawberry pie ???, I am the one who had to explain why mommy would not be having their little sibling.

edited to add: please PLEASE do not get in a tizzy over this, I do not want fighting in this lovely community, I simply needed some people to talk to, my sister was of no help because she very much liked my wife, and believes that the mother should be the one to watch over the children.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
X 3

X4

 

[Livinzoo]

Yeah these kids don't need to hear that. In their little minds they would think mama doesn't love us so she is having another kid.

 

[Dipsy Doodle Doo]

What a completely messed-up situation. The children don't need to hear about 'early stage pregnancies', ETC.
Good luck!

 

[WIChookchick]

Quote:
Gibbly,
Take the high road on this...
DO NOT allow her to tell the children they will have a sibling.. YET...
WHEN.. yes WHEN... your ex wife decides to be a mature woman AND your children are old enough to understand and forgive her. AND you can move past what she did...
Then you can tell them about their half sibling.
I only have half sibs, so I am at the opposite end of the spectrum from you. AND my mother's family were full of half and full siblings, her mother got married many times.
I consider my older brother my full sibling as we share the same last name, my father adopted him shortly after I was born. Our father considers my niece and nephew his grandchildren.

The kids will have a lot of emotions they will have to deal with, if not now, then at some time before they are 10 yrs old.
You should seek counseling for yourself so you don't project your emotions onto your kids, and to help your children to have healthy feelings.
This thing your ex wife did will impact the children for their whole lives, if you don't forgive her, at least for your own mental health, this will affect your future relationships as well.
Dr. phil spouted some wisdom some one wrote on some que cards...
To maintain the anger and the bitterness, the resentment that you feel, it will affect every relationship you have, with your friends, family, your children, every relationship you create OR have, it will affect it. Forgive her for your own healing.
Who gives a flying F about her and what she wants. But for yourself and your children, move on from this, I know you have, but you need to do more for yourself and them.
I hope this helps.
Carol
{{{hugs}}} I know its tough