Today is gonna be a hard one.

My philosophy in life is this - people who screw me over are out. There are way too many nice people and friends yet to be made to worry over one dolt who is so miserable in their life that they feel the need to drain my life joy.

I walk away and don't look back. Your soon to be ex is a manipulator and control freak. He seems to enjoy keeping you baited and hooked - look how long it's been going on. Nothing is going to change. You need to (said lovingly and with a hug) move on. Allow caller ID to assist you with the change you need to make. Caller ID is why I have control - I choose to answer and I choose who to ignore. If someone wants me, they can leave a message. I can then choose to listen to the message and then determine a course of action - whether or not I return the call.

Without going into any detail, I've had a very traumatic event in my life involving a family member. I found that when I told that person how I felt and they knew what I was thinking, they were able to manipulate and continue to harrass me. I was a basket case - depressed, sad and angry. I cried without warning and I felt so vulnerable. When I decided to walk away and not look back, I chose to take control. The power belongs to the one in control. The one who has control is the one who has the knowledge. When I chose to no longer share my feelings or acknowledge this person, at first they became very defensive and irate. Then they tried hard to crack me. Then they got really angry. When the person realized I was not playing their game any longer and they finally figured out I wasn't gonna crack, it changed the game. It's been 8 years. I do not share my feelings, what I am doing, where I am going, what's going on in my life and now that they realize they cannot control me, they leave me alone.

What I'm saying is that the pattern has been established and it's not going to change unless you choose to change. I'm here if you want to talk - I gave you my number - I encourage you to square your shoulders and take charge. Let your ex leave a message and you decide when you will return the call.
 
My ex would call now and again when we separated. Even though he had a gf and a baby with her. And I fell for it time and time again.
Until one day I said "enough" Got the papers, drove to his moms house. I didnt leave til he signed em

I agree with Gretchen. It is a control thing. You need to cut the ties. It hurts like hell. But you need to. Check with the court clerk and see if YOU can get the papers to file in your state. You will both need to fill out financial forms I am sure. But if you can handle it yourself and save some $$ why not?
We will all be here for you. And maybe a friend you live near can hold your hand some to get you through this.

Sometimes divorce IS the BEST thing you can do for yourself and your kids.

BTW. My anniversary with my ex is Oct 19th. I no longer hesitate or even notice it when the calender rolls around to October. Maybe because my dd's birthday is that month.
AND. I married my dh at the SAME PLACE I married my ex.
It was awesome to be able to get past all he did to me and enjoy that park again.

You will be ok. From experience I know you will.
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Hope your feeling better today. Just think of today as the first day of a new beginning for you and your kids. When he calls don't answer the phone. You have better things to do now that he is gone. Only thing he should be calling for is to talk to the kids and he can leave a message for them to call him back.
 
I agree with the not answering his calls. Try not to give in, if you do, he wins.


I'm sorry that you have to go through this though. It will get better for you, in time.
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I hope you are having a better day today.
 
Don't set yourself to be the victim. Don't answer the calls, or if you do answer, just simply say, "I'm over you. You're a pig. I can do better. I deserve better. Stop calling." Then hang up. Don't even let him get a word in edgewise. Show no emotion. Just state the facts and walk away. Take control. He can only manipulate you if you let him.
 
Quote:
What she (and others) said. His choice was utterly irresponsible -- with 4 kids yet! And his calls are about control and abuse.

You really need some counseling. You should be angry, not grieving.
 

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