Tough love is really tough, it hurts (him too now)

[WriterofWords]

You know my son and I have had some rough spots the last few months, it's come to a head sort of. We came to an almost mutual decision that since we are in such a bad place, and not good for each other right now, he should live somewhere else for awhile. So, he's staying with friends in El Paso and although it feels funny being alone for the first time since I was 25, it's also a relief. I love him dearly, but the stress has really gotten to me this past year. I hope we settle it quickly, but I want him to find his own path, and become more mature and self-reliant. Please keep him in your prayers for me?

 

[kstaven]

It's tough but likely the best thing for both right now. Time to be in a different space and see things without the others influence. He will likely thank you for this one day.

 

[jeaucamom]

My oldest DD and I came to that place on Feb 18 2009. Very dramatic scene. but the end result was she HAD to go live at her dad's. I just couldn't take it anymore. It went down hill from there.. things got much, much, much worse, but eventually they started getting better. She is now living on her own and we spend time together occasionally, and will even stop by just to say hi. And when she is making really, STUPID decisions in her life, I can give advice then back away and let her do thing. I LOVE that I don't have to deal with the drama day in and day out. It has brought an incredible amount of peace to our home. I only made it two weeks past her 18th birthday, but now she is 20. Small, deliberate doses are exactly what we need of each other right now to preserve our relationship. When she moved out, I looked at it like... I had her for 18 years.. if I miss a few in the middle no biggie, it is for the best in the long run. I am looking forward to the day when she finds herself and comes into her full potential . Your son will find his way. It is heart breaking and relieving all at the same time. But it is not the end of the story. Parenting is for the long haul, and this middle crazy years will pass. Praying for peace for you. Suz

 

[turney31]

Hugs and prayers, I know well how you are feeling!

 

[chicmom]

Oh, hello!

I truly know what you're going through.....You hang in there and the truth is, when they get that age, sometimes you have to force them out of the nest if they don't fly out on their own......Especially if you're having problems and you're both miserable......

Kids nowadays feel so entitled, and living life on their own is a hard lesson sometimes...........You know, sometimes they don't appreciate their parents until they've left home.

You take care...And you'll be surprised how much you enjoy some time to yourself! (Don't feel bad about that....)

 

[schellie69]

Prayers said for you and your son. My DD went down a path that I knew would bring a lot of pain and suffering all I could was love her and be there when she chose to leave that path which she did and she is now back home trying to put the pieces back together. This path was marrying a man that would abuse her and she found the strength to leave him get the divorce and now is in court for soul custody of her daughter. It was hard letting go but that is what we have to do sometimes.

 

[Wisher1000]

My stepdaughter wanted to move out when she was 18. I knew it was a bad idea but decided to lay down a few ground rules and then let her make her own decision. She moved, had a really hard time, blew her life savings, then moved back home saying that she would not move again until she got married.

It all worked out in the end. She got married and now he has to keep an eye on her!

and lots of prayers sent your way!

 

[Thomas423]

I too went through very rough times with my oldest son. When he was 18, I told him that he had to move out so that "we could get along better". He went though some very hard times over the years. It was hard for me to see him suffering, but it was all brought on by his foolish choices.
Now at 24 we couldn't be closer. But he still can't live at home.

My prayers are with you. You seem like a great woman and a wonderful mother. He'll come around.

 

[WriterofWords]

Thank you! You know, he's been gone more than here for the past 3 months, but now that he is moving in with these people it seems so different! I hate to say it, and it makes me feel bad too, but I woke up with no headache, no shoulder aches, less tension, and more peaceful. I never in my life thought I would need space from this young man I've raised alone and who never had the terrible two's, the trying teens, etc. I found a wooden heart he made me in 1st grade that said he hopes we'll always be together,, I'm so glad it's Friday, I've got a lot to work through! It's going to be an easy day for my students too, we start testing next week for two entire weeks so we are going to play Social Studies Bingo, Math Vocab. Bingo, easy stuff that still counts as work lol.

 

[justbugged]

I remember the first few days, weeks, and months after my son moved out, and all I can recall is the sense of peace I felt. I can't complain about my DS, he is a fine young man, but if you have done your job as a parent then there comes a time to let go. It can be scary for everyone, and yet there is peace in flying.

You've done your job, and it's time for your bay bird to fly. They always seem to come back, just to make sure that we are still here.