Tough love is really tough, it hurts (him too now)

[debilorrah]

I was going to post my drama here then it took a turn that left me flabberghasted, so I had to start my own thread. UGH!

 

[WriterofWords]

Uh oh,, I'll go find it!

 

[ChooksinChoppers]

Why cant it be easy? Why dont they listen to you? Why do they have to take the hard road when you offer them an easy one?

 

[JustAChickenLittle&More]

I raised five bio children, and I thought I would never make it through those years. I had to do the same thing and it was heart-breaking. However, everything is sweet now! As a matter of fact two of them came to me and told me how they would not have been as successful as they are, if I hadn't been strict and open with them. It was very stressful though. And I'm a glutton for punishment so I am a foster parent now, and hoping to adopt our three foster children under 12. There is also a young girl who knows my daughter that is 6 1/2 months pregnant and she asked my daughter if I would be interested in adopting her baby because she already has one and she knows she cannot deal with it. Of course I said sure, we'll talk about it.

So you hang in there! One bit of advice I will give you, keep looking out for yourself first. We moms tend to put everyone and their feelings before ours, thats a terrible idea. We can be caring, thoughtful, loving to our adult children, but never put your adult children in front of your sanity. I'll be praying for both of you.

 

[La Mike]

Quote:
For the same reason alot of us didnt listen they need to find out for themselves.2 of the most appreciated days of my life was when my son now 25 and my daughter now 27 decided to tell me .

Dad you were right and I love you for all you did.
They all come to that eventually just takes time. Hope it works out Kate it surely will eventually

)

 

[WriterofWords]

I'm going to have to reteach myself on how to put me first. It's been me and him since he was 6 months old and he is 19 now. I'm making plans though, things I would usually do with him like camping and overnight trips and such. I used to do all that by myself with one of my dogs until he was born.

 

[WriterofWords]

Well, I'm shocked. Steven went to the one person he thought for sure would take his side against me, his father. For once, since 1988, he took my side in something. From the time we were married he sided against me in everything, especially after Steven was born in November of 1991 and we split up the first time in January of 1992. We split permanently in April 1992 but I couldn't get my divorce until August of 1996. Steven went over their today and told him how awful I am being to him, how mean, how I treat him like a child, I don't listen, etc. etc. etc. His dad told him he was wrong, and that I have done a darn good job raising him on my own, with little to no help from him. He didn't tell me this, lol, he told my mother. He called my mom to tell her what happened because Steven left furious and he thought he would be coming home that way, my mom told him that he moved out, he hadn't told his dad that. If enough people tell him to take another look, without being asked to, maybe he will think about it.
He moved more of his stuff out today earlier than that though, and like I told my mom, I won't just take him back in. There has to be a change, and I don't think that will happen, at least not anytime soon.

 

[baltimoreharps]

Quote:
Stay strong Momma!! That is awesome that even dad backed you up.

Our boys are very close in age, within a month of each other so I understand what you are going through. If he left dad's house that mad, he's not getting the response he wants and is throwing a temper fit.
Keep standing firm.

 

[claud]

Oh my. How heartbreaking! I have a 4 yr old son and I can't imagine a time when we wouldn't be close. But then I also have a 20 year old DD that is making me tear my hair out so I see how it happens.
Scientifically speaking a person's brain is not done growing until they are at least 25 yrs old. Try to keep some kind of connection and hang in there.

 

[WriterofWords]

I cursed myself by saying he never had his terrible two's or teen angst,, boy they sure hit all together. I've spoken with several friends today who have called to ask what the heck is going on and what happened with Steven? I haven't talked with a lot of people around here about it, but they are all finding out now. He has complained to several people and most of them realize that there are two sides, they know me, I'm not perfect, but they know me. It's hard to believe though, everyone has always known him as a polite, caring, wonderful, young man. And somewhere deep inside he is still that person.