trusted my kids with a pervert. very upset.

[Mom 2em All]

Quote:
Most child rape/molestation happens from someone the child knows and trusts and most of the time, its family. And that family member is an upstanding citizen, "great with kids", no criminal history...very easy for people to say, "Oh no way- not HIM!!" Its sad, scary, and true.

trust me.

 

[Dar]

Quote:
Background checks are pretty much useless!!!!! all they do is see if someone has been caught.... they could have been abusing children for years and never been caught

its almost always someone you know... someone thats trusted... family, family friend, coach, teacher, ect....

the best way to protect your child is talk to them and talk to them often.. and never use the term stranger danger.... or good touch bad touch..

Someone used the term helicopter mom (love the term) .. but they are right... you cant be everywhere, their best protection is education, teach them to trust their gut if someone makes them feel strange... or creepy.. this can all be done with out scaring the crap out of them too

My son was sexually molested by his soccer coach for 2 years... he befriended the family, it took 5 years for him to earn the trust factor before he touched my son... these are patient individuals!

 

[The Chicken People]

Hope he gets what hes got coming....someday he will answer to someone...

 

[PineappleMama]

I think, given my paranoia, that if I ever had to find someone -day care, coach, etc- that I'd do the searching myself. You can pay to find background info... but as pointed out that isn't always the whole story. Snooping in newspapers can help too. If you know where they've lived you can poke around for articles about them. If their town has a police blotter that can help in the search. Also, I wouldn't be offended if someone asked me for references before allowing me access to their child... in fact I would respect them MUCH more as parents if they did ask... so I'd do that too. Speak with ACTUAL parents, better still if possible speak to the former student... none of that is 100% effective, but it could very well weed out a sneaky snake in the grass that if you only depended on a conviction record (or lack thereof) might slip past your guard.

Just hypothetical of course... unfortunately due to experience, hearing of others and my own, this is a thought that has plagued me since I was quite young... think 11... so yeah, majority of my life I have feared for my siblings, cousins, and even before ever meeting DH I feared for the children I'd have someday... and having them didn't make those fears disappear but only made them more... there. If that makes sense. Sheesh, no wonder people think I'm bananas.

 

[turney31]

 

[TheBarnSwallow]

Its not just the sexual ones either ... look at some of the serial killers.. they are up right citizens in the light but come dark their true deeds come out...

 

[Blackbird]

Quote:
Most child rape/molestation happens from someone the child knows and trusts and most of the time, its family. And that family member is an upstanding citizen, "great with kids", no criminal history...very easy for people to say, "Oh no way- not HIM!!" Its sad, scary, and true.

trust me.

x2

 

[Lorije1]

Background checks are useless. The average sexual predator abuses dozens / hundreds of kids before reported by even 1.
And as for "helicopter parents" - you can't be everywhere, and as your kids grow they are going to do more and more to get out from under your watchful eye. Teach them confidence, that it's ok to say no to authority figures when they know something is wrong, and that there are no 'secrets' between adults and kids (this causes problems re: Christmas gifts

). Teach your kids that their safety is more valuable than any other relationship you have - ie if your favorite cousin in the world is being inappropriate, you still want them to tell (not that I know anything about that stuff

).

Your kids are young... start now teaching them the medical terms for their body, and that there is good touch and bad touch - to trust their 'tummy' about bad touch.

 

[joebryant]

Quote:
BTW, he had raped one girl, but she couldn't prove it.
I'm still outraged about that experience, and frankly after personally talking to 50 sets of parents of small children who were victimized , I'm sitting here wondering how many of you would have let him walk rather than be willing to go/testify in a court against him. Talk is cheap.

 

[Dar]

Quote:
I kinda disagree.... about the good touch bad touch part... everything else is bang on... when young children are being taught about good touch and bad touch it can confuse them... some times the "bad touch" gets confused with the "good touch" while being abused it can feel good to them as in the sexual arousal part but of course they dont know what the heck is going on to them its not sexual.. it hmmm this feels good ... so it will go unreported.. they associate the "bad touch" with being hurt as in pain ...

each method is different for teaching your kids.. in our house we have a wide variety of medical backgrounds here so using proper terminology in this house it nothing new, but in some homes they cant be that open and thats ok.. no one wants to feel uncomfortable... my SIL uses the bathing suit rule... NO one has the right to touch you or look at you where a girls bathing suit would cover. If the doctor needs to look there mommy or daddy will be right there