trying really hard to get over this, but

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

Quote:
I think this is it exactly. I am NOT a drama queen. My sister is. Always has been. From before birth. My mom has told stories about how perfect her pregnancy was with me. Not sick one day and such. But that when she was pregnant with my sister she couldnt stand the sight of some foods. also that I was always the quiet child, non demanding and such. I just always rolled over on my own wants and needs because baby susie wanted or needed something. hence the fact that she has the 4 year college education and I have a two year one that I paid for myself.

see.. I know this..But it still hurts like a b*tch. I spoke breifly with my mom the other night, but made an excuse to hang up when she began asking "how was the food?"" Did you like the cake?" " do you think everyone had a good time?"
I asked her if the cake had been from the bakery I thought and she confirmed it. Now I know it wasnt a cheap cake. I got my wedding cake from that bakery.! I dont know when I will get a chance to speak with her again. actually I am not sure if I can talk with her right now. And that stinks. My daughter loves my mom. And her animals and I just really dont think that I will be able to stand it if/when she starts telling my kid that she cant see her or such because the new baby needs her.
She was supposed to go down there for Feb vacation. But right now that is up in the air due to the whole 180 days of school thing going on here
But at the same time I dont want to burden my mom with aking care of the less special granddaughter.

man. This just sitnks. it is taking away from my happiness for my sister and her husband(who is a sweet heart) about the coming of thier child. But I am just so tired of this type of thing happening just because I am not a demanding b*tch.

 

[Mahonri]

I hope none of my 7 ever feel like you.

I love all of them.

God bless.

 

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

dont get me wrong. I know my mom loves me.
Its just that my sister is more, well...demanding? B*tchy?
and I am not, nor have I ever been.

I have always been the demure, kind hearted, animal lover of us two. ie the CRAZY ONE.
And I know that there is nothing wrong with that. And I love myself for having those qualities.. and I get them from both my parents.
I guess I was really just daddies little girl. And when he died "my" special parent was gone.

I was a wreck when my father had a stroke and the died from related complications. I cried for weeks. I couldnt go to work. I couldnt eat. And then it was compounded by my x dh leaving me the day after the funeral.
My sister made it through our fathers death by living off the hate she had for him for cheating on our mother. I managed to forgive my dad years before his death. Mostly because I saw things in my mother that drove me nuts and I figured it drove my dad a bit nuts as well. No, he should not have cheated on her. But I couldnt hold that against him.

Nor will I hold this hurt against my mom. I know she is only human, as we all are. Next time I get down to see her I will try and get some one on one time with her and try and tell her how hurt I am. I know that keeping this inside is only going to hurt me more and will do not good to our relationship. Learned THAT little tid bit from my first marriage.

My poor dh doesnt stand a chance if I am upset over something. He knows pretty quick when I am ticked or upset

 

[Run-A-Muck Ranch]

sorry you are having to deal with all this 'stuff'--to put it nicely.

I do know exactly how you feel though. Not from my parents, but grandparents. I have always known these 2 to be my grandma and grandpa. But they make it very well known to everyone they talk to that 'they treat me just like a REAL grandkid'. Yes, techically they are my 'step grandparents'. My mom and dad (stepdad--but I don't call him that...it's just dad) meet when I was about a year old. They married when I was 2. She had my sisters not long after that(they are twins). I have known my grandparents for 31ish years then--as I am 32~~I think!!!! And still to this day they bring it up. How it's just like I am granddaughter to them. My goodness....I am the one who lets them live at my place when they come back from Texas every year~~FOR FREE. I am the one who lets them put a garden in at my place(I also have one). I am the one who has to listen to them BLEEPED OUT WORD about our animals and how we shouldn't have them. (my dad never even had a cat growing up). My sisters really have nothing to do with them. Oh, the occational meal out or something. But by no means would they ever let them stay at there place...We have the land they don't. My grandparents are 'snowbirds' so they live in their motorhome when they come back to WI. They have a house in TX.
Anyway at Christmas time they always send us money. It's very nice to get and I greatly appreciate it. But the part that gets under my skin so bad is that we get $XXX for us, $XXX for our spouse/SO, and $XXX amount for each of our kids. So the money is always nice. But when my sisters were between guys (so to speak) they still got the $XXX for that guy wether they were in the picture or not, or even if it was a new guy --heck the day before type of thing. BUT they 2 Christmas Jason was in Iraq---they ever so nicely never sent the Christmas money for him...WHEN WE TRUELY NEEDED IT......I don't want to sound selfish here by saying that...I don't care they didn't send the money for him so much as I know my sisters will always and forever get money for there SO/Spouse even if there isn't one... My sisters are there only blood grandkids as my dad is an only child. My kids get the shaft every year too...Birthday, no card for them, me or Jason...But by goodness my sisters and there whole familys have there cards sent well enough in advance as to not forget...
When you started talking about the 'baby shower' I thought I was reliving my own all over again...I never had the big shin-dig with either of my kids...My sisters both did with ALL of there kids...(one has 3 kids the other 2) And my grandparents lavished them with gifts, attention(when they see them), cards when they're down in TX. All kinds of money sent to them....And we sit high and dry from them..
I guess I have gone 31ish years with things this way...I should be use to it...Which I am....It just gets under my skin at times.....

So back on track....Sorry you are having to deal with 'stuff' like this...I try to really believe that it makes me stronger having to deal with this stuff...

 

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

Quote:
my mom threw my shower and my sisters

 

[coffeemama]

I feel for you-as you can see above I have dealt with this kind of stuff too. Luckily my mom and I are both non-drama queens so she doesn't do that. But I've had plenty of family members who have. And my dh has been in the position to not get things while his (formally) drug addicted brother got everything. He got 6 cars and trucks bought for him over the years, but when it was obvious that we could not make payments on a truck the inlaws sold us, they got in a tissy. My poor dh has a wife who's been in school for 4+ years and a daughter, while the brother in law has no responsibility. But the BIL expected those vehicles, while we expected to pay them for ours. Ug.

 

[debilorrah]

I didn't read all the posts but I can certainly relate to how you feel. I also know that saying something to Mom will shock her to the core because she will swear she loves you all the same.

I am the oldest and have a different father than my two brothers. The youngest child is the Golden Boy, I am a grey sheep and my the middle is the black sheep.

The Golden Boy never does anything wrong, has cuter kids, was smarter in school, has the prettiest wife, makes more money, takes better vacations, and can do no wrong. Never mind that it's me mom calls when she needs something. I never tell her no either. She is my mom and if she needs me than that is what I have to do.

The Golden Boy, while I love him dearly, has no clue what is coming. What comes around goes around.....

 

[horsejody]

I'm glad to know I'm not the only "not the favorite." When I was born my Mom was 19 years old, and I was her third child. When she was 25 my younger sister was born. It seemed that my older sister and I did as much or more to raise her than my parents. I remember once I was about 8 years old and taking apart a piece of furniture. It collapsed and fell on my hands. I screamed in pain. Parents came running. When they ran around the corner and saw it was me with my hands being squished, they stopped running. Dad said, "Oh it's only you. I thought it was Baby Jane." Yes, he got my hands out, but the urgency to save the screaming child was gone. That still hurts. Dad is gone, but Mom still dotes on the younger sister. Mom insists that she live near her baby because the "baby" doesn't work and is raising 2 kids and she certainly needs help. Well, all 3 of her other kids each raised two kids while working full time jobs. I just don't get it. Rant over.

 

[Jena]

My honest advice is tell them all exactly how you feel.

I have very good reasons for saying that too, and don't let it continue.
For your daughter's sake, stop it and stop it now.

Families do this to people and it is the meanest thing ever to do to a child or a grandchild.

Don't let it fester and make you feel any less than you are. or your daughter.

Tell your mother and your sister

if photos were being taken, it would have made such a good picture to see your sister include your daughter in the photo, and share her joy. It would have been a more suitable reflection on her as a "soon to be mother". (and yes it also reflects on her that she excluded your daughter in this particular way)

I am sure that both you and your daughter are 10 times the women they think they are.

Blessing for both of you,

Jena.

 

[horsejody]

I think I am better off because I wasn't the favorite. I see the way my sister turned out. She is helpless and will not get anywhere in life. My brother and I were the black sheep (we refer to eachother as Blacksheep 1 and Blacksheep 2). My older sister is a gray sheep. The baby sister is the "golden child."

As for my own kids, I have no favorites. When I have grandkids, I will spoil them all equally!! Right now I am practicing my grandchild spoiling techniques on the dog. He is currently the baby.