UGH! Men! Rant

[Sitka]

I would also immediately stop doing your brother's homework for him. He obviously doesn't appreciate it. There is no reason for you to do that.

 

[mom'sfolly]

I am a stay at home mom, my job is cooking, cleaning and caring for my children. I would not tolerate this behaviour from anyone in my household. The person doing the work has an expectation of cooperation from the rest of the people. In my home you put away your own clothes, you put your laundry in the hamper and you clean up your own messes. Your family's treatment of you beyond what anyone should be expected to do.

Your brother must be sixteen or seventeen, and has learned you are a maid and not to be respected. He is capable of doing his share.

If you feel like doing things to help them, go ahead; but draw a line. Don't clean up messes left on purpose. If your brother can't figure out where the trash can is, it is not your fault or responsiblity. If you clean his clothes, he can put them away. If not, don't bother to rewash. If he is too lazy to move clothes from the dryer to somewhere appropriate, don't rewash them.

Cleaning and helping may be a reasonable expectation for all of you. What is not reasonable is expecting you to tolerate and take care of chaos and disorder created by laziness and disrespect. Your brother is an ass, and you are allowing him to be. No more doing his homework, no more picking up his litter, no more cleaning clothes that he can't be bothered to put away. If someone smells a bad trash can, they can take it out. Why is it your fault?

Why is your brother allowed to treat you this way?
Why are you doing his school work? It is his only job, you are only making things worse by enabling his laziness.
Who does these jobs when you are not there?
Why do they think that making extra work is ok?
Why are you paying for gas in a car that your brother is using?

 

[agnes_day]

this might sound trite and overused but people can only take advantage of you if you let them.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Do NOT do your brother's coursework--that is cheating! Unless you've only done his work a time or two, and he has done the bulk of the work, he should be drop the course and start over. If his teachers find out someone else has done his work he will likely FAIL, and may well not be given an opportunity to retake the course. He might also suffer other consequences such as being inellegible for his team. They might also notify your college of your part in the cheating.

Tell your father that your brother is not doing his coursework or practicing his ball playing. Do this at a time when you and your father are both in good moods--it wouldn't hurt to make sure the house is straightened up when you start the conversation. Do this when your brother is not around--you do not want it to digress to an emotional argument or blame casting. This needs to be a conversation between two adults.

Say something along the lines of, "Dad, I am concerned about Matt. He's not doing his coursework, and he's not practicing like he is supposed to. I've been a rather foolish big sister and helped him by doing some of the work, but that isn't going to teach him the material and allow him to get credit for the course. Can you please speak to him?" This is not being a snitch, this is providing your father with information he needs.


You can also express your concern about what is going to happen when you leave for school--who is going to clean, then? I don;t know if your family's finances allow it, but hiring a housekeeper to come in once a week or even once every two weeks might help. If nothing else, the cost might give them a wake-up call.

 

[Emzyyy]

lol put locks on the cabinets for dishes and the refigerator so they have to ask permission.

 

[LarryPQ]

Emzzyy! That is not the solution!

Mostly because you get people like me, who's (unstable and now happliy medicated) mother did that. I took the doors off the hinges, removed everything from the cupboards/fridge, hid the stuff at a vacationing neighbors, and put the doors back on.

Oooohh Mom was MAAAD. No wonder she needed happy pills!

But seriously, back to the question. Stop being your brother's doormat. He'll figure it out at home or at school when his roomies kick him out .

 

[wegotchickens]

Sorry, but your brother sounds like he's headed for a fall and you're enabling him. You make a lot of excuses for his very poor behavior and also your father's.

They can't use you as a doormat unless you lay down and let them (can't remember who said that but it's true).

Spending time with family is watching TV together, not being their unappreciated maid. Or helping them cheat. Both your father & your brother need to know that you love them but won't cater to them. Make them dinner and then leave the dishes for them. Hang out without cleaning up.

If you're in college, then there is a counselor available somewhere at the school, who is either free or at a VERY reduced rate. Talk to someone. Even as your dad & bro are setting bad habits for themselves, you may be doing the same.
You can love them and still deal with their faults. But you don't want to be where you are right now EVERY summer and EVERY holiday!

 

[babylady4]

Ok, #1 STOP doing your Bro's coursework! What the heck! NO WAY would I EVER do something like that for such an ungreatful slob.

#2 STOP WASHING ALL THE CLOTHES. If it does not make it into the hamper (dad) don't pick it up and wash it. Brother can wash his own crap. Eventually he will run out of underwear and have to do it......

#3 Present them BOTH with a salary and what you should be getting PAID to do all this work. NO WAY does it = one month rent!

#4 If they want to live like pigs, let them. Move back out.

The way you make excuses for these two makes me think you have been a victim of some kind of abuse; making excuses for other people and their behavior is a classic sign.

You are not a doormat: nobody deserves to be treated this way. And in no way, shape, or form is your brother better than you because he is MALE. After the trip to the beach I think I would pack up the rest of my stuff and leave. People treat dogs better than you are being treated by your own family!

Shame on them; I'd LOVE to come and kick some butt!!!! Chauvinist pigs......

 

[thewarriorchild]

"#2 STOP WASHING ALL THE CLOTHES. If it does not make it into the hamper (dad) don't pick it up and wash it. Brother can wash his own crap. Eventually he will run out of underwear and have to do it......"

or not.......

 

[babylady4]

When he is at school running around in the same BROWN pair of undies I bet he will wash them then! NO WAY any GIRL will go NEAR him smelling THAT BAD!!!!!