VERY upset. Need a shoulder.

First of all ... a big "THANK YOU" to your husband for his service and an even BIGGER "THANK YOU" - plus a hug - for YOUR sacrifices! I admire you . . . and I'll be looking out for you and waiting to hear from you again, as often as you need to vent or ask for help ... please do! After the holidays, Spring will be just around the corner with much better weather, more chickies will hatch, your kids will need summer activities to keep them (and you!) busy and the time will pass more quickly and smoothly.

I like Chickenzoo's suggestions . . . and we'll pray for your safety and peace of mind.

Hang in there Pal, we will be here for you!
 
We've got a dog, she's not super 'watchy'... but she does bark sometimes. I'm going to get someone to train me on our tactical shotgun, and am going to put in a driveway alarm... so if anyone comes up, i'll hear a bell. Some motion flood lights will help too... I'm not sure whether to immerse myself in projects (online classes, swimming lessons and ballet for the girls, tae kwon do for the boy) or leave things really open, in case I'm just not able to handle additional responsibilities beyond just keeping the kids fed. I am really worried that I'll just lose it... and be unable to handle everything, emotionally and technically ( bills, shoveling, kids, laundry, vacuuming, etc.)... Thanks for the support and the kind words. He chose this army thing knowing that this was a possibility, but we thought he was not eligible due to his school schedule... and I feel that I should be able to handle this graciously, but I just want to scream and cry and pull someone's hair! Anyway, nothing I can do about it except try to ACT the best I can, even if I'm dying inside. A year is SO long... I can't even imagine it. I'm also worried because he tends to be kind of heroic, and he might just get himself hurt over there trying to save something or someone, and It's selfish, i know, but I just want him to be safe.

anyway, you guys are great, and it is really helpful to read your replies. thanks.
 
The military have fantastic family services organizations--take advantage of them. I agree that motion detectors adn lights are a good idea. Consider getting some guineas--they are a very good alarm for things that are out of the ordinanry.

As for the dog, a dog who occcasionally barks is not a good watch dog--you need one who will let you know when something out of the ordinary is happening--whenever anyone is approaching. A guard dog serves a different purpose than a watch dog--a guard dog is trained to protect---to attack intruders at your command. These are both working positions, ans unless you have really good training and the right breed your current pet is not really a good choice for serving in one of these capacities. So, you need to think about whether you want to add an animal or two, of find a different alternative.

Invite family (especially Dad & brothers) to help you learn to feel safe in your own home. I don't know how far out in the country you are and whether there is any reasonable way to install a monitored security system; investigate the possibility. At the very least a security company will help you evaluate your home and land and figure out the best ways to keep you safe. Ask the police/sheriff to patrol your areas more frequently.

It does sound like you are a bit too insecure and afraid--beyond what is reasonable. How often are there break-ins or violent crime of any sort in your area? If the number causes a concern, consider moving somewhere that you feel safer for the duration of DH's deployment; if not, then consider counciling that is aimed at increasing your self-confidence, along with a good self-defense course and a good marksmanship course.

I will echo my thanks to your husband for serving our country and protecting our freedoms, and you and your children for supporting him.
 
Honey - your worries sound very logical to me. I don't think you will lose it 'long term', but go ahead a have 'short term' screamin' weamies whenever you need to... Just do it when your kiddies can't hear or see you. The shower will be a good place! I believe you have a good head on your shoulders and will be able to handle this. A year is a long time, but maybe it will be easier to break it up into smaller time units. Think of month-to-month or week-to-week. It's kinda like being pregnant ... just work on getting through each trimester safely...

The year will pass by anyway. You can do this, one day at a time ... you can do this! We'll be here to cheer you on!
 
I live real rural. If I call 911, they will send state police from the barracks 40 minutes away... which is SO NOT HELPFUL! An ambulance can get to my house within 30 minutes... my friend's ex-marine husband can get to my house within 10 minutes... we're real rural. so I am my best line of defense... so anything LOUD would be good. DH is not a big animal lover, and would probably be totally furious if I added any more pets to the roster. do you'all think I can train my border collie/ lab mix to be a better watch dog? She's a rescue, and was badly treated when she was little, so she cowers a little if you make her nervous... but she does bark sometimes when DH comes home late...
 
hugs.gif
hugs.gif
hugs.gif
Oh, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. As the wife of a retired Navy man, I know tha any deployment is hard, but unexpected ones make you feel like you're being cheated out of time with your DH!

I agree that you do sound inordinately nervous about being the lone adult in the house. Do you have any relatives (a sister or cousin, maybe?) who could come and stay with you for a while?

I know it's tough. We're here for you.
 
I had the cops tell me to install the poor mans burglar alarm in my apt. once when I had a theft happen--that was in my single days.

What that is, is put a glass on every window ledge where the 2 windows meet in the middle... the glass falls and breaks on the floor and alerts you. Of course it won't work on carpeted areas.

If you are not part of a church I would offer that they are often a source of great support. While my husband was gone to Iraq I had husbands coming and cleaning my gutters, ladies bringing food--non-perishables, meals, and grocery gift cards, presents for my kids at Christmas and Easter, and they have hired someone to plow my drive. The youth group even painted my kitchen/dining/living when I had water damage from a frozen pipe. They really are a blessing. All it takes is that you reach out to a church and tell them your circumstances and that you are in need. They are willing to help most humbly...even if you are not a member. Trust in thy God with all thine heart and you will get through this, I promise.

Have a phone near you and just be aware. And go to bed and rest my love... you need it, your kids need you, and from a woman with serious health issues and only 36 years young....your body and soul need it.

You'll be ok. Reach out. You are not alone.

Love in Christ,
Gretchen
 
Quote:
I like this one. You've got little ones, so what about plastic Dollar store cups with jingle bells or something that you will hear when it falls, even on the carpet.

I don't know about that tactical weapon. My fear would be someone would get it away from me.

Through the window locks, not those little latches on top. Something that won't let the windows slide open except from the inside. I have ones that have a pin. You'd have to break the window out to get in. Solid wood doors with heavy duty dead bolts. I like the idea of a driveway alarm and motion detector lights. Just remember critters can set them off as well. Camera at the front and back door.

You are going to be ok!
 
Been there and will be there again.
hugs.gif


I actually moved us out here in the boonies while he was deployed the last time. I couldn't stand being in housing anymore with everyone knowing my business and them trying to tell me when to rake, etc. My advice is that if you are not comfortable out there then take some of the extra money that he'll be getting and make adjustments to your property until you do feel safe. Get the driveway alarm, install an alarm, even if the police take a while to get there, the signs are a deterant and you can ask that they contact a trusted neighbor/friend who lives closer anytime it goes off. Take some weapons classes so that you are comfortable taking care of and using a weapon if you have to. If you don't know your neighbors (even if they are down the road, like ours are), get to know them and let them watch out for you. As far as DH knew/knows things went swimmingly while he was gone the vast majority of the time. There's nothing wrong with a good cry in the shower or a good grumbling conversation on the phone with a good trusted friend to vent the rest. You can do this and you'll make him so proud of how you handle everything. If your unit's FRG is active, consider joining it even if only by email so that you're up to date on real information concerning the unit.

We're here anytime to listen or throw out ideas or just give a
hugs.gif
 
You sound like a strong individual, you are going to be fine. Install a security system and be quiet about your situation (for me a protection dog would not be an option, I have one because of where we live also but remember certain breeds are not allowed on post housing when you relocate)
One of my favorite ideas for the kids and the deploying parent is to make a paper chain with all the days he is going to be gone and hang it in the family room or whatever, somewhere where you can see it, take one off the chain daily for the kids to see the countdown until he arrives home and use that link to write a few things that happened that day for daddy and either mail to him or save to read with the kids when he gets home. It gives them all something to look forward to. It is hard but your husband needs you to be strong. I understand the sacrifice and heartache you are facing my husband just got back.
hugs.gif
 

New posts New threads Active threads

Back
Top Bottom