Wait... YOU are giving ME the silent treatment?!?!

[The Chicken Lady]

Quote:
It sounds like the OP needs to learn how to communicate.

Instead of venting here on BYC, you should be telling your SO, etc., how you feel. We may feel bad for you, but having someone sympathize isn't going to solve your problem. As well, instead of him being silent, he should be explaining what is wrong.

Communication breakdown is one of the reasons marriages fail. If you guys can't learn how to speak with one another, but want things to improve between you, it might be good to find someone -- such as a counselor (and some churches offer them for free, if you belong to a church) -- who can help you learn to talk things out.

**Edited** because I wanted to clarify that my advice was for the OP.... OOps!!

 

[Solsken Farm]

Jenn

My dh is a REALLY nice guy and would help ANYONE in the world, except me. He is beloved by friends and family for all he does for them. He is selfless, humble and hardworking. He has always worked 125% at his job and has been there for 20 years. He has no enemies.

It took me 14 years to get him to help me out around the house, and start preparing meals. We have 3 kids 6- 9 and he just started last year. It took me doing less than nothing for at least a year and some serious anger to finally get him to understand I was not a stay at home homemaker like his MOM! I think his mom doing everything for him his whole life really did me in.

He really contributes now, but I still cannot get him to hang his clothes up OR put them in the laundry basket, even though I put a basket right in his closet. He throws them on the floor NEXT to the basket.

I do love the guy and he is a great dad. He has made massive changes, but it took hard work and lots of angst to get some equity.

Relationships take tons of work. And it never ends. Communication is key, as is being assertive without blaming or causing defensiveness. Ugh. Hard stuff.

Good luck to you.

 

[2 Beauts]

Chicken Lady,

I think my comment wasn't clear. Yes, we've been married 17 years. I think the reason for some of the divorces in our culture is because people, in general, take their loved ones for granted. They think they'll always be there.

Now, it's never been like that in our house. I've cooked dinner, you need to say thank you for cooking it. When you're done, you need to carry your plate to the sink and push in your chair. Once everyone is finished, DH needs to help clean up. And if I'm giving the kids a bath that night, he may be doing most of the clean up.

 

[BeardedChick]

He really contributes now, but I still cannot get him to hang his clothes up OR put them in the laundry basket, even though I put a basket right in his closet. He throws them on the floor NEXT to the basket.

[BeardedChick feints to the floor] Goodness gracious, my husband has another family, and I didn't even know it!!!!!

 

[debilorrah]

Well... After reading some of these posts, I think I am supposed to miserable. I am not. I love to cook, and everyone does say thank you. My fiance can't do laundry to save his life. Before he met me, he would just go buy new socks instead of wash the ones he had. The kids clean the house. He does the yard work with the boys. The kitchen is MINE and I don't want him in there messin with it either. He can do biscuits and gravy on Sunday morning, but leave everything else alone. When there are nights that I just don't feel like cooking, it's called YOUR ON YOUR OWN KIDS. I don't feel the need to ask him to cook or clean - I don't want to do the coop or the yard either.

 

[maplesky7]

June 8th (the day my dh got back to Iraq from his leave) to Aug. 17th (my daughter's 7th birthday.).*call


no emails...no phone calls...no letters....nothing.


Aug. 17th. to Sept. 16th.*call


Sept. 16-Oct. 4th*call

Oct. 4th-?


Used to be every few nights....then once a week...then the above.


And yes, I have sought out my Pastor's help for counceling and hope when dh returns he will also...there is too much on the table and too many hurts to try and tackle the issues without an impartial person. After all, he doesn't fight fair. And after REALLY getting to know his family...I see a pattern.

I certainly can empathize with you. If this is a pattern I would definately seek counceling BEFORE you marry---individually and as a couple. No sense in being miserable all your life. No sense in not having boundries and limits in place. And it's only fair and just, to help one another...whether you desire to or not...it shows love and compassion and helps free the other of all the burden...to share in the responsiblities of every day life, means to give of yourself and your heart, soul, body, mind, and Spirit.

And once the responsibilities of every day life are shared and each person can identify with their loved one and be open in expressing their needs and each can hear the need and be open to helping without harboring any resentment because they too will have a need that they will have to share and need assistance upon, then both persons can forgive and release any negative feelings that were once there. And then they are both able to rest when they need rest and share quality time together and appreciate and respect one another for the person they are.

We each have our strengths...you have yours and he has his.
And together we are meant to complete each other.


I know my dh is really upset. He knows I am unhappy, he has voiced this. I don't know what to think about any of the mess that has befallen upon us. All I know, is I seek my Lord and Savior to give me strength. I seek byc for friendships, especially in times like now, when my friend is gone. I seek my husband for a husband, a father, a help mate, a friend, a companion, a lover, a provider, a Spirit filled warrior and many other things. I miss him but I do not miss his behavior and that is something I hope we can work on and overcome. I hope through respectful talks we can get to the heart of the matter and come to a place of peace. And I would not have been able to endure all of the trials and his departure had it not been for the one person, I place ALL my faith within, Jesus Christ my comforter.

Blessings to you and may you feel God's love and guidance in this matter. Listen to your heart. YOUR heart. Be still...the answer will come.

Love in Christ,
Gretchen

 

[The Chicken Lady]

Quote:
Actually, I was agreeing with you and MY comment wasn't clear.

I should have made sure to address the OP.

My fault entirely.

 

[JennsPeeps]

He came back about 30 mins later and sat with me on the couch, like nothing was wrong. Maybe nothing was wrong.

Sometimes trying to understand the people you live with is just too confusing.

DBF has learned that sulking and pouting gets him nowhere with me. It might irritate me, but I don't play the hide-n-go-seek game with someone who won't tell me what's wrong. I leave them alone until they're ready to discuss it, especially if they aren't ready to talk about it.

Thanks for letting me vent and for being kind as you see one aspect into my life.

As for that whole "why buy the cow" adage

, there is another version: "Why buy the hog when you can get the sausage for free?"

 

[Buff Hooligans]

Quote:
Touche' !!!

 

[Blisschick]

Quote:
I am sooooo going to use this the next time he throws a fit!