Was I wrong? Parenting Question

[Orchid]

Quote:
Our daycare provider thought I was horribly mean not to fight my two and a half year old into his winter coat when it was 15º outside (I did bring the coat, but he refused to wear it). Lo and behold, that only happened one time, and after that there was no argument about wearing his coat when it was time to get ready to go!

I am a big believer in the teaching power of natural consequences.

 

[ChickenAlgebra]

Quote:
Our daycare provider thought I was horribly mean not to fight my two and a half year old into his winter coat when it was 15º outside (I did bring the coat, but he refused to wear it). Lo and behold, that only happened one time, and after that there was no argument about wearing his coat when it was time to get ready to go!

I am a big believer in the teaching power of natural consequences.

Annika's developed a new trick that she wants to wear her coat backwards. Fine. Go right ahead. You have to hold my hand the entire time because your hood is up and you can't see, but she's at least wearing it. I'm somehow not seeing the negatives in allowing this. I'm not arguing with a 3 y/o to wear her coat the right way and she can't go away from me.

 

[TheJuan-n-Only]

I don't see it as you making him take a cold shower. I see him as you making him take a shower there was not hot water due to his own fault; ergo, he made himself take a cold shower!

I would like to know if he ever does it again! lol

 

[LiLRedCV]

Quote:
Our daycare provider thought I was horribly mean not to fight my two and a half year old into his winter coat when it was 15º outside (I did bring the coat, but he refused to wear it). Lo and behold, that only happened one time, and after that there was no argument about wearing his coat when it was time to get ready to go!

I am a big believer in the teaching power of natural consequences.

My oldest would dilly dally around in the mornings. Constant fighting going on to get him ready and out the door. Due to his need for an Individual Education Program (IEP), I had to drive him to his school - no bussing service available for this back then, it was out of our regular district and the opposite direction of my job. Neither of us could afford to be late getting out the door every morning. Didn't matter if I woke him up an hour earlier than it should've been to start his day or not... he was still late!

Finally resorted to using a timer. He had XX amount of time to get ready and if he wasn't? Well, he went out the door just as he was. He didn't take me serious at first, but once I marched him outside in his underwear, clothes in hand to the car and he had to get dressed while I drove (this was long before seat belts were mandatory). That was the last time I had a problem with him getting ready on time! Now? He's 25yrs old and ready to go early for everything.

 

[dainerra]

Quote:
That woman did something entirely different. She used an icy shower as punishment for other things. Bring home a note about getting in trouble in class? She dragged the kid screaming fully clothed into the shower and sprayed him down with icy water.

Totally different than "you wasted all the hot water and only cold is left"

I believe she was also the same woman who did the hot sauce punishment

 

[rebelcowboysnb]

It may have been the same one but I don't remember ice being involved, only cold shower water.

 

[remuda1]

To me, it's a sad thing and a big sign of the times that this issue even needs to be debated. Of course it wasn't mean of you...... You had no choice, he needed a shower (and unfortunately, so did you!) and there was no hot water left directly due to his own actions. Therefore, cold shower it is. I mean, when I was a child the homes that had more than one bathroom were very few and far between, much less more than one hotwater heater. Cold showers were not the norm, but they weren't unheard of either, we were a family of four. It's just what we did sometimes..... How on earth did this DEvolve into being mean or the even more rediculous thought of child abuse, I mean really.

 

[CarolJ]

Quote:
I agree!

 

[cuntryuppiechick]

I think the difference in many of the cases of abuse is that the parent is acting calm and rational and speaking to the child in the good scenario. Where the child is being abused, the parent is trying to get the same message across with screaming or negative actions.

"I'm sorry sweetie, you look grungy and you need at least a quick shower before school. I'll help you remember next time so hopefully you'll be able to get in before the water runs cold." That's it. No federal case of it. Not adding to any anxiety he may have which it sounds like. You'd be supportive but not place blame. Maybe he should take a bath and that way he could stay in it until it naturally goes cold. It sounds like he has a lot on his mind and hasn't been able to process it. Boys aren't encouraged to express their emotions.

 

[chickened]

My father grew up in the Great Depression they had no indoor plumbing, there was 6 kids and they all took baths in a tub in the kitchen same water for all and it was not warm after the 2nd person. It wasn't child abuse then and it is not child abuse now.

This is, for this particular child, the way he learns things, by experiences and ordeals. You know him best and knows what works with him. Kids are not all from the same cookie cutter and child abuse has become a huge gray area aside from beatings. A joke I heard today "would beating Obama with a Cain be child abuse?