Was I wrong??? *rant* VERY LONG!!!

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by cjeanean, Dec 2, 2008.

  1. cjeanean

    cjeanean Can't Decide

    Mar 5, 2008
    Okay, first of all I gotta say that I'm a Christian and that there may be Christian content in this post, so if you disagree with my faith you may not want to read this/post...I don't want anyone getting upset, so please be respectful and be warned....

    Now, with that said, I'll start from the beginning:

    My husband's Grandma and I do not get along. She is 100% biased towards anyone who came from her blood, and even more so towards her male blood relatives. So anyone not from her bloodline are the enemy. Anyways, for the purpose of complete honesty, I can't stand this woman. I feel bad for the fact that no one in her family likes her, but other than that I can't stand her. She and I have gotten into several fights all because "I was keeping her from showing love to her family" (which I wasn't, those were cases of me not letting her give my child and my neice and nephew sweets before they at their regular food). She has left people messages saying she wishes my husband and I hadn't gotten together, that I'm all this terrible stuff and more. In the same breath, she talks about God and how much she wants marriages to work and blah blah blah. I understand she may be a little confused about the whole God is love thing and whatever, so I don't even go that way.

    Well, recently she has been asking us for money. I don't have a problem giving her, say, $20/month, that's something in our budget. Her children hate her and won't help her with anything, so she won't ask them for money, but my husband (her grandson) and I care about her and don't want her going without. This month, though, we've been putting our money aside for Christmas and everything else, and right now after all the Christmas shopping we did we have a little more than our bill money and gas money. We did have enough to give her what she asked for, I'll say that now. Her gas has been turned off for about 2 months now, and she's come over to our house once when it got really cold since she doesn't have any heat. Two weeks ago she asked for $30, my mom (who is on state assistance and completely broke) heard about it and gave her $20. This got Grandma an extension on her water bill. Today she called wanting $40 so her water wouldn't get shut off. I got kinda upset since there are places with special funds for utility assistance for elderly people, but she's too freakin proud to ask.

    I called her church to let them know her situation. They were 100% awesome about it and said they have a fund for helping church members who are in need. They said they would pay her full water bill, no problem, and they may even be able to help her get her gas turned back on. Anyways, hubby called Grandma to tell her not to worry about her water bill, but didn't tell her the church would be paying it cause he didn't want her to flip out.

    Later on tonight we got a call from the lady at the church. She told me that she had called Grandma and that Grandma told her that the bill was already taken care of. I told they lady it wasn't, that she's thinking my hubby paid the bill himself. So the church lady is gonna call the water dept in the morning to pay the bill, and hubby called Grandma to tell her what was going on. SHE FLIPPED OUT.

    She says that we were wrong for going behind her back to tell her church what her financial situation is. She is now convinced that she can't show her face at the church now because they'll look down on her as being a poor widow (even thought that's what she is) and that it's all MY fault for opening my mouth. She officially hates me again (which is kinda an ongoing thing) but even more so I don't think she's gonna go back to church there or let them pay her bill.

    I'm upset that she's willing to ask my husband for money despite the fact that he's the only meager income for our family of 3, but she's not willing to swallow her pride and ask her church for help. She's been a member there for years and always tithes, but doesn't want them to think she's poor.

    I feel bad cause God says to care for the poor, widows, etc....and that He'll take care of us. At the same time I feel this woman is walking all over us because she knows my husband will give her money.

    Was I wrong for calling the church???
  2. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    No you were not. She is just too proud to ask them for help, and too bitter to except it - toward you I am sure. If someone else had called would she react the same way?
  3. Fudgie

    Fudgie Hatching Queen - Got Fudge?

    No you were not wrong! IMO from what I read you are not supposed to go into debt to help someone else out. You use what is given to you to help others. The church is there for that purpose. IMO if she is not too proud to ask you dh for money, then she should not be too proud to ask the church. Tell her the other option is to let them shut everything off. You cannot pay it for her any more. Be strong. What would she do if you guys were not there close by to help bail her out?

    Stick to your guns Annie!
  4. cjeanean

    cjeanean Can't Decide

    Mar 5, 2008
    no, she heard it from my hubby, and didn't know for sure that I was the one who called. She assumed it was me, and hubby told her that WE (he and I) had talked it over. She would have be PO'd either way, just more forgiving of him....I just don't know if I should have shut up and given her the money or done what I did....I don't know what God would have wanted me to do....
  5. rufus

    rufus Overrun With Chickens

    May 17, 2007
    Your son needs to speak to her children and have them step up to their responsibilities. No matter how much they dislike dealing with her, they are morally bound to help her. She should at least be provided with food, lodging and utilities.

    Sometimes it is hard dealing with difficult people. Bite the bullet and do it.

  6. English Chick

    English Chick English Mum

    Jun 27, 2008
    Cheshire UK
    No Cjean, you where absolutely correct in calling the church, and well done you!

    There are times in everyones lives when they need some help, be it from family, friends, the church and even strangers. The lady in question although elderly needs to understand that pride comes before a fall. She obviously needs help particularly as her utilities are being closed down by suppliers. She cannot be without warmth and water. You and your husband did the right thing. It would be an even greater strain on your budget to continue to pay her money for her bills.

    Perhaps rather than try to explain it in person you could write her a letter, telling her you are all concerned about her welfare, and that you did what you considered the best thing in her time of need. Particularly as you are not able to pay her bills and your own. Explain that the Church will not "look down on her" but would praise the tenacity of a caring relative and fellow Christian in trying to do something about it. it sounds to me that she is also a lonely woman, who is bitter about the world and her circumstances.

    The elderly are very proud but tell her that she should be aware that your family loves her and cares for her wellbeing.

    Good luck and keep the forum up to date on her progress.

    Good Bless You xx
  7. andorraclaim

    andorraclaim Chillin' With My Peeps

    Nov 28, 2008
    East Austin, Texas
    Any action that comes from sincerity is rarely wrong. I think you are just dealing with an old, proud woman who lives in some delusion of grandeur. In the end you hardly get any peace from helping someone like this, but you did do the right thing.
  8. Verboten

    Verboten Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 25, 2008
    Southern Oregon
    I do not believe that you were wrong at all. She asked for help and you provided for it.

    Very few from the church will know about the bill - and they want their money going to those in need anyway, that is why they gave.

    You did not have the money and you did what you could. IMO she should have asked her children for the money (despite how they may feel toward her), maybe they will be more ashamed than her.

    This is a very sad situation and you did your best.
  9. miss_jayne

    miss_jayne Lady_Jayne

    Jun 26, 2008
    Columbiaville, MI
    you did the right thing in heart no matter what. if she is upset that is HER issue and not yours.

    God knows the intentions and motives of our hearts. we all grow at different rates, and she is acting in a 'i got caught' or 'i am embarrassed' manner. she needs to deal with the real, but she may never do that.

    btw the Bible says praying for your enemies is as heaping hot coals on their heads. keep speaking BLESSING over her, no matter what.

    also, the Bible is VERY specific about the church and people caring for widows, including age etc. go to I Timothy, chapter 5. you are on the right track.

    hugs and keep your chin up. i'll be praying for you and for your Grandma-in-Law. [​IMG]
  10. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

    Dec 25, 2007
    Chaparral, New Mexico
    Considering there is her church that is willing to help, she could get state assistance too..... Electric companies and gas companies all have plans to help out and if you live in an area with extreme temperatures it is against the law in the first place to turn off the only source of heat in the home of an elderly person. You might want to check on that and make sure the heat is on. All states have some provisional laws that cover the elderly, to keep them from dying from heat stroke in the summer, freezing in the winter, and to make sure they have running water due to hygiene and health concerns.
    Do what you have to do and don't worry about how she feels, because no matter what you do it won't be what she wants or needs and you will be the bad guy. If her children are useless enough not to step up, they can be charged with Elder Abuse in not ensuring she is in a safe environment. You might want to mention that to them. Call Social Services and get the woman taken care of and then distance yourself.

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