Umm, I'm a guy, but at 78 low testosterone has tempered me somewhat - I still have the memories though.
You spoke about pouring out the alcohol and becoming emotional. About 90 days into sobriety I woke up crying - WTF - I come from a family that doesn't cry. Called a friend who was helping me on my journey, and he said, "Stop and think. You just lost your best friend who you thought you could always count on, but it was all a lie." You poured one of yours down the sink. Once again I applaud you.
Trust me in that it does get better. Yesterday outside the Amish market there was a group collecting donations for teen addiction. I stopped and talked to one of the kids when I made my donation. I shared my story, and he said, "Thanks you have no idea how much I needed that. I have only been clean for 49 days." Hope he makes it.