Well hell

[crazy goose lover]

If your children have a dad in the house and he has a paw paw, naturally he would ask the question where is my dad. My sister had two of her adult children move back home at the same time. Her son with his two boys and her daughter with her son. Her daughters son was the youngest and never knew his father. He started calling his uncle dad because that is what the other kids called him. She married soon afterward and her son got the dad he always wanted and no longer calls his uncle dad. Yur little guy is only three, so keep the answers short and simple, like, He can't be here right now that is why you get to stay with us and we are so glad we get to share you.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
Love that bit!

 

[mommyofthree]

That's a tough one with him being so young. I agree to keep it simple, and that mentioning jail might be a bad idea. My dad took off when I was 11 or so and I haven't seen him since. He called me once a couple of years ago, but I knew he hadn't changed and he's still a drug addict so I cut him off then and there and will have no further contact with him. It may sound harsh, but anyone who knows the full story knows that that was the right thing to do.

Anyway when my oldest was 4, one day out of the blue she asked me who and where my dad was. I just told her that he moved far away when I was younger so I don't see him anymore. She seemed fine with that answer, it didn't bother her a bit and we left it at that. Maybe it didn't really affect her because we weren't talking about *her* dad. Good luck, and whatever you say to him keep it simple at his age.

I hope I'm not prying, but when does his dad get out of jail? And will he be allowed contact with his son when he gets out?

 

[Cindiloohoo]

Deb I think I would just ask him why he wants to know about his dad, to kind of get a feel for what is going on in the little guys mind without being too in depth, then answer according to his response. If he is wanting his dad to come get hm, tell him he is away right now and can't, or if Robert is wanting to know why a friend has a dad and he doesn't tell him not all little boys grow up with their daddy's and he is one who gets to grow up with a Pawpaw instead of a daddy for now. It is difficult. DD went through wanting to know where her mother was, and I just asked her why she was concerned, and explained that sometimes "big people" do not stay around, even when they love you, sometimes they have to go live somewhere else, and that is what her mother had decided was what she wanted, and that that did not make DD any less of a sweet loveable little girl. It is SO hard to tell the truth selectively!! Good luck with him, and all his questions, this is just the beginning of hard answers you are going to have to come up with hun!

 

[debilorrah]

He hasn't said another thing. Go figure. Its been so long since I had a small one I think I am over thinking things.

 

[Beekissed]

My boys used to ask things about their dad when they were little. Things like, "Was he a bad man? Is that why you aren't married to him anymore?" I would answer, "He wasn't a bad man but he did do bad things."

They asked, "Why doesn't he love me and want to be with me?" I would answer, "Some people don't know how to love other people and I tried to teach him but he couldn't learn it."

This seemed to satisfy their questions. I don't know what I would tell them if their dad was in jail and they asked at that young of an age. That's a toughie.

 

[Knock Kneed Hen]

Quote:
I agree with this response. At 3 I think he's just throwing it out there, not really looking for a deep response. As they get older their questions become more specific and your responses can adjust. Reminds me of the story of a child wanting to know where the puppy came from. The parents wrestled with how to explain the facts of life. Finally, bored from waiting, the child says "I saw it at grandmas but who drove it here?"

 

[Cindiloohoo]

Quote:
Deb he will ask again. Make sure you have an answer for him. DD and niece has done this many many many times. Niece still wants to know where her mom/dad is at random times. She knows about jail and that her mom has been and that cops take people there. Sunday I got pulled over going to church for expired tags, niece was with us, I never thought anything about it. She was terrified I would go to jail! She is 6...it takes years for some things to sink in. One step, one answer, one hug, one day, at a time sis! You never can be too careful about their feelings.

 

[Three Cedars Silkies]

I raised my daughter as a single mom her entire life (until I married when she was 10). Because her dad was never a part of her life, it was a difficult decision to make about how to explain where "daddy" is. I told her that, yes, she did have a father, but that he didn't live with us and that he never would. I explained that families come in all shapes and sizes and we were still a family. I never lied to her about anything I was sure to include wonderful men in her life from early on.

As God would have it

I met a wonderful man when she was 6 years old and we dated for 4 years prior to getting married. To her, he is Dad.

 

[AngieChick]

Maybe just say that there are lots of different types of people and lots of different types of families, and that's okay.

To be honest, impregnating a woman does make someone a "Dad", that's a title that must be earned. I do believe you will need to be honest about his birth father, but 3 is young yet to have the whole big discussion. It would be more appropriate to wait a few years until he's had some time to adjust and to feel safe.