What did you all do about your dissaproving DH?

[Rillion]

Wow. Big hugs for you, PBP.

Sounds like you've been through a LOT, to put it mildly! I'm so happy you found your husband. Is it possible for him to get a cell phone? Sounds like it would make a big difference.

I'm not a fan of them myself, but I have a top-up one (no payment plan) that I use very rarely when it's really important.

 

[PineBurrowPeeps]

It would have at the time. We have them now Rillion

At the time we were living in a very ghetto neighborhood in the city (complete with drug dealing neighbors and drive by shootings) and we were POOR.
I NEVER EVER felt safe for a moment when he wasn't home and had no cash for cell phones back then.
I am so much better now. I live on a farm in a great rural area with caring nice neighbors and for the first time in my life I FEEL SAFE.
It's a big deal for me.

My childhood was hell to put it mildly. My Mother should have never had children and my father also has severe OCD and Anxiety disorder and a multitude of other mental health issues.

 

[saddina]

Oh peeps,

When you decide you're ready, I can help you find an online GED program most are free. After that, have you considered taking classes online? Even community colleges now offer them, and I bet we can find you something. I just spent a few years in college getting funding and such for freshmen in the CDE dept.

Dear, you're here, you haven't given up, that means you've real strength in you, now all you have to do is build on it, you've already got the foundation.

 

[joanie_maine]

If I could find a DH, I'd gladly trade in my chickens!!!

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

I find it really interesting that you doubt yourself, Pine. On here you come across as so strong and knowledgeable. I think there is a strong women in there just waiting to pop out.

That actually is one of the reasons I so love BYC. There are so many women on here that are strong, smart and clever. I learn from y'all every day. As a collective group, BYC holds a wealth of knowledge about pretty much every topic out there.

Don't shortchange yourself, Pine. You are a strong person. Look at what you have overcome. Look at what all you do now. Goodness, woman! You just need to recognize what you are!

 

[write2caroline]

As far as the chickens are concerned - They are all mine and he wants nothing to do with it.... So I built the coop all by myself and cared for the chicks all by myself - then we had a little tragety - dog got to the chicks and suddenly he is on myside about it and encouraging me to order more just in case we lost the two remaining of 3.

They are looking great btw and 4 new ones shipping in Aug.

My Husband travels a lot and I care for all the animals. He would prefer no pets. Truth is all the animals love him - Even strange animals at the Dog park flock to him like chickens to strawberries. Pets are not his thing.

It is better to ask for forgiveness then permission.

I did it anyway. I wish sometimes that I was the kind of obediant wife that would always consult him first but Momma raised me an episcopalian and told me God gave me a brain and the good sense to use it. I just am not wired to be dependant and submissive. He married me because I was smart, independent, pretty and I made the best darn apple pie he ever ate! So if he has to share my time with the dogs, cats and birds - He should consider traveling less and I would not have to fill my time with pets so I don't have time to pine away when he is out!

Everyones marriage is different. - He helped you with the coop - be greatful and show him how much fun the birds are. Don't make him do any of the yucky duties - cleaning etc. Show him you can do it! He may come around!
Caroline
Jax FL

 

[rizq]

Saddina, I almost had to get up and walk away from the computer to avoid breaking down and crying in front of my whole family. That is part of the reason I am not overly interested in getting married. I WANT to be married. I want to have someone to love and cherish and to be loved and cherished in return, but I do not deal well with loss. After losing my Grandma (will be 2 years in August) I have an unreasonable fear of losing those I love. We were VERY close. She was like a mother to me. My mother was emotionally abusive (not severly, but bad enough) and my stepdad (who came into my life when I was 2, so he was like a "real" dad to me) was abusive in other ways. My Grandma was my safe person. I watched cancer steal every shred of her dignity as it drained the life out of the most loving, vibrant, capable women I have ever had the privelege of knowing. I am still devasted by her loss and wish that God would have seen fit to take me instead.

I live with my Dad and Mom (technically stepmom, but we don't play the "step" game and I am MUCH closer to her than my biological mom) and my Dad has a job that keeps him out most of the time and we never know when he will get home and he often has to go out in the middle of the night. I have a different relationship with my Dad because he did not raise me and my family kept me away from him. I met him Christmas 2007 and moved in with them March 2008. All of us just clicked and I really needed out of my former situation. My Grandma passed away 5 months later. I am 27 years old and due to my issues with anxiety, depression and bad insecurity, I am very dependant on my Dad right now. He is my rock. I am getting better and am starting to be excited once again about the prospect of independence and having my own place in the near future. If I can find a man that loves, cherishes and respects me like my Dad does my Mom, I would love to be married. But but I am too afraid of the loss, either because he passes away or falls out of love with me and leaves.

I do NOT handle loss well.



Quote:
I understand that so well it is not even funny, only with me, my Dad is my rock. If I had not been able to move in with them, I really do not think I would have survived my Grandma's death. If it was not for my Grandma, I KNOW I would not have survived my childhood. Knowing how deeply it would hurt those I love is the only thing that has kept me from deciding it is not worth it.

ETA: Sorry that was so long and so very off topic

 

[PineBurrowPeeps]

Quote:
I understand that so well it is not even funny, only with me, my Dad is my rock. If I had not been able to move in with them, I really do not think I would have survived my Grandma's death. If it was not for my Grandma, I KNOW I would not have survived my childhood. Knowing how deeply it would hurt those I love is the only thing that has kept me from deciding it is not worth it.

ETA: Sorry that was so long and so very off topic

Oh Beck ((((HUGS))))

 

[Msbear]

It is so nice to have so many supportive women on here in which to share things with. All of us have skeletons... it's how we deal with them and grow is what counts.

Like PineBurrows who found comfort in her man on a back road. That just makes sense... when life is hectic and things are making you crazy, you need to find solace.

I live on a main road in a tiny house that has been in a constant state of remodel

Last Summer I said I wanted chickens.. that I remembered them pecking at the ground when I was young and how relaxing it was. Hubby, of course, was very doubtful but knew it would bring me happiness. This year I decided to till up our entire front yard and put in a garden. I was sick of the manicured front lawn and just wanted to play in the dirt. Three coops, two compost piles and 40 heirloom tomato plants later, Im feeling closer to that dream farm

Oh, and I don't clean my coops or lock up the birds at night.. cause Im the scaredy cat that won't go out there at night and it takes me much longer to clean the coops. Hubby does it cause it makes him happy to make me happy... that's why I wash his drawers and make him dinner

It's called teamwork!!

Risq, Im so sorry life has been tough but Im glad your father can be the strong male role model you've always needed. My husband was/is mine. It may take some time to get to where you want to be. I always tell people, I didn't grow up til I had my son. Now, there is a whole new world of things to worry about... but, I would never change it. Every moment with my family is precious.

 

[saddina]

Oh Sugar, I wouldn't want to have anyone cry. I do get a bit concerned when I hear someone say that thier husband will always take care of them, yes it does happen as planned sometimes, but life often doesn't care about the plans someone has, you know? It's not healthy to make one person responable for your entire happiness, no one gets to stay here forever, no matter how much we love them.

My current husband handles the bills, but they are on his desk, and I have the passwords to check each account if I need to. I hand;e the laundry, I don't mind it, but he is capable of tossing a load in if i'm busy. For us marriage is because I want to be with you, not because i need you, the difference may sound like, but it's not.