What did you all do about your dissaproving DH?

[Ladyhawke1]

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He told her she couldn't have another chicken... we don't know any of the history.. maybe they don't have the room or the time to take care of a chick and he was just being rational.. we don't know.

Im just trying to say that Im sure she didn't expect so much resentment toward her and her "lifestyle"... WHICH WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. This forum is about differing opinions and we should be free to express our opinions. That is what makes this forum so great but hijacking threads to make a personal point that may not be of interest to the OP is rude... not against the rules, I guess... just rude.

I see no resentment of the OP and her life style. People are just commenting on their own feelings about the issue.

 

[hikerchick]

Some people said, if it were me, I would put on a nightie.

Some people said, if it were me, I would do as he says.

I said, if it were me, I would not live that way.

Why am I the one in the wrong here?

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

You merely stated your opinion, Hikerchick. It was different from what many wanted to hear. It was different from what many want to live. That's okay. The joy of our country is that every man and woman is allowed to live as they like.

While I disagree with some attitudes on here, it does not make me hate or scorn the posters. It makes me aware of different viewpoints and opens my eyes to how others choose to live. Not bad. Not good. Just different. Like you, I feel a new respect for some members of BYC. Again, just because I don't choose to live a certain way does not make it wrong. It makes it different. Different is what makes this site so much fun!

 

[HennysMom]

Man... after reading all of these posts... I'm so glad I have the hubby I have

and we have the relationship we do.

Ya'll scared me with some of your responses....

to the OP - do what you know feels right to you and for your situation. Only you know yourself and your marriage. Sorry you felt attacked...no one should feel that way.

to all...

 

[klf73]

Quote:
Actually this is the crux of the whole matter right here. If it's your dream, then you should be the one paying for it. And that goes for everyone, male and female, involved in a relationship. You pay for your own dreams. That's part of what makes them yours. Otherwise, the person paying tends to feel entitled to make the decisions about how much/many, where, and even IF the dream gets to come to fruition. That person tends to get to be the adult in the relationship and the other person tends to get treated like the child who needs "permission" to do stuff.

JMO


Rusty

I agree 100%, I assume all adults pay their own way. I wouldnt' have it any other way; financial dependence leads to control. Everyone has to make their own money.

hmmmm, I have to disagree.....I havent' worked (well other than a part time job to get out of the house, dh told me to get a hobby and I chose work, he shook his head) in 15 years. My dh gave me a choice, kids or career, but I couldn't have both and he was fine either way, my choice. He did not want strangers raising his kids was all and I respected that. I chose kids. He also hands over all control of finances, so he doesn't have to worry about it and I don't stress about it, he can be a flake, but he chose to do this, I didn't *make* him. Neither also makes a large purchase without clearing it with the other, just a rule we have...
I do NOT bring home things without checking in with him and he does the same, especially for a pet or something that will impact that persons existence in the house, it is just common courtesy and mutual respect.
I personally would speak to my spouse to find out why he was so opposed, if he had a valid reason then I would respect that. If I didn't think the reason was valid I would argue my point and see if I could sway him. I am sure it can be worked out either way.....good luck

 

[klf73]

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the situation changes completely once kids are involved, it's a whole new level and a lot more responsiblity....

 

[hikerchick]

Quote:
the situation changes completely once kids are involved, it's a whole new level and a lot more responsiblity....

Why would you assume I don't have kids? I raised my child by myself. It is not impossible.

 

[Msbear]

You don't offend me at all, Hikerchick. Was just trying to clarify that she did not ask how to deal with a "controlling" husband. Those are your words which, throughout this thread, have painted a pretty bad picture.

Not everyone who makes comments like her is living a life of a female servant to her demanding husband.

A family dynamic is something very personal and shouldn't be scrutinized by people on a computer who have no idea of the situation. If it compels you to help, pm her and ask if she'd like someone to talk to.

Some folks have suggested let him pick a chicken for him.

others have suggested try not to let him be responsible for the birds, this will lessen his distaste for them.

still others have suggested waiting til after vaca when she can have more time and he can have less excuses.

These are the opinions she was looking for

I think I'll exit this train now as I have made my point but can't help myself but have the last word

 

[bawkbawkbawk]

I think where threads like this go wrong is when someone - wittingly or not - gives the impression that THEIR way is better. It can come across as demeaning to someone holding a different opinion - political, relational and maybe even as far as the chickens go.

 

[hikerchick]

Quote:
If the situation is so personal and should not be scrutinized then why is it being posted on the internet? She opened the door, we didn't.

I apologize if my opinion is not the one she was looking for but it was my opinion, and hence as valid as any other. I saw what I thought the problem was and suggested how I would react. Just like everyone else did. Unfortuately, my opinions clearly do not fall within the "norm" whatever that is; and so for some reason I am being singled out.