Hi there, hope you are enjoying BYC!
I would say that most beginners feel this same trepidation. I was afraid I would end up vegetarian as we faced harvesting our first cockerel. And I DID screw it up some!
But with patience AND
practice the skill and confidence of a job well done along with KNOWING exactly how the animal that gave it's life so my family could eat lived every single moment including their last.. but now, even there after.. market chickens are sprayed with disinfectant inside and out.. after floating down blood bath alley.. (in the US).
Another key factor to having honed my poultry harvesting skill is that NOW if or when one of my beloved pet hens faces an injury or something else I cannot help.. I now have the confidence to know I will NOT make them suffer more at my hand.. THIS is a huge bonus when it comes to chicken math.
Many gave good advice.. Noting for heritage breed boys, I prefer a stag pen because most are trying to mate and getting rowdy before they are ready size wise for harvesting. But I too harvest according to antics more than size and also according to MY convenience. I did have someone else doing it for me, my standards were higher regarding left over pin feathers etc... and I name most of my birds.. some even go in the freezer labeled with their name.. the meaner the roo the sweeter the stew! One boy that was very cherished suddenly passed.. he was harvested and used accordingly. Weeks later I still mourned his loss and literally cried tears... not because we ate him.. but because losing him was a loss to my entire flock and it hurt.. I'm in my 40's, harvest cockerels regularly.. it doesn't mean you're heartless. Quite the opposite it means you care enough to provide the best life you can even though an animal may become food. And trust me.. harvesting yourself, now that takes heart!
It's a worthy goal.. especially if ya wanna do your own hatching. You'll find lot's of knowledgeable folks in this community who are willing and excited to share their experiences no matter where your adventures lead,