What is your craziest/funniest chicken story?!?

Oh wait!! I got another one...

This is more of a kill the kid thing, but it involves the baby chicks too...
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I was sitting in the bedroom one night, and my 3 year old was, I thought, playing in the living room. I hear the baby chicks making the HELP!! peeps, you know the one when they are REALLY scared. I get up to go see what's up, and my boy comes out of the bedroom where the chicks are. I asked him what he did, and why the chicks were crying. He says, "Mommy, those baby chickens flied outta der bOX!" I'm like yeah right...they were about 3 days old at the time, they were out, but I'm sure they had some help 'flying'
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So, I am pretty new to chickens. I've only had them since March and I am not known for my intellectual prowess.

One of my hens, Janet, was suffering from what I later learned was a prolapsed vent. We thought that she was trying to give birth to the lips from Rocky Horror Picture Show, because that is what her butt looked like. Anyway...


I wanted to (well, saying I wanted to is a bit of a stretch, I should say I needed to) put preparation h on her. I grabbed her so that her head was in my armpit and then realized that I had not yet taken the top off the tube. See? Mental giant am I. So I am holding her and she begins to wiggle, so I sort of try to hold her more snuggly under my arm while I fumble with this tube. Naturally, the tube has a foil safety seal.
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So I am fumbling with this incredibly strong membrane, while poor Janet is squirming like crazy. I get that straight and decide that I should not apply this stuff if there is a chance that she is going to deliver an egg. I put the H down and give Janet's abdomen a gentle squeeze to see if I can feel an egg in there.

Never do this to a chicken who is being held in your armit while you are wearing a white shirt. Janet had no egg, but she did have a hefty load of poop.

Lessons learned:

1. If you squeeze a chicken hard enough, you will get crapped on.
(1.5 A chicken squeezed will projectile poop.)
2. Never squeeze a chicken while wearing a white shirt.
3. Luck favors the prepared.
 
My craziest chicken story is pretty recent and many of you have probably already read about it in my earlier thread, but for those of you who might have missed it...

My DH and I were leaving Wal Mart and had just turned the corner to drive down one of the parking lot lanes when a rather large bird came strutting out in front of us. It took a second for us both to register that it was in fact a CHICKEN! It then occurred to us that she looked pretty bad off (lots of missing feathers) and she was limping a bit...not to mention she wasn't exactly in a safe location.

So began Operation Wal Mart Chicken Rescue.

Even with the limp she was remarkably agile and we chased her all around and between cars for quite a bit (much to the amusement of the other customers) before she finally ran under a parked SUV and crammed herself up in the undercarriage.

Seizing the opportunity, I got down on my tummy and shimmied underneath so I could reach up and catch her by the feet to pull her out.

She has since been given her own temporary luxury chicken apartment to stay in during her quarantine period and has been laying a nice egg every other day to show her appreciation for her rescue.
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We use our laundry/mud room as a broody hen area. This room is off our kitchen. One wall is a large patio door with sliding screens which gives access to the back farm yard.

We had our Jersey Black Giant in there this year to raise a clutch of chicks. Before the chicks arrived, she would scratch at the slider screen to go outside to do her broody poo.

One morning I forgot to leave the screen open so she could go out. But I left the door into the kitchen open, she walked in (bawking all the way) to complain she had to go out.

We have an old house (1880) and sometimes the door from the laundry/mud room into the kitchen doesn't close all the way. If it is open even a bit, our JBG would walk in and start pecking at the refrigerator door! I think she on to the fact we keep the yogurt in there!
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edited to add:

At our place, if you prop open the laundry/mud room door to bring groceries in, most of the flock runs in and sits on the hall tree bench there to wait for any goodies we may have purchased.
 
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A few weeks ago on a lazy sunday afternoon my old man and myself were spending the day by the coops. I found myself a nice spot in the grass in the sun. For the next little while I spent cleaning a babies butt, something I never thought I would be doing. Anyway my oldman went to look for a mouse to feed a hungry snake. This is usually pretty easy to do. Lots of dog houses and nest boxes to turn over. Well my old man returned to where I was sitting defeated. No mouse, he would be forced to make the hour and a half trip to buy a mouse. About that time there came an awful rucus from my bo coop. I'm like "what the .....
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My hen had a mouse. My oldman goes in and tries to take the mouse away from the hen and they are running around and around the nest box. While this is going on the other hen is trying to get the mouse. Well the hen drops the mouse and the mouse is running trying to get away, then my old man catches the mouse. Then the hens are chaseing him trying to get the mouse and he drops the mouse and the hen picks it back up and the chase starts all over again. I couldn't quit laughing and was even routeing for the mouse at one point. End of the story the mouse didnt make it. It want be stealing any more of my expensive chicken feed. lol PEACE
 
Every night we bring our babies in the house in a box so we can socialize them. We bring our hen Ellie in too so she won't be lonley outside. The other night as Ellie was sitting peacefully on the edge of the box, our giant Golden Retriever Bailey walked by her and smacked her with his tail. The poor thing went flying across the room!
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She started screaming and running around in a panic. Poor Ellie, needless to say, she stays far away from the dogs now
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We let our two Jersey Giants (one hen, one roo) and our Rhode Island Red hen out of the coop on the weekends. Generally, they ignore our chocolate lab and he ignores them. They definitely aren't scared of each other. Last weekend they were out and hanging around the FL room (glass and screened-in porch). The dog was in the house and I got him all excited to go outside. He was so wound up that he didn't see the chickens and went tearing out of the FL room. The roo saw him. As our dog rounded the corner the roo flew at him and smacked himself right into our dogs ribcage. The dog jumped into the air, the roo kept going thru the air and under the dog. It was like in a movie when the motorcycle lands on its side and slides under the big truck. We all collapsed in laughter. The dog and roo make a huge effort to not even look at each other now!
 
My funny chicken story is I wanted 3 buff orpingtons and a little chicken coop. My husband wanted nothing to do with chickens and did all he could to quietly prevent their happening.
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Long story short I only have only 2 buff orpingtons, but the coop is 5 times the size I intended and my HUSBAND has 3 wyandottes, a cochin roo, 2 dutch bantams, 5 ducks and has 24 japanese bantams on order for next spring.
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ROFL
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!!!
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When we got our first two chickens when I was around eight years old it was snowing outside no coop just a dog kennel for the two hens. My dad while I was at school felt sorry for them and brought them into the garage and left for work. When I returned from school I came in the garage to find the chickens sitting on my dad's big gas powered expensive model airplane...I went to go take the chickens off the airplane and found a perfectly round huge gapping hole in the wing of the airplane. Oh great Im thinking my dad's gona have these chickens by their necks. I guess they like the taste of wood better than the whole bowl of feed sitting out for them.
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