What to do? Hubby doesn't want all 5!

[kmwright]

It's okay. It's hard to get a good read on someone, especially on the internet and involving one incident. My husband is very practical, he knows we live in a residential area and we only have so much room. We both work full time, have 2 dogs and a child. I, on the other hand, also know these things but wanted chickens anyway. I did my research, it's not like I'm raising a bunch of cattle in our yard, and our family LOVES eggs (and we go through them like crazy). We have a nice large yard with a back area already perfectly sectioned off for the chickens. Why not? I'm very spontaneous, I know what I want and when I want it and he kind of knows that even if he says "let's wait" eventually I'll do what I want. They aren't harming anyone, they aren't disruptive, it's just that HE doesn't like having so many. He thought three was too many, then came two more. I apologized for picking them up without even telling him, but informed him that I am paying for them, taking care of them, and they bring me and our daughter much joy. I am keeping them. He was still a bit annoyed, but got over it. The shouting incident was in the heat of the moment and the garage door was closing but my daughter hears EVERYTHING and she picked that right up. I hate the word shut up as well, it's very disrespectful and I've taught my daughter (even with the outside influences of daycare kids, etc) not to say that.

Anyway, I don't worry about my husband. He's a very gentle person, always has been. I've spanked our daughter but he refuses to lay a hand on her so if anyone is the physical person, it would be me. He's already cooled down a bit and was even taking pictures of them last night when they escaped from their brooder. (I posted those on the main page as well.)

 

[CowboyColby]

Glad everything is working out for the best. and that he is starting to enjoy them too it will be fun for all of you.

 

[Backyard Farm]

REDHEN

 

[noodleroo]

kmwright; I'm glad ya'll get along.

Next time you want to add a couple of chicks, just tell him "what new chicks? You must have 'man looked' at 'em, honey"...

 

[MaKettle]

Kmwright--

its as if we have the same story: we both work full time, I'm a part time grad student, we have 2 dogs, 1 cat & live in the suburbs. We had room for 3 and by happenstance (and the inability of the hatchery to count) we ended up with 5. It DOES make a difference when you're in the situation that we are in. Space, noise, etc are all real issues that we deal with when you have urban chickens.

I think that some people forget that not everyone's backyard here on Backyard Chickens is a farm. I live on less than 1 acre. I think your husband has real concerns--as does mine. I know that, as much as I want a dozen more or try to practice the "chicken math" that everyone talks about, it just cannot happen in my situation. That's part of being a responsible pet owner.

There's a lot of great advice on this forum, I've been so thankful for it..but there's also a lot of free flowing opinions--I've seen a fair share of posts that could be read as judgemental. It sounds like things are working out for you.

Good luck! The chickens do really make it all worth it.

 

[scbatz33]

I tried to not say anything, but I have read all the posts and it seems to me that this would not be the place to go for marital advice. I am also surprised that just because your husband raised his voice we are now insinuating he's a monster child/wife abuser and a puppy kicker. Really people, really?

First of all we DON'T all live out in the country. WE DON'T all have the same space and resources. I live on 213 acres. I have no neighbors close enough to be bothered by my chickens. I don't live in a subdivision. If I did, I'd be worried about space, and smell and noise. These are all REASONABLE concerns. Further, chickens, unlike a record collection take TIME AND LONG TERM COMMITMENT. To compare the two hobbies strictly on up front cost is ludicrous. Further, the OP knows her husband's background - how he was raised. Therefore she knows he has certain expectations for his life with her - AS SHE DOES WITH HIM.

Marriage is about compromise. Saying "screw him and do what you want" is short sighted and as wrong as those of you screaming "don't let him control you". If they agreed on 3 chicks adn the OP went out and bought more without consulting - not asking, discussing - with her husband, he has the right to be upset. Further, 5 chicks in a garage attached to you house(especially the way houses are constructed today) is loud. One chick can be annoyingly loud. Just because the OP and we chicken folks like the sound DOES NOT MEAN everyone else does.

If I'm already irritated about something, very little thing irritates me more. It doesn't make me a monster, a child abuser or a puppy kicker. It makes me human. It means I have feelings. And if I were the husband, it would mean I feel disrespected. It's my home too and we discussed 3 not 5.

Just cause we love chickens doesn't mean our loved ones do. They may tolerate it, because they love us, but if we"agree" to something, and then we unilaterally makes a change to that agreement, it's upsetting. It doesn't make that the other person is bad. And it doesn't mean they are "controlling" anything. It means that we hurt their feelings, we broke their trust and we disrespected them.

See, that's a two way street. Marriage is about compromise and understanding and team work. And quite honestly, the OP in her zeal and excitement to add to her lovely little flock, is the one in the wrong. She says they agreed on 3. She broke the agreement. So yes, the apology is hers to make.

My husband tolerates my hobby. As I his. Neither really understands the other. But we know it makes the other one happy. However, neither of us make a purchase over a certain amount without consulting the other. Neither of us makes a long term commitment for the other without first discussing it. We talk and compromise and yes, we fight, we yell and we say things we shouldn't. That folks is life and being human. In the end, we are both heading to the same end goal so it irons out.

I think we all need to remember that we are birds of a feather on this board - we all are here because we love our chickens. But to condemn a person, to besmirch a person who has no voice in defense is as disrespectful and wrong as you are all claiming the OP's husband is........let's remember that each story has two sides.

Lastly, remember love, true love, is giving someone what they need the most when they deserve it the least. That is how you make a marriage last.

 

[nanawendy]

 

[Tigerstripes]

glad that everything worked out for you

Maybe next time you want to add to the flock, you could call him from the store/farm/etc. and have a quick discussion about it, which could help keep a problem like this from happening in the future. Have fun with your new flock!!!!

 

[sharol]

Yes -- What scbatz33 said. I've been wrestling with putting in my 2 cents, and now it has been said.

Quote:

 

[NYRIR]

scbatz33-

Just my 2 cents... Interesting reading though...