What to say to MIL?

[Jennyhaschicks]

Short story.
Dh does not get along so well with his mom. She called today and while I don't know all the details they are losing there house. I guess they couldn't pay for it. We had no idea this was happening.
Now they are getting an apartment close to us so I am sure we will be seeing them soon.
Is there something I should say to her? I feel really bad about this, but I don't know how to react. We get along fine, but aren't close.
Any advice? Do I send her a card or something? No idea here.

 

[portlandpeeps]

maybe send them a gift certificate for a dinner out if you can afford it. That would be a nice gesture, and it sounds like something they could appreciate right now. That's sad to hear they're losing their house! I think a card would also help show you care.

 

[Teach97]

Don't know as you need to say anything...especially if you aren't close...I might give a hang in there it will get better kind of thing...I am not of much help but

 

[sred98]

Well, it's none of my business, but since you asked...

I would not offer any money, in any form (gift certs. etc) PERIOD. Unless you are in a position to do so. If you start that, even a little bit, they might start expecting it, or even ask for a loan. Most people can't afford that in this economy.

I'm not trying to be cruel, but if you aren't close to them, don't start giving them money. It will only cause trouble between you and DH. If you want to make them dinner for their first night at their new apartment, that would be fine, but I wouldn't "buy" them anything. Maybe take a dozen eggs along, too?

Shelly

 

[warren]

You could ask if there is anything you could do to help. Most people will say 'no, but thanks for asking', or find some little thing that needs doing.

 

[Krysstyllanthrox]

Ask your hubby what he is comfortable with. Since he does not have a good relationship with her he may not be interested in doing anything for them.

I also second the poster that mentioned if you do it once they could come to expect it of you.

 

[HennysMom]

I'd just offer your condolences and leave it at that - and if down the line, the relationship gets better, perhaps dinner or something along those lines.

It's very hard when someone loses their home....even if you arent very close to them - a simple gesture goes a long way.

Good luck to you both

 

[JennsPeeps]

I agree w/ the other posts that no gifts/charity are needed. I would, however, ask your hubbie if he'd like to invite them over for dinner. Along htem their dignity: don't bring it up unless they do, then keep the discussion brief.

 

[redhen]

i would leave it to hubby...they are his parents..

 

[miss_jayne]

i'm with other replies. offer a sentiment, 'I am so sorry to hear of this' and leave it at that. put the ball in your DH's court. let him lead the path.

don't offer anything for two reasons:
a. it sets a precedent for you being able to 'help them out'
b. it may make them feel uncomfortable even if they don't verbalize it.

if you are not 'close' but in 'close proximity' remember your phone an doorbell are conveniences to YOU, not the person calling or ringing the bell. sit down and discuss how you and your DH want to share your time with his parents now, before the move so you are both on the same boat.