What Would You Do?


Dec 6, 2016
Pinckney, mi
I'd love to know how you would handle this situation. I'm torn between not saying anything and letting my aunt know she is out of line.
Here's the story.
My sister, who is pretty darn smart also has a mental illness, but we aren't sure what. I suspect autism. We are in the +/- 60 years age bracket. There is some history with her I won't get into detail but she was pursuing her doctorate when her illness caused her to drop out. She ended up moving to DC, where she most recently worked in a grocery store stocking shelves part time. She was living with a friend who asked her to move out in June. She wasn't going to be able to afford housing with her low income so she moved in with me. I live in the country. She does not drive, and so can't get a job. Until it is safe (covid) for her to live on her own I am giving her $250/month for food and taking her to get groceries. I am comfortable enough financially so giving her this money means I put less into my retirement savings. I am fine otherwise although I am concerned I won't make it to 67 before I'm forced to retire, and I don't have enough saved to retire. We have equal amounts in inheritance, so as long as she can find a part time job once she moves out she should be okay living a simple life.
This week was her birthday. My aunt said she was going to drive out and take her out for the day and treat her to a meal. She backed out (she has backed out on things she has promised to do with her several times). She sent me an email that said " I know she had expressed the desire for vegetarian for her birthday meal. Hope you can fill her wish. " Would you be offended if you were sent this? Because I am of course stingy or clueless or whatever is going through her head. Her birthday was in November and I had dinner delivered to her, and it was her choice where from and how much it cost, she chose Outback Steakhouse.
For me I have 2 choices. Ignore the email or let her know [ you fill in the blank of what you would say].
Before I read the email I had planned to stop and pick up dinner for her today. What I do for my sister has nothing to do with my question. I am about 60 and I would think adult enough to make this call without her prodding.
For my birthday my sister said happy birthday and that was it, and my aunt did the same. I wasn't expecting anything from anyone but its not like folks are showering me with anything, and in comparison I am Scrooge.
My aunt has said numerous things that I have felt were hurtful. An example was during a weekend together at a hotel on an island, after dinner as we were strolling around I (innocently) commented on all the couples holding hands. I usually don't see this. She replied something to the effect, her conclusion, was I wasn't romantic blah blah blah (that is what it boiled down to but there was a lot more said). I was with my ex-husband for close to 30 years and all except the last few years were happy. Not sure what she was basing her comments off of but I would never say something like this to her. Or anyone. If she was a friend I would honestly avoid her.
So what would you say in a reply to her email? Or would you ignore her?
I would talk to her. I don't know what I'd say, but I also haven't really had anything like that happen to me.
However, with how much you have done for both of them, I would talk to her. It won't get better if you don't, and I have had times that I wish I could replay and tell someone that what they where doing was wrong.
I hope this helps!

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