What's UR Fav Poem, Saying, Quote, Riddle, Joke, Limerick, Song, ETC

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Ok I will PM it to you

"Emergency"

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?
 
Quote:
I got Choked on this one!!!!!
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My high school yearbook quotation_
"Keep your face always toward the sunshine and the shadows will fall behind you." Irish proverb
Corny but true!
And my signature line
 
"Penguins"

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat.

A police officer stopped him and said "Sir you can't drive around with penguins in the back of your car, you should take them to the zoo!".

The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back of his car.

The police officer can't believe it and pulls him over again. "Hey! I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo."

The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."
 
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The
chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the
need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on
the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to
cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to
ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country
gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really
isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he
must first deal with the problem on
'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on
the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize
how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT'
problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why
he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken
learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm
going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the
road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want
to know if the chicken is on our
side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for
us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite
image of the chicken crossing the
road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet
been allowed to have access to the
other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against
it! It was the wrong road to cross,
and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now,
and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in
his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but
why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?'
That's why they call it the
'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat
that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens
until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white
washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That
chicken should not be
crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first
time, the heart war ming story of how it experienced a serious case
of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing
the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in
peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your
important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer
is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more
stable and will never cra...#@&&;^ (C% ....... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath
the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition
of chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white?
We need some black chickens.
 
"He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by the treatment of his animals" Emmanuel Kant

"My life closed twice before its close;
It yet remains to see
If Immortality unveil
A third event to me,
So huge, so hopeless to conceive,
As these that twice befell.
Parting is all we know of heaven,
And all we need of hell." Emily Dickenson
 
"Leadership Philosophy"

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate." Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am." "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves.

He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem. "Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb s***, it's Tony Blair!
 

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