When the shoe is on the other foot?

[purr]

in this day and age happiness is attainable for women who don't want children. It wasn't always so .
Everyone should do what's best for themselves, my idea of bliss is probably not anywhere near anyone else's
We are just stating our own experiences, the decision belongs to each individual.
And whatever that decision is , it is the right one for that person , I don't judge.

 

[TundraChick]

I was never a kid person either. I still only really like my kids. I don't like to have have other kids over, but I do it! I don't know its something completely different with your own.

That said I have just started reading again. My kids are 4,9,10. So there are alot of changes that will happen, not all bad...not all great either.

 

[freshegg]

kids are non negotable if one partner wants one and the other doesnt then you should have never got married it will end in divorce unless hes willing to be unhappy for ever. My BIL married someone that said she wanted them but really never did and put it off till he was 35 and ready to leave her. she hated kids but has just had 2nd baby and loves them now. we never thought shed tolerate kids but shes so happy she did. good luck. Ps Im in the nursing home field and never met one old person that didnt regret not having kids(men and woman). they are all you have in the end. I have 3 and I go hunting when I want no questions asked.

 

[swampducks]

Quote:
Then again, I've been to plenty of nursing homes where residents who have children never see them. It depends on the kids and you can't guarantee you'll get good ones no matter how you raise 'em. One should never have kids figuring they'll be there for you in your old age.

Of course, if you're a crusty, ill tempered old codger then don't be surprised if you don't get visited either.

 

[freshegg]

this is true but the loneliest are the ones that chose not to have them for career,piece ect. they are alot of stress too (kids). It is sad when kids dont visit parents I wish I had parents to visit.

 

[swampducks]

Quote:
You mean those who would have had them if not for their career, etc. I chose not to have them not for any career, just didn't really want any. There are a lot of people who just don't "get" the desire to have children thing. I know there are also too many people who have them because they're "supposed to" and treat the kids like throw away items. That really gets my goat.

I like being the eccentric aunt to my 13, or is it 14? nieces and nephews.

 

[patandchickens]

Incidentally, I think it is great to hear from so many others who (like me) don't really like other kids, just their own. I have felt like a total freak for several years now about it. It's good to know I've got company

Pat

 

[Crunchie]

Quote:
Oh, you definitely have company.

I'm in the same camp.

I haven't read all of the thread, but I think it's perfecty OK to not want kids (I didn't for a long time; had my first, possibly only, at 30). I think, though, that it's time for a real heart-to-heart with your significant other...but I don't agree that it's "non-negotiable" or that you "shouldn't have gotten married at all". I don't think that's fair. Sometimes people's opinions change on these things, one way or the other, and that's OK. If it's meant to work out, it will.

Good luck!

 

[Dixiedoodle]

I have always beleived "People who don't have children --can't imagine their lives WITH them and People who have children--can't imagine their lives WITHOUT them"...

If you are truly against children, you and your dh should have a talk NOW--if you haven't already.

I have a sister that felt like you and resented having her two kids--(at 34 and 37)-She should have stuck to her 'guns' about NOT having them... She was never close to them, said mean things to and about them. To this day (30yrs later) she will tell you that she didn't want kids and should have never had them!

I have a friend who NEVER wanted children-- until she was 45 and has the best relationship with her son!

 

[PotterWatch]

Quote:
I think plenty of people are (my sister for one). My comment about thinking my life would be empty without my kids was made purely because now when my kids aren't around, everything seems too quiet and sometimes a bit boring. I'm sure if I never had kids it wouldn't feel that way. I think people can be equally happy as long as they are at peace with their decision.