Why can't my husband hear me?

[mom'sfolly]

I, a woman, do the same thing. It isn't that I'm not listening, its really true that when focused, I don't hear. It ususally takes my name being called several times to get the attention shifted. Here are my suggestions.

First you said you both trade places between the tv and the computer in the evenings. Make some time when you are doing an activity together; make cookies, play a game, fold laundry, go for a walk, or anything else that involves both of you. Conversation will follow, it doesn't even have to be meaningful conversation, its about connection. Summer evenings we often walk as a family; because we have to interact. Tell your husband why you are scheduling these things, let him know how frustrating it is to never be heard.

This time for connection will make the not hearing less frustrating because you have been talking. Second, acknowledge that he is different. He also needs to realize that everything he does is not more important than even casual conversation. Life is full of interuptions, even work life, and he doesn't get to think he deserves not to be interrupted for things he considers trivial. You also need to realize that his not hearing is not about you, and change your behavior too. Call his name, if he doesn't respond, do the shoulder tap. If he gets huffy, let him know that he has been ignoring or not hearing you and that isn't acceptable either.

I too have husband that responds slowly in even a minor emergency, and it can be frustrating. Dammit, there is milk all over the table, get towel...I shouldn't have to say it, ARGHHH!!! But I also know that the longer term, keeping cool and not panicking is his thing. If we were in car accident in a remote area, I would get every out of the car quickly; he would get us to safety. Different skills, different roles. He is unflappable.

I don't agree with the people who said his behavior is simply rude. I would never ignore husband or children on purpose; I just don't hear them.

 

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

Quote:
Been married going on 8 years here and I have evenings and weekends like this as well. I get his attention by taking my shirt off.

My biggest thing with my dh is that it takes him FOREVER to get moving and out of the house if it is to do something HE isnt that up on doing. ie the poultry show, shopping for any kid but our own, weddings(our own included in that

) But something HE WANTS to do? A trip to HD. A trip to my moms so he and I can see a movie he has been looking forward to? Yeah. He is up and ready faster than I can blink. Other times it is usually me sitting on the truck waiting with our daughter. Who will be in the back seat yelling "Daddy come on will ya!"

 

[horsejody]

When I first read this post I thought OMG. DH has another wife somewhere! They are all like that. Mine swears he listens (and I don't talk alot either) so I have a bit of fun with it. When he isn't listening is when I say things like, "I'll be ordering a new batch of eggs tomorrow for the incubator." I also start talking nonsense to him until he wakes up. It kind of embarasses him when he wakes up and realizes that I am saying things like, "and then the spaceship landed in the backyard and the little green men took us all away to the magical land of Narnia," while he was just nodding and grunting in response.

 

[Xtina]

Ha! That last one was funny. I can't respond to every post this morning cause I have to run to work, but thanks to everyone for talking about it. Each piece makes me feel a little better and more hopeful

 

[Indiana hens]

I sometimes have the same problem as your husband. My Gf noticed that every time that she is naked I listen! This may help! Try it and let us know!

 

[Xtina]

Trust me, I've tried the shirt off thing before. I could stand there, shivering in the cold for ten minutes and he would never turn his head. And all to answer a simple question that I didn't care that much about to begin with! haha
Don't get me wrong, he loves the nudity like any guy, but he is one track!

 

[pinkchick]

My DH has a hard time multitasking.............
multitasking to him is more than one topic at a time. He has told me that his brain just doesn't work the same as mine in that respect.
I have learned that if he doesn't respond right away it was either because I didn't have his attention or he is very into his task at hand. I am patient and ask again.
If I know I am in a situation where time is of the essence I am not so patient.

Sometimes I think I am a broken record:

"Honey?"

"Honey?"

"HONEY!!!"

LOL he responds " I heard you the first time"

 

[Indiana hens]

Ok, he needs to get his priorities straight!

 

[al6517]

OK ladies here is the real deal, don't freak out just try to pay attention!!!. I am a man who has been married for over 20 yrs, 20 great/fantastic yrs. First off we men loath the idea of our spouses trying to train us, we are not your pet yipper dog, we often hear women speak of training their men, this does help your case. We will be much more attentive to you if do not say we need to talk, which normally means sit down while I tell you all the things you have messed up. contrary to your beliefs We do like to have engaging thoughtful conversation, but women make this case so difficult when you can spend hours talking on the phone with your friends or female relitives and not SAY anything, we men are not wired like that. Get our attention speak clear and concise and don't ramble on with meaningless drivel, we want the baby not the labor pains, it is how we are made and do not want to be TRAINED. Now I will say that you are after many frustrating yrs are begining to win this training war, case in point. I have noticed a very disturbing trend amoung the 20 something men who have been raised by women with no a real man in sight for years, and that is they behave like women, they hold their hand to their mouths while saying Oh my god and they CRY like women at the drop of a hat, this is discusting. you say you want men to be more sensitive, well there you go!! just continue raising men the way you women want, and they will be watching LMN & Lifetime ( the manhater channels ) instead of ESPN or the news.

Now WTS lets give credit where credit is due, we want to give our women what they truly want from us in reality, a strong, kind, giving, caring, loving man, who will provide for you protect you, treat you with the upmost respect. Love, cherish and HELP raise your children in a respectfull, responsible home enviroment. There is a time and place for us to have these wonderful talks about our FEELINGS, a picnic, a long liesurly walk, sitting on the porch sipping coffee as the sun goes down, we can do that no problem. This kind of understanding does not happen overnight, it takes years of hard sometimes very hard work, that you must I say again must invest in. I was 32 yrs old when I married, it took that long to find the right person.

We are where we have always wanted to be in our lifes, Last night we prepared dinner together scurrying about the kitchen, never once bumping into each other, I must have given her several hugs and gentle pecks on the cheek and a warm smile, that meant to say hey!!! life is good and it is good because of you. The little things, not the drama ( we hate drama ).

I truly wish you can get things right, but do not do it with the attitude that it is a do as I say, not as I do. Don't try to train us in your image, just try some simple understanding. I know some of what I have said may have been abrasive, but it is none the less true. I had understood your post to include comments from men, but as is always the norm here, it just turned into a bunch of hens in a support group format reinforcing their attitudes toward their uncaring male spouses, and making you feel better that your not alone in your perseptions. That is not fair to you, and will certainly not help you with your problem. I hoped I help you some.

Happier times ahead
AL

 

[horsejody]

Quote:
She didn't ask him to talk about his feelings. She asked him when the Superbowl was. He could have at least grunted a short response or shrugged his shoulders if he didn't know.