Why do most people marry?

[booker81]

Told DH we needed to get married because I needed his health insurance Was pregnant with DD and had to quit my job due to health issues - we made it all legal the next week - will be 5 years in September. Time flies when you're having fun!

He really is my best friend, and has been for a long, long time now. Never thought we would mesh as more than friends, found out we did, and it all just fell into place. Wouldn't have it any other way. He makes life content. He's my rock.

 

[Tonopah]

We loved each other but didn't really plan to marry. Then I nearly lost the babysitter I had for my boys because her dad wouldn't let her watch the boys if I was "living in sin". So, yeah, we got married to make sure we had child care. That was 25 years ago... Mister subsequently adopted the boys. Been a good life so far.

 

[booker81]

I had been through a short, one year long bad marriage before DH and I hooked up - we were friends, and he was always a friend during the time I was with my ex husband - never made a move though. I even tried to hook him up with one of my friends.

I should step back to that - marriage for all the WRONG reasons. I grew up in a home with a father with serious health issues (hospitalized/coma/hospice etc), a mother who was an alcoholic, and a brother who turned to drugs. I ran our large horse farm from the time I was 14 until I was 18. I met my ex, and he *told* me wonderful stories - how dedicated he was, how hard he worked, family guy, etc. I wanted desperately to have a family like I didn't grow up with - stable, quiet, normal. He said the right things. Stupid me, I didn't even LOOK to see his past, and even overlooked what he did - the cheating, alcohol, gambling, "adult" computer use, and the sly beatdown of my intelligence and everything. I was a mess, and at the end, a quarter of the person I used to be. My dad (he just wouldn't die, and is still around) finally told me to call his lawyer, and I was going to have a divorce, immediately, after my ex was caught drunk driving, with another woman, in a completely different county from where he "should" be driving to and from work.

DH now was right there the whole time - he helped my ex and I move to our house (I bought), he helped trim trees, he was just a good friend. I never thought he was interested in me. After I kicked the ex out and filed for divorce, he was my sob-sister - I'd call him up and rant about how horrible things were, vent my anger, and he always listened and had good advice. I pretty much chalked him up as a guy that was just a confirmed bachelor - he had his own house, a good job, stable, neat, and just living a very sane, normal life without a woman.

It took a few months until I realized how special, steady, honest, hardworking, and faithful he was - he never made promises, never told stories, he just was. We sat down one day, and decided "We should try dating." I moved in the next week - I didn't want to be away from him more than necessary. We decided a year later, though I was gunshy on marriage, to try for a baby. We got pregnant. When my health went bad, that's when we decided to get married so I could have his insurance.

He's still the steady, honest, hardworking, faithful man I married, and I'm still his crazy, harebrained, messy, forgetful, and spastic woman. I now have the stable, close, normal family I wanted so badly growing up, plus he does the dishes and laundry I do my best to give him a good life, even if I fly on tangents (the chickens and turkeys and hatching eggs in the bator are my idea), and he give me a wonderful life of support, kindness, tenderness and well...dishes and laundry all done

 

[00 Turok]

I married for

LOVE

Any other reason is moot.

 

[luvmychicknkids]

I married for

LOVE

Any other reason is moot.

Well now, that seems a bit depressing. Love is why I spend every day with my husband, it is why we work hard together to raise our 4 gorgeous boys (2 of which I already had and he adopted), why he brings me flowers and I cook what he loves. Love is why we have been through hell and back together and forgiven each other things most couples would have never survived. Love is why I melt when I look in his eyes and I feel safe and secure when his arms are around me. Love is NOT a piece of paper. That paper says I have medical coverage. It says I get all the benefits of a "military spouse". It says that people with a much narrower view of life and love don't look down their noses at our awesome family. Marriage does not equate love. Love does not equate marriage. OUCH...(turned my ankle jumping off my soapbox)

 

[zzGypsy]

I married for

LOVE

Any other reason is moot.

I did that once, thinking love was all that mattered, and everything else was moot...
thought love was enough to get us through anything. turns out it wasn't.
turns out you also have relationship skills and a partner you can actually live with.
took me 5 major relationships to figure that out... maybe I'm a slow learner, but I finally got it right.

now I'm married to a fine man, we've got love, enough skills, and partners we can live with.

here's my score card:

marriage 1: Married for *looooove* - 3 years happy, 8 years miserable, divorce
relationship 1: 1 year happy but with a deal breaker that never got sorted out, quit when it became clear the deal breaker wasn't budging
marriage 2: Married for lust - he was beautiful and I didn't think marriage meant anything after my first divorce... 2 years happy, 10 years miserable, divorce
relationship 2: 4 years, occasionally happy, mostly frustrated because I refused to see the deal breakers, finally got smart and called it quits
marriage 3: Married for *love* AND because we really fit. 10 years happy and counting

love matters, but so do skills, and so does compatibility.
anyway, that's what 2 divorces and a loooot of $ spent with a good shrink have taught me.

 

[Desirai]

tax benefits and health insurance.

 

[Irish6425]

I married because I could not imagine life without him. He is my best friend, my rock, the person I share everything with, my comfort blanket, my biggest supporter, and the reason I am a better person today. We married young, 19 & 21, and will be married 11 years this June & I love him more now than I did the day we married.

We have been through a lot in that time, almost losing a child, my chronic illness, and now my youngest son is ill. Everything else in life could crumble... forget the cars, the house, money, outside influences, vacations... none of that matters if he is not beside me.

It makes me sad that people marry for such trivial things as money, taxes, or convenience. Marrying for those reasons would understandably put a bad taste in your mouth.

 

[00 Turok]

Well now, that seems a bit depressing. Love is why I spend every day with my husband, it is why we work hard together to raise our 4 gorgeous boys (2 of which I already had and he adopted), why he brings me flowers and I cook what he loves. Love is why we have been through hell and back together and forgiven each other things most couples would have never survived. Love is why I melt when I look in his eyes and I feel safe and secure when his arms are around me. Love is NOT a piece of paper. That paper says I have medical coverage. It says I get all the benefits of a "military spouse". It says that people with a much narrower view of life and love don't look down their noses at our awesome family. Marriage does not equate love. Love does not equate marriage.
OUCH...(turned my ankle jumping off my soapbox)

@ luvmychicknkids... your ankle got turned, because your post completely fortifies what I said

...
I married for

Love

Any other reason is moot.

Here is why I think that:

Corinthians 13:2
"& though I have the gift of prophecy, & understand all mysteries, & all knowledge, & though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not LOVE; I am nothing."

Galatians 5:14
"For all the law is fulfilled in ONE word, even in this: "You shall LOVE your neighbor as yourself."

Matt. 22:37-40
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind. This is the 1st & great commandment. & the 2nd is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these 2 commandments hang ALL the law & the prophets."


If you want it from a logic point of view: When you LOVE some1... you provide for them, support them, care for them, sacrifice for them, serve them, give to them, listen to them, & honor them.

LOVE is the philosophy I choose to live by. LOVE is what makes me a sentient being. LOVE is what defines me apart from a machine.

Ohhhmmm