Worried about my 7 year old daughter...

[FrustratedChickenmomma]

To a certain extent its an age thing I think. My daughter is that age and its a common complaint amount her little friends moms. Sometimes its dreams she has had and she is really really convinced right until she tell me the whole thing and then you can see it dawning on her face. Most of the time its an attention thing.

Thankfully mine seems to be coming out of this stage and entering the next hellish stage. All i can tell you is that spankings, corners, no tv, no computers, no toys and yelling didn't work. Not even a little. I ended up having lunch with her just the 2 of us and we talked and we talked and we talked.....She just wanted attention and with the older one in attitude mode and the younger hitting the terrible 2's she was not getting it. I now make a regular habit of spending girl time with her. She knows that if she and mommy are to be friends then we have to be able to trust each other because best girl friends do not lie to each other. I also explained that sometimes i can't be her best girlfriend I have to be her mom but I always need to be able to trust her. Does she still lie. Of course she does, she is a kid and when they are in trouble that is what they do but its not nearly as bad. It happens very seldom and usually now when she has had a big mess up and is afraid to tell me. Like I broke Oma's antique bowl. I would probably lie too if I was 7 and having to face the entire family being upset.

Now don't get me wrong I have nothing against a good fair spanking or a nice LONG sentence to corner time but sometimes they don't care what kind of attention they get, they just know they need attention and it might actually encourage more lying and misbehavior. From the story about the juice on the bed I would say she is one ticked off little 7 year old and might need to get something of her chest to you.

 

[PineBurrowPeeps]

Quote:
Anyone else see some irony here?

Not until you pointed it out. Kind of like spanking your kid for hitting his brother?!?

LOL!

 

[debilorrah]

Kids are not easy, are they? My son went through a period like that at the same age and he was grounded for almost a year straight. I always told him that lying not only hurt other people around him, but it hurt me and it ultimately will hurt him because no one wants a liar for a friend. I also used examples with him like: how would he like it if I told him I bought that remote control car he wanted for so long, and then told him I made it all up, sorry.

Eventually, he got it. But the panic and worry YOU go through while they are learning is no fun at all.

 

[wombat]

I think it's just a phase. I seem to recall a neighbor kid a few years younger than me getting like that for a couple years. She got over it. One of my daughter's friends is seven, and she tells lies all the time too. Most of them are so outrageous that it's rather easy to call her on them. My kid doesn't even fall for it, I overheard her telling her friend "that's a worse fish story than your last one" just the other day.

I think just calling her on it, and gently getting her to tell the real story instead of the lie every time you catch her at it may help.

With my daughter's friend, we pretend not to believe anything she says, even obvious truths ... we just say "nobody believes the girl to tells such fish stories all the time" and it seems to be getting her to change her ways.

 

[deb1]

Quote:
Anyone else see some irony here?

LOL

I did not catch that until you pointed it out.

I meant, of course, that you don't have to depend on books for the stories. But yeah, I worded that badly.

 

[deb1]

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I think that this is good advice.

 

[deb1]

Quote:
I used to explain to my son that lying was actually harder then telling the truth. You might get punished for your honesty, but the punishment is eventually over. WIth a lie you have to remember what you said and sometimes it leads to even more lies in order to cover your original lie. Then you are stuck worrying about if someone is going to catch you in the lie.

It just isn't worth the effort.

 

[teach1rusl]

I've read a lot of good advice/suggestions here. All could be helpful. As a teacher, I've seen this a few times in students, usually 2nd/3rd grade (most seem to outgrow it by 4th grade or so). So it could be a phase. When I heard these wild tales (I was fooled by one or two initially...lol) I would just make a comment like "Wow...you sure have a great imagination! You should write a story about that." The common threads I noticed with those kids was that they seemed really needy when it came to attention, and that the parents were always aware of the story telling habit. So on the plus side, she probably will outgrow this.
As a parent, I would definitely seek out counseling. If I was going through that, it would just make me feel better having a professional feel out the situation. I don't look at it any differently that taking my son to the doctor when his health seems out of whack. Being a good parent is the most difficult job in the world, isn't it??? But also the most rewarding!

 

[nancysmith2]

I hesitate to offer advise to anyone on child rearing but here goes. It may be (hopefully) an attention getting thing. Middle child and all. I think my first try would be to make it like you and the rest of the family are embarassed and a little disgusted with the lies. For instance after she has told a whopper, look at her long and hard with a I can not believe you just said that look. Then turn from her and go on about your business, totally ignoring her. Get the whole family to go along. Every time she does it and see what happens. Sometimes punishment back fires b/c bad attention may be better than none at all.

 

[Camelot Farms]

PBP, have you tried contacting the school. This may accomplish something...

1) Find out if the teachers/staff are getting the same thing there. If so, then this tells you that it could be deeper than just an attention getting 'stage'.

If not, then it tells you taht she can avoid lying and just chooses not to at home. Therefore making punishment a useful tool.

2) Talking to the school will hopefully get you connected with the guidance person who can connect you with a counselor of needed or may even be able to meet with her and feel out whats going on.

Just some thoughts...