Writing School

[Amer]

I actually like the beginning of this one better. It's still a bit long for the given stage, though.

Yeah. I wanted to write more about the storm, but I liked the beginning. I'm going to make a different one instead.

 

[Amer]

Gaaaaarhhhhh
I know you probably don't know what Wakanda really is but you're killin me here.
Change le name.

Also. When writing stuff like this, I see people try an go into immediate detail of the surroundings and globbing big fat flowery writing everywhere like old nail polish.
Doooon't
Doooo
That

I will admit, I was too lazy to read through all of it, and I feel like you had a cool image in your head when you started this, but you gotta get the reader to eat it.

So.
I shall... instructions. Maybe.

When drawing, you start with the general idea first. If you start with the tiny details it might end in disaster. No noo nat.
Take the age old story telling method for instance. "Once upon a time, in a blustery snowland with wretched icey coldness that could freeze off a snowman's buttcheek..." Now you can introduce character first, but the main idea for this prompt was the surroundings. You don't just want to say it was cold, either. Write the effects of the cold. Maybe a few fingers turning blue, or lack of plants or even just someone complaining "I'm cold." will do.

Research some snowy places. Art is better with references, so get yoself a reference pic and write about it. Look for some more interesting or rare words about snow that you could sprinkle into the pages. Ever heard of hoar frost? No? Neither did I, but it sounds cool.

In short, don't pay too much wording to, well, wording. Tell the reader what they need to know.

Rrr. Can't edit. I don't like it anyways. I'm going to scratch that.

 

[Rose Quartz]

Gaaaaarhhhhh
I know you probably don't know what Wakanda really is but you're killin me here.
Change le name.

Also. When writing stuff like this, I see people try an go into immediate detail of the surroundings and globbing big fat flowery writing everywhere like old nail polish.
Doooon't
Doooo
That

I will admit, I was too lazy to read through all of it, and I feel like you had a cool image in your head when you started this, but you gotta get the reader to eat it.

So.
I shall... instructions. Maybe.

When drawing, you start with the general idea first. If you start with the tiny details it might end in disaster. No noo nat.
Take the age old story telling method for instance. "Once upon a time, in a blustery snowland with wretched icey coldness that could freeze off a snowman's buttcheek..." Now you can introduce character first, but the main idea for this prompt was the surroundings. You don't just want to say it was cold, either. Write the effects of the cold. Maybe a few fingers turning blue, or lack of plants or even just someone complaining "I'm cold." will do.

Research some snowy places. Art is better with references, so get yoself a reference pic and write about it. Look for some more interesting or rare words about snow that you could sprinkle into the pages. Ever heard of hoar frost? No? Neither did I, but it sounds cool.

In short, don't pay too much wording to, well, wording. Tell the reader what they need to know.

Hmmmm. Much more constructive. I shall use this. You know how when you have this idea in your head and its spectacular and you decide you can pull it off without a ref. Pic so you just dive in and it ends up looking like you puked on the page. I might be doing that.... A lot.

 

[Fanci Feathers Marans]

Hmmmm. Much more constructive. I shall use this. You know how when you have this idea in your head and its spectacular and you decide you can pull it off without a ref. Pic so you just dive in and it ends up looking like you puked on the page. I might be doing that.... A lot.

It is more constructive? I felt like I was still being mean. Hmm. Good.

 

[Amer]

Spoiler: Weather

Snow chickens
It was one of those days where hopeful kids are disappointed by the measly two inches, and have to pile into the bus with unhappy frowns on their faces. And you have to shovel that tiny bit of snow off the driveway. And the parents might have trouble starting their cars if they got a British one, because in Britain it mostly just rains. Especially not in October. It snowed. In October.
In the forest, most were prepared for this. But for the new animals in the neighborhood, dread descended upon them like an eagle stealing a fish from a poor little osprey, or a the leaves that were still drifting peacefully to the ground, not troubled by the change around them.
"See, it gets colder every year," said an old rooster. "You were born in April, weren't you, lass," he patted the head of a black and gold pullet. "We were so worried about losing you in that storm."
Gale shivered. No one would ever forget it. "But that was different, we were in our coop then. Now we are here." Gale remembered the day she was turned out of the coop, all of them were turned out of rhe coop, and the farmer never returned.
"None of us are prepared for this," her older brother Aaron said quietly.
"We weren't prepared for that time we left our coop either," Cadbury said. "We can survive the winter." Gale admired her determination. Cadbury was the same age as her, and had never seen a winter as well. Chocolate colored feathers were puffed up as the Orpington defiantly stared at the snow.
The chickens all wondered what was in for them, but knew that they could face it. "We will not only survive, we will thrive," Cadbury said with a finality. Aaron nodded solemnly, and Gale wondered if she could have the bravery of Cadbury, who had already jumped down from the roost, beckoning. And then she realised she could, and ran after her into the fresh fallen snow.

 

[Fanci Feathers Marans]

Spoiler: Weather

Snow chickens
It was one of those days where hopeful kids are disappointed by the measly two inches, and have to pile into the bus with unhappy frowns on their faces. And you have to shovel that tiny bit of snow off the driveway. And the parents might have trouble starting their cars if they got a British one, because in Britain it mostly just rains. Especially not in October. It snowed. In October.
In the forest, most were prepared for this. But for the new animals in the neighborhood, dread descended upon them like an eagle stealing a fish from a poor little osprey, or a the leaves that were still drifting peacefully to the ground, not troubled by the change around them.
"See, it gets colder every year," said an old rooster. "You were born in April, weren't you, lass," he patted the head of a black and gold pullet. "We were so worried about losing you in that storm."
Gale shivered. No one would ever forget it. "But that was different, we were in our coop then. Now we are here." Gale remembered the day she was turned out of the coop, all of them were turned out of rhe coop, and the farmer never returned.
"None of us are prepared for this," her older brother Aaron said quietly.
"We weren't prepared for that time we left our coop either," Cadbury said. "We can survive the winter." Gale admired her determination. Cadbury was the same age as her, and had never seen a winter as well. Chocolate colored feathers were puffed up as the Orpington defiantly stared at the snow.
The chickens all wondered what was in for them, but knew that they could face it. "We will not only survive, we will thrive," Cadbury said with a finality. Aaron nodded solemnly, and Gale wondered if she could have the bravery of Cadbury, who had already jumped down from the roost, beckoning. And then she realised she could, and ran after her into the fresh fallen snow.

Okay, I did read all of this, and it is 10x better. You might need to read over it one more time, though. There's a misspelling near the middle, and I feel like the end is less polished than the beginning. The chickens could also use some 'busy work' to do while they talk, because you don't want them just sitting in the back woods clucking. Maybe have some peck n scratch going on. It don't take much.
Overall, I did like it, and I feel like you tried very hard on this. Congratulate, you have received a kudos.

 

[cathloveydovey]

Character development. So I just wanna share with you this character that has been in my head since third grade. Little Timmy. He's evolved to a creature with more feelings over the years as I became a better writer.
White Leghorn chick. Stays in chick form for years because 'since when has growing up been a requirement?'
All the other chickens aren't as clever as him, and he doesn't want to spend his time in their company.
So he spends his time getting into trouble and playing tricks on the others. Always gets out of harm's way using his brains.
Clever in his way of disarming opponents.
His mother hatched him, and realised her mistake. She abandoned him to the hens, and they all take turns "babysitting" him, though he usually finds ways to get out.

Sometimes his father has to babysit him. His mother thinks his father owes her something, and as much as Timmy's father tries to take care of him, Timmy always gets into to trouble. Timmy's father is the underdog rooster btw. Timmy feels like his father is living up to his standards, like, he feels he should have some good trait from his father. He tells Foxy "he's a pitiful feathered stick," though Foxy wants to show how much his father should mean to him.
Timmy's mother has always been someone Timmy loved, even though his mother abandoned him. He can't forget that she hatched him, or the warmth of her body after she caught him trying to sneak off the first time. Misses his mother, but she's gone mad and run off into the woods because she's kind of created a monster. Timmy feels a little responsible for that, but he has the childish idea that he has no responsibilities at all.
His best and only friend Foxy, has a forbidden relationship with him. She is definitely not in love with him, nor him with her, but "a fox and chickens sound perfectly natural together," says Timmy. Unfortunately none of the hens think so, and neither does Foxy's mom. Though I have never really written directly about her, Foxy recalls that Foxetta (I know right) her mom doesn't want her making friends with the chickens, but eating them. Timmy and Foxy share a connection that way. Both of them have parents they don't truly love. (Though Foxetta is truly evil.)
I like Timmy because he is perfectly balanced between an over exaggerated troublemaker child and his feelings, and hopes and worries. What do you guys think of him?



I was and I did, I just didn't want to say what I felt about it. *guilty owner of thread*
It was good. But creepy.

oh oof

 

[cathloveydovey]

Hmm. I has idea.

My favorite part of writing is actually the characters, so maybe one person could give a description/drawing of a character, and others could provide their personalities and vice versa.
I have a few chars I bought that I just can't get attached to (probably because I can't role play them) so they need some life put in them. Anyone?

OH I ALREADY MADE A NEW CHARRIE
My friend who is the admin of our server is 21, and he has a book already publish and up for sale on Amazon. My friends and I with his help started a RP set in the world of his book
I also made a mc skin for this charrie so REEE
I could probably help apparently Im good at making charries but idk

 

[cathloveydovey]

Spoiler: Ararulin Charrie

Name: Myla


Race: Ket (think irish ppl)


Age: 19


Appearance: 6’2, extremely pale, medium length ginger hair with blonde highlights, bright blue eyes, dark freckles all over her nose and cheeks. She wears a light gray overbust corset, the laces being a light pastel blue, with off the shoulder lace sleeves. A light pastel blue and black ruffled high-low skirt around her waist, and knee-high black leather boots, with light gray laces. She wears a long hooded black cloak that's clipped at her throat over her clothing, hiding her face.


Personality: She is constantly suspicious of other people's intuitions, and she’s very practical. She’s the kind of person who is good at starting things but bad at following them through. She lives in the moment, but she theorises when she needs to. She can seem very blunt and she speaks her mind constantly. She is extremely loyal to her friends, when she knows that she can trust them, she would gladly give her life for them. She is incredibly empathetic, nurturing and understanding, but when she needs to be cold and cruel she will be. She hides the fact that she's brilliant, which constantly makes her stressed, and then in turn makes her put herself down constantly.


Magic: Sensory, she excels in Submissive, but she can perform a little Dominant. (submissive magic is sharing feelings and emotions with another being, it also allows the user to read others feelings. It also allows the person to extend the reach of their senses. Dominant is basically manipulating peoples senses but it is extremely dangerous)


Weapon of Choice: Scimitar and daggers, sometimes prefers hand to hand combat.


Pets: A silver dappled Clydesdale stallion named Sterling.


Backstory: She was born in a village apart of the Tarkanor (winter) tribe, her parents had a deep hatred for magic since both her parents families were killed by magic users. Her parents trained her in the art of hand to hand combat due to her intense amount of energy, and capability to move quickly on her feet. When she was 11 a day came that completely changed the course of her life, while on her way to buy food for her family she met a magic-using scholar. He immediately saw her potential for sensory magic because of her explosive emotions and her immense empathy. They became friends over time and eventually she accepted his offer to teach her magic, and she became an incredible prodigy. Over the time of only 2 years, she could use Submissive magic with skill beyond even what her teacher could do, she kept it secret from her own parents though, because she knew what they would do to her if they found out. One day though, everything she knew and loved crashed down, while practicing her magic on a stormy evening, she accidentally read her father's emotions. She felt malice, and wrath coming off of him, wondering with fear why her father was feeling this way, she eavesdropped on him. To her horror she heard him talking to himself about a plan he had to kill the entire village, including her mother and herself. She was grief stricken and confused on why her father was planning this, but she knew what she had to do. Running to her teacher she told him everything and she told him what she needed to do, he agreed and he told her to be strong. Later that night, while her parents were asleep, she killed her father, left a goodbye note for her mother which also explained why her father was dead, and then she left the village, she now lives with her teacher, traveling along the land.

yeh

 

[cathloveydovey]

Spoiler: Ararulin Charrie

Name: Myla


Race: Ket (think irish ppl)


Age: 19


Appearance: 6’2, extremely pale, medium length ginger hair with blonde highlights, bright blue eyes, dark freckles all over her nose and cheeks. She wears a light gray overbust corset, the laces being a light pastel blue, with off the shoulder lace sleeves. A light pastel blue and black ruffled high-low skirt around her waist, and knee-high black leather boots, with light gray laces. She wears a long hooded black cloak that's clipped at her throat over her clothing, hiding her face.


Personality: She is constantly suspicious of other people's intuitions, and she’s very practical. She’s the kind of person who is good at starting things but bad at following them through. She lives in the moment, but she theorises when she needs to. She can seem very blunt and she speaks her mind constantly. She is extremely loyal to her friends, when she knows that she can trust them, she would gladly give her life for them. She is incredibly empathetic, nurturing and understanding, but when she needs to be cold and cruel she will be. She hides the fact that she's brilliant, which constantly makes her stressed, and then in turn makes her put herself down constantly.


Magic: Sensory, she excels in Submissive, but she can perform a little Dominant. (submissive magic is sharing feelings and emotions with another being, it also allows the user to read others feelings. It also allows the person to extend the reach of their senses. Dominant is basically manipulating peoples senses but it is extremely dangerous)


Weapon of Choice: Scimitar and daggers, sometimes prefers hand to hand combat.


Pets: A silver dappled Clydesdale stallion named Sterling.


Backstory: She was born in a village apart of the Tarkanor (winter) tribe, her parents had a deep hatred for magic since both her parents families were killed by magic users. Her parents trained her in the art of hand to hand combat due to her intense amount of energy, and capability to move quickly on her feet. When she was 11 a day came that completely changed the course of her life, while on her way to buy food for her family she met a magic-using scholar. He immediately saw her potential for sensory magic because of her explosive emotions and her immense empathy. They became friends over time and eventually she accepted his offer to teach her magic, and she became an incredible prodigy. Over the time of only 2 years, she could use Submissive magic with skill beyond even what her teacher could do, she kept it secret from her own parents though, because she knew what they would do to her if they found out. One day though, everything she knew and loved crashed down, while practicing her magic on a stormy evening, she accidentally read her father's emotions. She felt malice, and wrath coming off of him, wondering with fear why her father was feeling this way, she eavesdropped on him. To her horror she heard him talking to himself about a plan he had to kill the entire village, including her mother and herself. She was grief stricken and confused on why her father was planning this, but she knew what she had to do. Running to her teacher she told him everything and she told him what she needed to do, he agreed and he told her to be strong. Later that night, while her parents were asleep, she killed her father, left a goodbye note for her mother which also explained why her father was dead, and then she left the village, she now lives with her teacher, traveling along the land.

yeh