Writing School

[Ducklover2]

@HuffleClaw Do you need some writing skills?

 

[HeavensHens88]

Spoiler: Ivey Vine

I watched the sun start to set my eyes filled with sorrow, I could only imagine what terrible things the werewolves would do tonight. I’m Ivey. I grew up as any normal child does, loved and cared for and wanted. Funny word that. I was bitten and turned when I turned 16. Oh, I forgot to mention, I’m a vampire. I hunt and kill just as anything normal would if they are indeed normal. But me I view myself as normal, probably not what everyone else sees me as. I try and keep my fangs as hidden as I can. I don’t belong to a cult (what we call our groups) I’m living with my friend Keegan. She is a witch. No I’m not saying that to be mean, I mean she is a ligit witch. So she has a greenish tinge to her skin. I on the other hand am always as pale as you can get. There is not a drop of blood in me. I fumble with my necklace, in the pendant the words are engraved, Sky above me, earth below me and fire within me. These words have always been special since I was turned. I refuse to bite people or at least I try. The local tavern called The naughty pixie is where all us ‘normal’ people hang out. I hear a awful lot of screaming then I remember Keegan was outside, “oh no” I bolt downstairs and pass a few pixies. The only telltale sign is their sharp poutiest ears and how short they are. I throw open the door and march out. “What do you want?” I bark, a pack of three gangly werewolf men stood there smirking down at me. I am tall, as tall as a vampire can sort of get... “what are You going to do bloodsucker” one of them taunts. “Keep pushing me and you’ll find out” I snarl. One has a knife pressed to Keegan’s throat, “Hey” I half shout “let my friend go”. They laugh and one pushes me. I snap my fangs hard into their hand, the sour taste of werewolf blood fills my mouth. The other two laugh as their friend starts to yelp. Suddenly one steps forward and I start to threaten when he grabs a random pixie off the street. I’m so mad I launch myself ripping the skin off their arms, with a yell the other one forgets about Keegan and launches himself at me. I dodge and tackle him, “don’t. Touch. My. Friends” I pant. “Wow” Keegan whispers “you were really good. I lead the little pixie inside to try and mend her wounds, but I’m a vampire I can’t do much. Keegan steps forward her wand in hand, “here” she whispers mending her wounds, then she turns to me. “I’m fine” I mutter, she nods and turns back to the Pixie to heal the last of her wounds. I stared out the dusty window. I had done it, proven myself to be much more than just a vampire, to be a good friend.

You've got the good flow and overall bones of the story.
Improving punctuation might be your next step.

For starters, when you've got a bit of dialogue, you should have some sort of punctuation within the quotation marks.

How are those words being uttered?
Calmly or just said in general?
Then it'd be-
"She's up again before sunrise," Fern said.

Excitedly, forcefully, or fearfully?
Exclamation point!
"Let's go!" Felicity yelped.

Is it a query or question?
"Do we really have to stay here for the rest of the afternoon?" Jedidiah groaned.

stop procrastinating T_T

haha


I don't think this is the place for me. :3

 

[HeavensHens88]

Spoiler: Scorching Bravery

Standing on the edge of the mountain top he looked down at the flourishing valley beneath him. He inhaled deeply, stuck his broadsword in the soil beside him and closed his blood red eyes. Spreading his arms out wide he listened to the gentle thump of his heart through the blustering wind. He unfurled his tail from its hiding place inside his shirt and threw off his hood revealing his canine ears. The wind pulled at his clothes and made its way through the cloth, touching his skin with its icy fingers, hoping to chill him. He wet his lips and then opened his mouth, words flowing out from his voice box in a barely audible chant.

The sky above him suddenly began to shift, clouds flew in from miles away to where he stood within a few moments. The fluffy, snow white puffs of air changed into dark, gray, infuriated thunderclouds. Streaks of lighting raced across the sky and thunder rumbled through him as the wind pace picked up and threatened to throw him off the top of the mountain. He refused to let nature win, so he held his ground and dug his feet into the snow beneath him.

The earth below him started to shake, he gazed out at the setting sun and watched the valley, as the ground split into deep ravines. Enormous trees fell with jarring thuds that he could still feel all these miles away. Birds and animals scurried across the valley like an ant nest being attacked. The mountain on which he stood shook him with such an immense force that he lost his footing, but all the while he kept on chanting the spell.

This was the ultimate bravery for him, for anyone really. Destroying your own world? No one would even if they could, yet he was doing it. For everyone, for his friends, for his lover. She was gone, they were all gone, what was the point of living anymore? The world was about to fall into ruin by a God's hand. Why not destroy the world by a Elemanians hand? That was why he was doing this. For the greater good, if he let the world live it would only be pain and suffering for anyone born into it. He knew this was the best option. He knew this was the only option.

The fire inside him flickered and tormented his mind as he knew the lives that were being lost, animal and Elemianian alike. A silent tear slid down his cheek for all those he had lost and those who were being killed at this moment. He was sorry for them all. But he had to do this. He lifted up his left foot and stomped hard. The ground shook and then a wall of fire was sent forth down the mountain and shot through the valley. He lifted his right foot and stomped just as hard, and again a wall of fire shot down the mountain into the valley. The fire he had sent forth spread at an unnatural speed, consuming everything in its path with an unquenchable hunger.

He winced at the suffering he was causing but he continued to chant, this had to end. It had to end now before more suffering was induced. This entire thing was most definitely justified though.

He was doing this for the Hybrids.

For, Eclipse, Zephyr, Cascade, Lavender, Leif.

For Misty…

So with all the power he had left in him, he forced the words in his spell out faster.

And all the power of destruction with which he was blessed with surged forth.

To end the Dimension called Elemians.

His home.

Legitimacy.
I am awed and scared.

 

[Butterscotchbitesfinger]

You've got the good flow and overall bones of the story.
Improving punctuation might be your next step.

For starters, when you've got a bit of dialogue, you should have some sort of punctuation within the quotation marks.

How are those words being uttered?
Calmly or just said in general?
Then it'd be-
"She's up again before sunrise," Fern said.

Excitedly, forcefully, or fearfully?
Exclamation point!
"Let's go!" Felicity yelped.

Is it a query or question?
"Do we really have to stay here for the rest of the afternoon?" Jedidiah groaned.


haha


I don't think this is the place for me. :3

That’s really helpful thanks, it’s easy for me to understand

 

[HeavensHens88]

I wrote this last night and I was kinda stressed at the time plus I needed to go so it's not really good XD
If this has too much blood, tell me. It's not good and 'twas rushed, but whala. (Also, I do best writing death scenes from other characters perspectives, not the character who is dying, so this is really, really awkward for me to write XD)

Spoiler: Skoll's Sacrifice (Has Violence)

Skoll's eyes flashed as he hardly avoided the steel blade of a man's knife. Get it away from him, stay fast.
He was engaged in a deathly dance of a fight with a man who was adorned with black and grey camo, the man's eyes smoldering with an odd hatred, even though Skoll was sure he had never laid eyes on the soldier in his meager sixteen years of life.
The man hurtled towards him, swinging his blade near Skoll's throat, merely for the burly silver haired boy to leap at a surprising speed backwards to avoid its blow of death.
He eyed him as though the man was a poisonous snake, aimed to strike its long fangs into his leg and emit its poison into his blood flow.
Skoll lurched forward, a hand extended as he slammed into the man, reaching to grip down the knife.
He gave a screeching yelp of pain as the blade dug into his skin, crimson blood dripping at a fast rate from the deep gash in his left hand. He yanked his hand back, before grabbing the back of the man's head by his hair with his right hand, his wounded left hand digging into the man's hand for the knife's handle. Come on, come on!
Finally, the man was forced to left go when Skoll twisted his head towards an unnatural angle, his grip on the knife lessening ever-so slightly that Skoll could steal away the knife, before burying his knee into the man's side, sending him to the ground as he released his grip on the black hair.
He ripped forward, shoving the knife into the man's throat, grimacing as blood bubbled up and washed over his hand. The feeling of someone else's blood on his hands... It made him sick. Killing was nothing to be proud of, but war was war, right?
He backed away from the man, clutching the now stained crimson knife. He turned, searching to see if his friends needed help.
Lachlan seemed to be doing fine, which shocked Skoll. His little cousin had never been much for violence. The fact that River and Thomas were seemingly missing was sickening. If anything happened to his cousin and her friend... Well, he wouldn't be able to live with himself. Let alone face his mother, Kayla, to bring news that her dear sister's daughter had possibly departed from this life.
Where's Fola?
He whirled in a circle, searching for the snappy girl with earnest. There!
Fola was cornered by a man with a gun, her face curled into a sharp snarl.
Without thinking as he usually did, he surged forward, throwing himself between the girl he despised and the gun, just as something caused his ears to buzz, his stomach turning with a sickening feel of nausea and... Pain?
He stumbled backwards, his stomach burning with a scorching fire. He was hardly aware of anything happening, somehow the man was lifeless in a few moments, possibly by the hand of Fola-- If she had gotten around him and quickly found a weapon, or more likely Lachlan, who was suddenly by Skoll's side.
No, get away. Why are you leaning on me? Er, why am I leaning on you? What's-- Oh-- Argh! He couldn't help but start sliding to his knees as his brain processed the pain and began screaming at him to force it to stop. Crimson stained his dark grey shirt, blood spitting from it. Oh God.
The bullet had torn straight through him, ripping his insides apart as it passed its metal fangs through them.
The fire inside him was growing by the passing seconds, the earth underneath him starting to spin, the sky starting to turn hazy and the air thicken as he sustained major blood lose.
He didn't know how it happened, but he was soon on his back, Fola pressing her cold hands against his wound for presser, Lachlan defending them from anything that dared to come near.
His sight was starting to go black around the edges, his clothes almost entirely coated with blood by now, sourly metallic blood starting to bubble up and spill from his mouth.
"Come on, Skoll, River's gonna kill me if you die!" Fola muttered, but he couldn't help but catch something in her voice... Regret? Pity? Odd.
"I'm--" His weakened voice was cut off by a wheezing cough. "--I'm fine! Be better by dinner, alright-y?" He said, his voice taking on a hopefully soothing silliness.
He squinted, tears squeezing from his eyes, his throat closing off as pain ripped up his nerves. It shouldn't have been different, he had taken plenty of blows in his life. Never a bullet, however.
Trembles broke out over his body, a cold sweat erupting from his temple, his eyes rolled back into his head, his body convulsing in racking coughs as blood filled his lunges and chest cavity, drowning him in his own blood.
Please, just make it stop. Please make it stop. He was aware of Fola rolling him to his side so that he could more easily spit the blood out, her voice seemingly distant and vague as she mumbled to him frantically.
He flinched as darkness started to take over his vision, absorbing him in blackness. No, stay awake…

His body went limp, signifying death’s dark arrival.

Also, I have no clue why Skoll, Fola, River, Thomas, and Lachlan are fighting these dudes, I'm not that far in the story yet XD

Oh boy yes it has violence.

 

[cathloveydovey]

You've got the good flow and overall bones of the story.
Improving punctuation might be your next step.

For starters, when you've got a bit of dialogue, you should have some sort of punctuation within the quotation marks.

How are those words being uttered?
Calmly or just said in general?
Then it'd be-
"She's up again before sunrise," Fern said.

Excitedly, forcefully, or fearfully?
Exclamation point!
"Let's go!" Felicity yelped.

Is it a query or question?
"Do we really have to stay here for the rest of the afternoon?" Jedidiah groaned.


haha


I don't think this is the place for me. :3

That’s really helpful thanks, it’s easy for me to understand

Thats what I said in the first story ;-;
I guess I should have explained it LMAO

 

[cathloveydovey]

Legitimacy.
I am awed and scared.

thancc

 

[RiverStorm]

Oh boy yes it has violence.

Heheh
Hehhehehehheheheh

 

[Amer]

I love the sensory in this.

Thancc

 

[HeavensHens88]

Thats what I said in the first story ;-;
I guess I should have explained it LMAO

WELL SORRY FOR BEING REPETITIVE.
I ONLY READ BACK AS FAR AS QUOTATIONALLY (DISCLAIMER: not a word) REQUIRED.

Also, my apologies to you, Butterscotch.