Writing School

[Ducklover2]

WELL SORRY FOR BEING REPETITIVE.
I ONLY READ BACK AS FAR AS QUOTATIONALLY (DISCLAIMER: not a word) REQUIRED.

Also, my apologies to you, Butterscotch.

It could be a word. "Definition of quotational. : of the nature of a quotation : indicating quotation."

 

[HeavensHens88]

It could be a word. "Definition of quotational. : of the nature of a quotation : indicating quotation."

Truth. But it's not yet officiated.

 

[cathloveydovey]

You've got the good flow and overall bones of the story.
Improving punctuation might be your next step.

For starters, when you've got a bit of dialogue, you should have some sort of punctuation within the quotation marks.

How are those words being uttered?
Calmly or just said in general?
Then it'd be-
"She's up again before sunrise," Fern said.

Excitedly, forcefully, or fearfully?
Exclamation point!
"Let's go!" Felicity yelped.

Is it a query or question?
"Do we really have to stay here for the rest of the afternoon?" Jedidiah groaned.


haha


I don't think this is the place for me. :3

*flips table*
SARY GO WRITE

 

[Butterscotchbitesfinger]

WELL SORRY FOR BEING REPETITIVE.
I ONLY READ BACK AS FAR AS QUOTATIONALLY (DISCLAIMER: not a word) REQUIRED.

Also, my apologies to you, Butterscotch.

No offence to Misty but yours was a bit easier for me to understand

 

[RiverStorm]

Truth. But it's not yet officiated.

Let's make it officiated

 

[Ducklover2]

Truth. But it's not yet officiated.

We'll help you officiate it.

 

[RiverStorm]

I wrote this last night and I was kinda stressed at the time plus I needed to go so it's not really good XD
If this has too much blood, tell me. It's not good and 'twas rushed, but whala. (Also, I do best writing death scenes from other characters perspectives, not the character who is dying, so this is really, really awkward for me to write XD)

Spoiler: Skoll's Sacrifice (Has Violence)

Skoll's eyes flashed as he hardly avoided the steel blade of a man's knife. Get it away from him, stay fast.
He was engaged in a deathly dance of a fight with a man who was adorned with black and grey camo, the man's eyes smoldering with an odd hatred, even though Skoll was sure he had never laid eyes on the soldier in his meager sixteen years of life.
The man hurtled towards him, swinging his blade near Skoll's throat, merely for the burly silver haired boy to leap at a surprising speed backwards to avoid its blow of death.
He eyed him as though the man was a poisonous snake, aimed to strike its long fangs into his leg and emit its poison into his blood flow.
Skoll lurched forward, a hand extended as he slammed into the man, reaching to grip down the knife.
He gave a screeching yelp of pain as the blade dug into his skin, crimson blood dripping at a fast rate from the deep gash in his left hand. He yanked his hand back, before grabbing the back of the man's head by his hair with his right hand, his wounded left hand digging into the man's hand for the knife's handle. Come on, come on!
Finally, the man was forced to left go when Skoll twisted his head towards an unnatural angle, his grip on the knife lessening ever-so slightly that Skoll could steal away the knife, before burying his knee into the man's side, sending him to the ground as he released his grip on the black hair.
He ripped forward, shoving the knife into the man's throat, grimacing as blood bubbled up and washed over his hand. The feeling of someone else's blood on his hands... It made him sick. Killing was nothing to be proud of, but war was war, right?
He backed away from the man, clutching the now stained crimson knife. He turned, searching to see if his friends needed help.
Lachlan seemed to be doing fine, which shocked Skoll. His little cousin had never been much for violence. The fact that River and Thomas were seemingly missing was sickening. If anything happened to his cousin and her friend... Well, he wouldn't be able to live with himself. Let alone face his mother, Kayla, to bring news that her dear sister's daughter had possibly departed from this life.
Where's Fola?
He whirled in a circle, searching for the snappy girl with earnest. There!
Fola was cornered by a man with a gun, her face curled into a sharp snarl.
Without thinking as he usually did, he surged forward, throwing himself between the girl he despised and the gun, just as something caused his ears to buzz, his stomach turning with a sickening feel of nausea and... Pain?
He stumbled backwards, his stomach burning with a scorching fire. He was hardly aware of anything happening, somehow the man was lifeless in a few moments, possibly by the hand of Fola-- If she had gotten around him and quickly found a weapon, or more likely Lachlan, who was suddenly by Skoll's side.
No, get away. Why are you leaning on me? Er, why am I leaning on you? What's-- Oh-- Argh! He couldn't help but start sliding to his knees as his brain processed the pain and began screaming at him to force it to stop. Crimson stained his dark grey shirt, blood spitting from it. Oh God.
The bullet had torn straight through him, ripping his insides apart as it passed its metal fangs through them.
The fire inside him was growing by the passing seconds, the earth underneath him starting to spin, the sky starting to turn hazy and the air thicken as he sustained major blood lose.
He didn't know how it happened, but he was soon on his back, Fola pressing her cold hands against his wound for presser, Lachlan defending them from anything that dared to come near.
His sight was starting to go black around the edges, his clothes almost entirely coated with blood by now, sourly metallic blood starting to bubble up and spill from his mouth.
"Come on, Skoll, River's gonna kill me if you die!" Fola muttered, but he couldn't help but catch something in her voice... Regret? Pity? Odd.
"I'm--" His weakened voice was cut off by a wheezing cough. "--I'm fine! Be better by dinner, alright-y?" He said, his voice taking on a hopefully soothing silliness.
He squinted, tears squeezing from his eyes, his throat closing off as pain ripped up his nerves. It shouldn't have been different, he had taken plenty of blows in his life. Never a bullet, however.
Trembles broke out over his body, a cold sweat erupting from his temple, his eyes rolled back into his head, his body convulsing in racking coughs as blood filled his lunges and chest cavity, drowning him in his own blood.
Please, just make it stop. Please make it stop. He was aware of Fola rolling him to his side so that he could more easily spit the blood out, her voice seemingly distant and vague as she mumbled to him frantically.
He flinched as darkness started to take over his vision, absorbing him in blackness. No, stay awake…

His body went limp, signifying death’s dark arrival.

Also, I have no clue why Skoll, Fola, River, Thomas, and Lachlan are fighting these dudes, I'm not that far in the story yet XD

*Totally isn't waiting for critique*

 

[HeavensHens88]

Let's make it officiated

We'll help you officiate it.

*slams gavel into desk*
I HEREBY DECLARE THIS OFFICIATION GATHERING TO ORDER.

 

[HeavensHens88]

*flips table*
SARY GO WRITE

haha
first I must fill in AET.

 

[cathloveydovey]

No offence to Misty but yours was a bit easier for me to understand

Well she actually explained XD