16 years together but....

[howfunkyisurchicken]

Wow, I can tell you as a SHM (who's also looking for a job), that the situation you're in is pretty ridiculous. My hubby is the "bread winner" in our family and obviously pays all of the bills, but he doesn't consider everything in our household to be "his"- including me. It sounds to me that your husband sees you as a possession instead of a partner. And your taking care of/waiting on him probably has absolutely nothing to do with that.
I agree that a job and some independence sounds like a very good thing for you, and him. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? I know there are times when DH and I get on each others nerves, but he never tries to control me or hold him paying for everything over my head.
I've read that you've had counseling in the past, but has your husband? Maybe he would feel more comfortable talking to someone without you to work out some of his pent up frustrations...
And by the way, your quilts are BEAUTIFUL! And don't pay attention to DHs snide remarks about selling eggs. People that are actively looking for eggs outside their grocery store probably already know the benefits of them and how to handle them.
Good luck on the job search from a fellow and actively looking bored housewife
Nikki

 

[bamachicks8]

Why are you opposed to the cashier jobs? Maybe not as a long term solution but until you find something you love this will also tell you how dh will react to you having a job

 

[flocksalot]

You know you could post some pics of your quilts on the Buy Sell Trade section. You could make money that way too.

 

[trameghan]

I have read all of your posts and I noticed a lot of myself and my ex husband in them. He was not nearly as controlling as your husband is but I also got the snickers and well it is my money etc. I stayed home or worked minimum wage jobs for most of the 12 years we were together. I had no problem cooking and cleaning when I didn't work. After I went back to school and got a career and a job I'm proud of, my money still wasn't mine and he still expected me to do all the house work. He wouldn't go to counseling either even though I begged and told him how miserable I was. I don't know your husband, but I can tell you, as big a jerk as my ex acted, he is not a bad guy at heart. I wish I knew how the male mind works sometimes. The more independent I became, the more of a control freak he became and the more he complained about not "getting any". Before it could be weeks but suddenly, when things got bad, it was nearly every night he would complain about it. Maybe, like another member suggested, he knows something is up but doesn't know how to react to it so he just keeps doing what he knows. Does that make sense? When you changed, he freaked out. Being an independent woman is a great thing and perhaps he needs shown somehow that he will not lose his wife when you get a job. I agree that you need your own checking account even if most of the money goes to paying the bills.

I had a book(wish I could remember the name) that had some really easy, common sense relationship advice. The first thing it said was to make a deal not to talk about your issues for awhile(money, sex, etc.) These are just the surface problems that stem from the real problem, lack of intimacy. At first it makes no sense at all but then I thought about it and it does make sense. The book suggested to touch(hold hands, touch his arm, etc) 3 times a day. Have several little chats during the day not involving the kids, work, housework or any other chore. It has to be something you enjoy or an interesting subject you saw on the news or something else that moves you. They don't have to be long. Also, go on dates. pretend you just met and are getting to know each other again. Tell him thank you when he does something even if you asked him to do it. Both of you come up with something nice to say about each other every day even if you have to stretch the truth some. The idea is to help bring out the positive. A marriage is worth saving especially when children are involved. Only you can decide if your husband is a good man and worth fighting for. You don't have to try any of the stuff I suggested and I normally don't offer unsolicited advice but I couldn't help myself. I'll try to find the name of that book. Oh, tell him when you do little things like move your chickens or sell your eggs because when he does find out later, he will feel you are lying or keeping it from him. Something like that would make me resent full and hurt so I imagine that is how he feels too. I know why you do it though, I've done very similar things. Sorry to sound so preachy. I'm done now. lol

You have some very nice quilts. And you made a lot! wow! Keep up the lovely work. Love them

 

[Cknldy]

I'm not opposed to cashier jobs, I have applied for them. Something is better than nothing. I simply feel that I can do something else, something that is more me. I know I will probably only make minimum wage since I haven't worked outside the home in such a long time but it doesn't hurt to hope for better. No matter how many equal opportunity papers they give out there is still a stigma that women don't do certain jobs like carpentry, etc. I'm a fast learner and I've done most everything at home. It reminds me of 'Erin Brachovich' and 'Pretty Woman'- folks don't give women a chance to prove they can do a job other than 'women' jobs. I'm pretty sure if dh walked into the employment office they wouldn't immediately suggest a cashier job! Lol. I run a mean weedeater. I've had a lesson or two on a chainsaw. I've built porches and coops. I've helped hang dry wall and change out motors and transmissions. I don't want to encrouch on the male dominated world but is it really a bad thing to want more than minimum wage? In my area women are in nursing, beauty salons and cashiers. Maybe I just move against the frain anyhow. There is a gov't program that will pay for CNA training but if training such as that is going to be paid for by someone else I'd prefer it to be something I will stick with and make a happy career of, not just an 'I'm doing this for the money and cuz I didn't have to pay for training' job.

 

[MaryMouse]

Try applying at local vet clinics as a kennel cleaner. Definately a minimum wage position, but mabey a job you would enjoy.

 

[bamachicks8]

I'm not opposed to cashier jobs, I have applied for them. Something is better than nothing. I simply feel that I can do something else, something that is more me. I know I will probably only make minimum wage since I haven't worked outside the home in such a long time but it doesn't hurt to hope for better. No matter how many equal opportunity papers they give out there is still a stigma that women don't do certain jobs like carpentry, etc. I'm a fast learner and I've done most everything at home. It reminds me of 'Erin Brachovich' and 'Pretty Woman'- folks don't give women a chance to prove they can do a job other than 'women' jobs. I'm pretty sure if dh walked into the employment office they wouldn't immediately suggest a cashier job! Lol. I run a mean weedeater. I've had a lesson or two on a chainsaw. I've built porches and coops. I've helped hang dry wall and change out motors and transmissions. I don't want to encrouch on the male dominated world but is it really a bad thing to want more than minimum wage? In my area women are in nursing, beauty salons and cashiers. Maybe I just move against the frain anyhow. There is a gov't program that will pay for CNA training but if training such as that is going to be paid for by someone else I'd prefer it to be something I will stick with and make a happy career of, not just an 'I'm doing this for the money and cuz I didn't have to pay for training' job.

I know that feeling I had a customer the other day to rudely interrupt me to tell me she help getting her dog in. I said ok one minute she said well you may need to get a guy to help you he is kinda heavy GRRR
That made me so mad the only guy here is 60 yrs old and I can lift 3 times his weight something I've proved many times. Another example is these older me who come in saying they need help getting their dog in. When I walk out there they say oh oh let me get him for you hes kinda heavy I'm like no I got him and I joyfully watch as their mouths drop open as I scoop up the dog and carry them in there. I mean come on if you could carry the dog in why didn't you?

 

[Cknldy]

  Try applying at local vet clinics as a kennel cleaner. Definately a minimum wage position, but mabey a job you would enjoy.

That was the very first job that I had as a teen barely over the age limit to work There aren't many vet clinics or kennels in this area. Appalachian region is a poor region so not many people use those types of services.

 

[Cknldy]

Bama that is so funny! I get that at the feed store. I don't want to make an extra trip to take the buggy/cart back so I toss the feed on my shoulder after paying, here comes a male worker reaching out to get it saying he'll take it out for me. I appreciate that folks are still willing to be helpful and friendly but they aren't waiting at home to unload it either Yes, sometimes that feed is half of my weight but I got it. So far today the online apps are getting filled out rapidly. Whatever happened to face to face applications and interviews so you can make your pitch as to how good you could be for a company? Now I'm just another applicant until I call to follow up in a few days. Guess I'll work on quilt blocks for the swap instead of wasting gas today. Happy cluckin...

 

[jdywntr]

Hi. I've read through your posts and have to say, sadly, that I am in a similar situation. We moved because my husband was transferred. I've been looking for work for months with no luck (and hear about it alot). We live about 20 miles from the nearest anything and I don't have a really reliable vehicle.

I've also applied for positions that are not typically women's work and do get odd looks. I've applied for jobs that I know I'm overqualified for, I have a BA in psychology and management experience, but still no luck. I think I'm going to need to look further away, though I really don't want to drive 45 minutes to an hour each way but we've been told that the area that we are living kind of looks down on "outsiders". This has been reinforced by numerous people.

If you can go to places it is always better to get your face seen along with your app. Online apps are horrible, you are just a piece of paper. My husband likes to say, its easier to find a job when you have a job. So, if you've been offered a cashier position, I'd take it and keep looking for what you want. Maybe try volunteering in a field you'd like to work in after you find work.

Good luck to you!