A long, bad rant - need to talk to someone.

[Elite Silkies]

Have you been without running water for all these years?

 

[sumi]

Most of the time we didn't have water. We eventually put some taps into our 2room house, but we moved into a another building on the farm awhile ago to get away from her and get more space and privacy. No water, but a bigger building
We used to go bath in the main house, but madam complains about the electricity (geyser), so we made another plan.

My DH promised me we'll be out of here in two years time, max. We're both starting to think the farm's not going to sell anytime soon, so it's time for another plan. Wish us luck.

Joy's still with us, barely.

 

[abbey808]

I'm truly sorry to hear about your situation with your MIL and now with little Joy. It's hard when everything bad seems to come all at once. It seems as if you've given this a lot of thought and are on the right track to making things right. I know that things are rough right now, but hang in there. You're not alone. We're always here if you need to vent, or need a shoulder to cry on. Please take care!

Sending you prayers and hugs.

 

[Hucklekree]

My goodness,

My family and I will be praying for you please keep us updated. Sounds like a mess.

 

[ChickieBooBoo]

 

[HighNDryFarm]

I'd have your husband call her Dr and get power of attorney (she doesn't seem sound of mind), move in and tell her you are going to take care of her. Really, living w/o power and running water? What are you teaching your son? Your husband needs to man up and tell his mother that HE will not allow such treatment of his family by her any longer!

 

[Chicky Monkey]

I am so sorry for all you have gone through!!! Bless your heart. Will your husband be able to walk away from his mother when the situation presents itself? My husband was very attached to his parents when they were alive and it caused a great deal of grief. But I wasn't as tolerant and nice as you! It's nice when children are devoted and loving towards parents, but as it is intended, when two people get married, they become 'one' and should leave their parents. I believe that it means a husband should be devoted most to his wife and children and put them first, but still be caring and respectful of parents. If parents make it difficult for their married children, then they need to have a distance put between them and their married children, at least until they can behave and show respect for their children's marriage. I hope things improve for you and your family and please know that many, many others have gone through what you are going through. There are so many good, kind, caring people in this forum! I think 'venting' is very healthy and helps bring supportive input when you need it most!

 

[FourPawz]

Your husband really needs to realize that as the owner of that property, your immediate family is well within its rights to move into that guesthouse. Frankly, you are putting your son at risk. What's your MIL going to do, really? Throw a fit? Let her.

In a conversation with a therapist (in a social setting, not as a patient) a good friend of mine was told, "you create your own traps in life". Your husband is one of the owners of that property. There is NO contract or anything else saying he can't use the guest house and there is no contract saying he bought that farm for momma to have any source of income from that guesthouse.

Momma is furious that her baby boy had the audacity to marry. That's her problem, not yours. You do not owe her, you owe yourselves and your child is your highest priority.

The bottom line? The 2 of you have a minor child that you are responsible for. That responsibility requires you live in a real home, not in a 2 room hovel.

 

[sumi]

Thank you, he's reached the point of "this isn't worth it". Took awhile, but we got there. We're just going to put enormous effort into making and saving money now, so we can go. I asked him what about her? It's not easy for him, but he's willing to leave her and take his family somewhere better. We tried, we always put her first, she didn't give anything back. We did what we could.
I think my breaking down last night made him realize I'm at my wit's end. With all the drama we had this year, the break-ins, the chicks we lost, seeing Joy slowly leaving us...
We can't rely on the farm selling and stay here another 4 years! I'm still going to try, but in the meantime we're making other plans!

Thank you for caring

 

[watchdogps]

There have been some mentions of how wife and child should "come first" or be more important than Mom. I don't think that's entirely true, moms should be loved and cared for and they ARE important, but the fact of the matter is that does not allow them to treat another human being the way she is treating you. Hubby needs not say "my wife and kids are more important" and that would likely create a LOT more resentment on her part, but he does need to say "we are humans and we do not deserve this treatment". It doesnt matter if she is family or not, you just dont do that. Perhaps putting it that way may help your husband see it a little differently too. Less guilt on his part.