~*~A Race Among The Stars~*~A story about a throughbred~*~

[ChickenRadio]

Hello! Many(?) of my past books have failed so i decided to wright a new one. So yeah. If your wondering what other books i wrote i have. "In Black & White." And. "On The West Hill." So you can check them out. Well thats all i have so yeah. Oh! Please look below to see a little rule list thingy. Thanks!


RULES:

Please be nice about your tips.
Its my thread don't try to take over.
If you have any ideas and im suffering writers block pm it to me i might just use it if it works with the chapter before it.
If you want to post a link to a book or RP ask me first.
Enjoy!







Prologue:

"Mr. Raybin! Mr.Raybin!" The stable hand came racing up the path to the house. "Whoa Charles." Jim Raybin came out the door of the house as the stable hand reach it. "Whats all the fuss about?" He asked. "A filly has been born over night! She looks weak though." The stable hand said. Without another word Jim walked to the barn and entered. In the third stall his racing mare White Star named because of the white star on her fore head. Looked up at him. Next to her a black filly layed on the ground. The filly looked up at him as he entered the stall. "She just needs some help up thats all." Jim told the stable hand as he gently reached under the filly and pulled her on to her long spindly legs. She stood for a second then wobbled to her mother to start suckling. "Shes a great filly Star." He told the mare as he patted her on the head. "Now hurry back to your work charles. Im going in to tell Sara the news." Jim walked to the house and finished breakfast while he told the family.

 

[ChickenRadio]

*Stares at empyness* Hello?

 

[ChickenRadio]

Chapter 1


2 weeks later.


The man entered the barn and walked over to her stall. Stars mother walked up to the gate and whickerd at the man who put a halter on her and led her out. Star followed her mom as the man led her into a field and let her go. the man made sure star went in and then closed the gate and left. "Mommy where are we?" Star asked. "We're in the field Star." She said. "Go play." Star was reluctant to leave her mom and waited a few seconds before carefully walked out to the middle of the field and stopped to think. Then she took off running and bucking and sqealing. "Mommy look! Im running!" She ran and few more laps then slowed to a stop panting hard. She spent the rest of her time in the field looking at the birds, flies and other creatures.

 

[AraucanaAnnie]

This is really good!

One suggestion might be to make the chapters a bit longer if it's possible.

 

[ChickenRadio]

This is really good!

One suggestion might be to make the chapters a bit longer if it's possible.

I know thats what alot of people tell me on my books. but i always run out of ideas half way through.

Thanks!

 

[AraucanaAnnie]

You're welcome! Also be sure to check grammar!
I can't wait for more!

 

[ChickenRadio]

You're welcome! Also be sure to check grammar!
I can't wait for more!

Is my grammar not good?

 

[SunnySkyFarm]

Check these...

Chapter 1


2 weeks later.


The man entered the barn and walked over to her stall. Stars mother walked up to the gate and whickerd at the man who put a halter on her and led her out. Star followed her mom as the man led her into a field and let her go. the man made sure star went in and then closed the gate and left. "Mommy where are we?" Star asked. "We're in the field Star." She said. "Go play." Star was reluctant to leave her mom and waited a few seconds before carefully walked out to the middle of the field and stopped to think. Then she took off running and bucking and sqealing. "Mommy look! Im running!" She ran and few more laps then slowed to a stop panting hard. She spent the rest of her time in the field looking at the birds, flies and other creatures.

 

[ChickenRadio]

Check these...

Okay thank you

 

[animallover505]

Cool!!