alcohol related-need advice--UPDATE 1-2-2008

[seminolewind]

My sister is an alcoholic. She's not working, losing her house, etc. We have not been very close the last 15 years. Now she is calling me every day crying that she doesn't want to drink and can't stop. I have not been involved in her situations till now. I know that she might have said this many times before, it's hard to know how much of this is manipulation. I am not an enabler. My only offers to her are a shoulder, and a ride to : AA, rehab/detox, church, or the hospital.
The problem is I can't find anywhere to take her. The hospital would not admit her, and the detox/rehabs I have called say they are full. I don't know what else to try.
If you are a recovering alcoholic or live with one, please give me some advice, either here or PM me confidentially.
If she went to a doctor , could a doctor get her admitted somewhere? Thanks

 

[Wildsky]

I would think a doctor would have the authority to admit her - to hospital or rehab.
Good luck and its really nice you want to help her out!

 

[paganfish]

The best thing for her would be to go to AA meetings and network through them. You can go and SIT with her in meetings so long as they are OPEN meetings. (Closed meetings are for alcoholics only)

If you look in your white pages under "Alcoholic Anonymous" you should find their 800 number there and they can direct you to the nearest "open meeting" in your area. I don't know what kind of area you live in but, if it's heavily populated you are sure to find at least ONE (if not MORE) meeting a day there.

The fact that she admitted she has a problem (does not want to drink anymore) is a BIG, HUGE step! She just needs to be pointed in the right direction. It's wonderful that you want to help her in this.

If you want and she feels comfortable you could sit in with her and just introduce yourself as a "visitor" when they do introductions. No problem...they'll still welcome you. If you don't or your sister is NOT comfortable, that's fine too. It all depends.

Alcoholism is a disease and should be treated as such. She has lost complete will of her life over it...she needs help. The sooner she gets the better. Please keep me updated on this and if there is ANYTHING else I can do...let me know.

Peace-

Pedro

PS Also, If you find this a bit overwhelming...you might consider Alanon. They help family and friends of alcoholics and it might give you a better understanding of the disease. You might find the proper support to help you in dealing with your sister's affliction.

 

[ChickenCop]

I'm sorry to hear about your family member's situation...Here in Indiana when things like this happen, because the hospitals and detox centers are always saying they are busy. We (police) or even a family member that is concerned about a loved one or just a person in the community can go to the courthouse and see the county clerk to set an appointment to see a judge and request a "Mental Inquest Warrant"(MIW)...Now of course this is not just for someone that is mentally challenged but for a person that is not stable enough to make the right decisions that need to be made. You make the judge aware of the entire situation, from the alcohol problem, to what have you, say she's got children to watch over...etc.etc..This also allows you to get around the BS the hospitals and detox centers are giving you. With the court order here it's prioritized over everything else regardless of the hospital is "full" or not. We serve at least 4-5 MIW's a week for related situations. With a MIW this person MUST GO to the hospital, not a decision they can make if they want the help or not. Regardless they GO. I hope this helps but utlizing the court system to your advantage is one way to get things done up here, and hopefully you can do the same in your neck of the woods. Wishing you the best.

Before i jump the gun, the AA option is the best way to go...but it seems when someone sees that someone is willing to help and then they start to "backtrack" then the MIW is an option i would highly recommend...

 

[msbliss]

Seminole, I'm sorry your sister and family are faced with this situation. So much of my life has been touched with alcoholism and other addictions, so I know firsthand how everyone, including the addict, suffers.

AA was mentioned above and I'd recommend that as a first point of contact. They cannot/will not recommend a treatment center, but by talking to others at a meeting you might be able to get some leads into which treatment centers are good/bad, etc. Also, by calling your local AA office, they do have recovering alcoholics who will make a visit to the persons home to talk with them. Forget what that home visit call is called, but your local office will give you info. They will ask if there is any alcohol in the house and will NOT make a visit if this is the case - since they're all recovering as well. Makes sense, right? Also, you'd be able to get info on an "intervention" if you'd want to do that. The suggestion to attend an open meeting with your sister is a good one. Whether she's sober or not when she attends they will be very welcoming. The meetings are wonderful, for the addict as well as friends/family. You also might want to check into AlAnon - it is also a wonderful supportive program and helps with understanding the disease and what your role can and cannot be in your loved ones recovery.

I wish you the best...

 

[seminolewind]

Thankyou for the advice. I will call her tomorrow and say if she wants to go to AA, I will go with her. She has gone in the past, but when I asked her what step she made it to, "step 1" for the last 10 years. So I said "You can't just sit there for the sake of saying you're going. You have to really get involved and believe in the steps and you need a sponser who has BEEN THERE."
20 years ago I split up with my ex, who was an alcoholic, and I went to alanon and my DD went to alateen.
I'm trying to help without enabling, and I'm glad the advice here is , thankfully, along those lines.
Pedro, thanks, I'll update if anything happens.-Karen

 

[back2basics]

Alcholism is such a family disease, both of my brother's sufferer from it one is in recovery and the other struggles daily. Continue to listen and do not hesitate to go back to alanon if that support works for you. You are good to be concerned, but watch for you first, you cannot help her if you are not strong. Contacting her docter is a good starting point, hang in and hang tough. Its one day at a time for a reason.

mary

 

[SpottedCrow]

I haven't posted any earlier because I've been in this boat.
My mother was a drunk and I was one too. I stopped the day after I got competely plastered and tried to drive home. I scared the crap out of my best friend and totalled my car. I haven't touched a drop since and it's been 20 years.

Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom and other times reality smacks you in the face with a two by four.

My mother died a drunk two days before her 54th birthday. She wasn't taking her high blood pressure meds because she needed to drink more than take care of herself. When she died I found 6 half used bottles between the mattress and box spring. My grandfather found her in the bathtub where she'd been for around 12 hours. She either stroked out or she just got totalled shattered and fell and broke her neck.

She only went to AA when her sister brought her. She didn't think she had a problem. Even when a family friend found her swaying down the street at 6 in the morning and called. Or when my grandfather went out with his girlfriend and she got drunk and tried to stab herself with a steak knife. She answered the door to the paramedics with the knife still stuck in her stomach. Nope, no problem. That gave her a ticket to the local looney bin where she got to dry out for 3 days and then she checked herself out...and started all over again.

She couldn't hold a job. I had her working in a store with me and the asst manager came over and asked if she had a drinking problem, because she could smell it on her. She lost an over night job at Walmart because she used to get drunk on the job.

She needed someone to step up and take her by the hand and drag her to where she needed to be. She didn't think she had a problem. My grandfather who she lived with was so selfish that HE didn't think she had a problem either.

You could try an involuntary commital, which is where the doctor examines her and says that she needs to be committed for her own good.

As much as you hate being in this position, I'm glad that at least she's communicating with you that she's in trouble. That DOESN'T mean that you give her money or car keys or even let her move in because that would cause even more problems.

Many hugs and slobbery chicken kisses.

 

[seminolewind]

I am hoping this time is different- she has NEVER asked for my help, and she is calling me several times a day, crying, saying she wants to stop but she can't. But I am not going to get my hopes up at this time.

 

[arlee453]

In this state, an involuntary committal requires a magistrates order and must be on the grounds that someone is an immediate threat to themselves or someone else. BUT, it's only good for 72 hours, then they can check themselves out unless they are deemed to still be an immediate threat to themselves or others.

It is a about the only way to get a bed in a detox quickly, especially if you don't have insurance that covers mental health/substance abuse issues.

It's a shame, really that inpatient help is so hard to get for anyone in a crisis, whether mental health or substance abuse or whatever.

At any rate, I'd second the recommendations to take her to AA - either give her the ride, or if you can find an open meeting, to go with her. That's something you can do immediately as there are meetings almost every day of the week in many communities. It will also be a good 'litmus test' for just how willing she is to follow through to get better rather than manipulating you.

Do be sure to check on her frequently though - it sounds like she's been a heavy drinker for some time and she may go through physical withdrawls (DT's) and if it gets bad she will need a ride to the Emergency Room and a hospital stay to help her. Come to think of it, that may be the way to get her in a facility - if she is admitted for DTs they can send her directly from the hospital to a facility that does medical detox if necessary.

Good luck and God bless you for being willing to help her.