Am I in the Right, Or am I in the Wrong??? UPDATE Pg. 14)

[Knock Kneed Hen]

You need to remain the one person that demonstrates maturity and class. So this isn't the first time that your spouse has strayed....hmmmm, it does change things a bit. I would think that HE would be the one to refuse since HE is the offender and HE should be scrambling big time to show his allegiance to you. That he doesn't offer himself shows that he really isn't too different from his sister. They don't care about your feelings. People are going to be watching YOU, not "R" and not the bride.

Keep in mind that these family stories never go away. People will be talking about this for years. When your children hear the story you want them to be thinking 'Mom sure handled herself with class. I'm proud of her.' Don't let that lowlife family make you stoop to their level.

IF they have arranged for your husband to be paired up with "R" then it shows truly how insensitive and cruel your SIL is. I would be done with her from there on out. A person can only be expected to take so much and that would be going too far. Your husband sounds very insecure. He also lacks a backbone when it comes to his family. If you don't want them talking to you ever again then just don't show up on that day. Really, your SIL doesn't deserve anything else.

 

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

Quote:
I have no idea about the walking arrangments. I know that my daughter, SILs daughter, and grooms niece are going to be flower girls. And "R" is in the wedding. The only female adult that I know of in the ceremony besides the bride. So if she is the only adult female then I would think that hubby would have to walk with her. I think he is stressing about it too. Because yes, he wont stand up to his mom. "R" isnt the only person who is toxic there. DH mom is very toxic, and putting up with one toxic person is all I can handle. But I have to deal with toxic MIL more often. Lets just say no one will stand up to MIL, she has almost killed my DH before for just saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I know what your thinking, dont go around her at all. But she is very minipulative. We have both tried to stay away from his mom. The last time we did that, she turned us into CSD.. And around here before they investigate, they take the kids away. Two months of court, and proving that what MIL said was a lie, the case was closed. This is more than what I have told many. But figured it would complete the picture. Hence it is the reason my son wont go to bed by himself. MIL has also stole SILs daughter and said that my SIL abondoned her, and she tried to get custody. So after finding out that "R" is there, DH dont want to go. But I know his mom will do some kind of head games thing to get him to go. We moved 30 minutes away to not be around MIL as much. But it is not far enough. I cant wait till DH finds a job in a town farther away. But no luck there yet. Did I mention that MIL has a bad case of OCD that is not medicated.. Oh ya, my fun, very stressful life.

So yes if I dont go it most likely will cause a big stir in DH's family. Would it be so bad if they dont ever talk to me, no not really. The possiblity of MIL doing worse than not talking to me, makes me want to brave going. But really I dont want to go. Already I can barely eat, and the wedding is in 8 days.

 

[Elite Silkies]

That woman is sick! She caused your child emotional problems? Sorry, but I would not tolerate that. You don't mess with my kids, period! I would have beat her from one end of the town to the other.

My MIL tried the controlling crap when she moved to Oklahoma to be around her son. I set her straight from the get go. He moved to Oklahoma from Missouri to put some distance between them, but she eventually followed. She is in her place though, and she knows not to cross me. She tried once, and that was enough for her. She knows what I would do!

Sorry, but I would moving alot further than 30 mintues away. That woman would have no contact with my children.

My husband did not speak to his mother for over a year because I refused to be around her. He chose me and his kids and that's the way it's suppose to be. You do not choose your parents over your spouse and children.

I am currently not speaking to my father, because I chose my husband. If my father can not act right and be a decent person, then he isn't going to be in my life or his grandkids lives.

Sorry, but you need to make your husband decide who's the most important people in his life. If he chooses her, then let him have her. But, my stuff and my kids would packed up and out of there.

I'm just

 

[redhen]

Nuts.. Its all just simply nuts. Really.. >>

There is no need to put up with it... period. Not sure why you are... but thats your business.
Its really all on you at this point. Its your decision, and you have to live with it.

 

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

Elite Silkies,

We have been wanting to get away from here for quiet awhile. 30 minutes away is all we could do. Couldnt find a job farther away. We have been here for 5 years. She said she would follow, but she hasnt. So I think if we get farther away than this, she wont follow. We are trying for a town that is 1 1/2 hours and one that is 3 1/2 hours from her. But still no luck there. If we found a job there it would have to be now. Because we would be living in a tent until we could find a place to live. And it would have to be when the weather is good. If not we are going to have to wait till tax season, then save the money and wait till next summer. I dread living in this county, with the area so full of low lifes and people who thrive off of drama. I guess there is nothing better to do in a town that is only 2,000 people. Thats the town that "R", SIL, and MIL are in.

I have confronted MIL once. It didnt help, just made things worse. But then she is so good at the head games type thing. Im not good at that, I dont know how to do it. I dont manipulate people. I never grew up with that stuff, so I guess she was. I mean she can make any one believe any thing if she wants to.. Grrr.

 

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

Quote:
To me in a marriage, you have to try and try. Dont give up until there is no other way. When things get bad, you dont give up, you try to fix it. Then if that dont work, there is nothing else to do but leave. I grew up with out parents. I dont want my kids to grow up without their parents. So I work real hard to make it work. Just wish DH worked at it as hard as I do. Now putting up with the MIL and now SIL. I just take it with a grain of salt. Actually a whole cup of salt. I mostly just try to ignore the things that bug me. But when put in a spot like I am now. There is no way to just ignore it.

 

[HarlansHollowFarms]

Quote:
Well he is actually mad (or maybe just upset) at me for not going. Not about if he can or cant go. I havent told him not to go.

About having a date at home. How do you get your kids to bed early. I have to put my 4 year old to bed by laying in bed with him. Or he wont go to sleep. I get bored laying there in bed trying to wait for him to fall asleep and I usually fall asleep also. And end up staying asleep for about an hour or two. Oh and how do you pry your DH away from TV or Video Games to spend time with you. We dont have cable. And he is bored with all our movies. So he dont like to watch movies any more.

Hmmm...maybe this is part of the problem, to bad this is a family forum...but, I do not care what my husband is doing, I know how to get his UNDIVIDED attention!

 

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

Several people have said to just get his attention away from the games. I know what your talking about, and I do have an imagination to have an idea of what you guys are thinking. But the last time I tried to get his attention away from his game. He said, "Hey you just got me killed and I almost had a kill streak where he could get an airplane assault. You made me loose points." This is on the Call of Duty game where he plays online against real people.

Maybe his gaming behavior steams from his mother using it as a tool to keep the kids busy so she didnt have to watch them.

 

[HarlansHollowFarms]

Quote:
Or....maybe he is just not that into you.

he seems to have time to write love letters

 

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

Quote:
Or....maybe he is just not that into you.

He used to be, until he got a gaming system that played online.

ETA. Sometimes, I feel like I have wasted a decade of my life. There are more downs than ups. Mostly cause of his mom making trouble for us. By spreading lies about me. Im starting to get tired of it.

The letters were a year and a half ago. But still hurts when the wound is forced open again.