Am I in the Right, Or am I in the Wrong??? UPDATE Pg. 14)

[PineappleMama]

Quote:
No cookies on hand, but I can make you a plate with a burrito, tamale, and tostada.

I still like the birdseed idea... buy (or ask on CL/Freecycle) for a yard or two of tulle, buy a big ol' bag of seed (just the cheap stuff it's not being eaten) and make them up... ribbon or rubber bands... that's a supportive (of the marriage) gesture.... you know, exactly the opposite of what miss sneaky pants is like... you = supportive, loving, honorable person... she = backstabbing bleepity bleep

Not a real pricey thing, but is kinda time consuming so donno if that's possible for you... but it's a thought. And, since you'd be bringing them you'd know who to hand them too... the ones with really great arms... and the other wives... tee hee... actually, you might just find you run out and don't even lob one yourself.

 

[Knock Kneed Hen]

Quote:
That is one of the best ideas I have seen. That way the husband and wife can still go as guest and show a united front, but he won't have to walk down the aisle with R or dance with R or anything!

Yep, this is what I would do. Show up united and cut out early.

 

[lurky]

Quote:
That is one of the best ideas I have seen. That way the husband and wife can still go as guest and show a united front, but he won't have to walk down the aisle with R or dance with R or anything!

Yep, this is what I would do. Show up united and cut out early.

 

[Chickenmaven]

I read all 12 pages of this before chiming in. I am also hearing alot of "I can't"s. You sound beat down & depressed. You MUST take control of your 4 y.o. You MUST take control of your life. It is the only one you have!!!! Girl, you need to take 20 minutes or 5 HOURS and write down what you want, what you desire in this life of yours. You seem to think if you are "good" - if you don't drink or misbehave, if you deliver the lunch & make the beds - that everything will be NICE. I say, "Whatever!!!!" Nobody is gonna read your mind. Nobody!!!!

So write down what you would like to *happen* - positive stuff, not "get away from MIL." That is PASSIVE & REACTIVE. Write down stuff like how you'd want a date night or a vacation. Work to make it happen.

Your hubby drives all over to secure gamer buddies (in your SIL & BIL). That is your wardrobe money!!!! Put the kabosh on that. You run your hubby lunch each day? What? Is he right next door? (I didn't think so!) That is your date night money! Pack his lunch in the a.m. (I do & my hubby is a high paid professional type).

Do you LOVE this man, adore him!?! If the answer is yes, then push*push*push your goals. If you are sticking with this for the kids & security, then your goals should include getting your act together, so you do not have to live like this!!!!! Go back to school or start reading or get a job. I am so worried about you. I know that life is hard & marriage is difficult. I am 20 yrs. in a marriage with a guy who is "a handful." (A difficult, moody, brilliant character...) But, he ADORES me!

Does you hubby ADORE you or does he take you for granted? Think about this. You don't need to act or react to these thoughts. Don't get crazy & kick him out; just let these thoughts simmer & develop.

Oh, yeah, to your original question: You should attend the wedding. Attend, in the graceful & classy way described by others. It is a family event & you should, by rights, attend. The camping is a social and communal event - THAT is what you should skip.

 

[SarahBeth9394]

can we get an update please?

 

[vetgirl00us]

Quote:
This is what I was thinking! In psychology circles it's called learned helplessness. If you are introverted you are gonna get walked all over. You come off as sounding like you are not gonna do anything about it but you want to read everyone's opinion on the matter. You don't SOUND happy with much of anything by your posts- DH doesn't like to do anything but what HE wants to do....that's not a good marriage. I don't have a fabulous track record I have spent years of marriage with the wrong man and then more years of common law with verbally abusive and near physically abusive man. He left me and it nearly killed me because I had made up my mind that it was worth the bad stuff to get to the good stuff. Well walking on eggshells for years wasn't cool. Im a little shy and I get intimidated easily....or used to. After my last relationship broke up I grew some cods and things are different. I will not be treated bad by anybody anymore. Sounds like both of you need a marriage rejuvenation....or a marriage reconsideration. I have been there. You are not helpless, girl! And if it comes down to it....beat "R"'s sassy rear end. Some people can only learn lessons the "hard handed" way..... You can't make hubby want, love or not cheat on you. He will do what he will do because he wants to. If you can't trust him, it's over already, period.

 

[littlefarm_bighappy]

What chickenmaven said.
Straight up. I could be in hell right now (high risk pregnancy, lost a child to stillbirth in Oct, husband dumped me last month, unsupportive family, stupid drama) BUT it is useless and will do my kids no use if i slump and cry.

I know it's hard, and believe me, you have the right to cry and be po'd in private. Just never let THEM see you sweat.

Hubby should not stand up with her. It's unthinkable to even ASK him to do that. Go with him and have a good time. If she moves in, move her out.

Good luck!!

 

[hughmac312]

geez!!!

Does anyone else see a new reality show here or what?

Backyard Chicken Chronicles... or maybe Coop Confessions...

 

[jbowyer01]

Quote:
I so totally agree. Dont run away from the situation! Go at it head on, conduct yourself like a real lady (not some floozy like she evidently is) Have a discussion with Dh before you go about not tolerating anything inappropriate. Show her your the better person!

 

[welsummerchicks]

Only you can decide what suits you best.

If you're going to be miserable the whole time, I think you should not go. I think if that's the case, you could find another time to be with the wedding couple, when 'R' is not going to be around.

On the one hand, I think going to the wedding and acting like nothing happened, it kind of gives the message that you aren't giving her any power over you or letting her take your enjoyment of life away.

I always have puzzled over the 'homewrecker' girls, why they are interested in married men, how they inject themselves into the married relationship, and most puzzling of all, why they drift away after the divorce.

One thing I learned, is that while some men do leave a marriage for another girl, often, once the marriage is over, the 'girlfriend' only really serves as a 'transition' on the way to figuring out what to do next with his life. After the drama of the divoce is over, I think a lot of men lose interest in the 'transition girl'. A lot of times, I think she isn't picked out to be a long term partner, but to be precisely what she is, a transition.

But I also think that many times, the girl is someone who can't stand a committed relationship - I think that is what your R is. She goes away after the divorce because she can't handle, and doesn't want, a long term relationship. A lot of them are afraid of that.

A girl I know had a very long term relationship with a married man from Europe, not quite like R, but I think there is a similarity.

About every six months he'd be here on business, she'd meet him in New York, and talk about how he was leaving his wife, and how they would be together.

I finally figured out, after listening to her complain for years that she wanted him to leave his wife...that this type of relationship was exactly what she wanted. She got a little excitement, she got to feel like she wasn't entirely alone, but she never actually had to make the sacrifices and compromises of having to live closely with someone, or have someone know her more fully, warts and all. There's kind of a safety in not having a full relationship...like the young girls who first get a crush on a movie star, and then the boy next door when they are ready to trust someone more and take that risk. Except the home wrecker, she's never ready to have a full relationship.

That's where I think the 'homewrecker' like R lives. They want to feel that they are wanted, but they don't want to be in a full relationship. And I think a lot of times, they just aren't capable of it. As odd as it sounds, they fear intimacy. Kind of sad...that is, sad if it's not you who's the victim, then it's not so much sad as infuriating.