I grew up with an ill father, he died when I was 9, but the memories of how his illness changed him and how if affected me has stuck in my head. It's a shame because I only knew him as the person his medicine made him, not who he really was. When i got married, my husband became ill shortly after. The medicine he has to take just to keep breathing, changes him. He is on predisone often, mostly lives on it. We decided between his illness and mine we did not want to have a child put through that. We got a lot of harassing from his family. I hated even going to the doctors, as they always acted like I was strange and my internal clock was just ticking away. People always asked a million questions, why didn't we want kids and I got tired of trying to explain it, they were always expecting some medical reason for our decision, but not the one that based our decision. I have never had the maternal urge, never was a doll person, infact if barbie came with a horse, she got dumped in the trash and Trigger and I went off on our imaginary adventures. I have the fear of growing older and having no one visit me, but I think that would be a selfish reason just to have children, hehe. I am always nurturing animals, part of my gift I think, they always find me, LOL. So I am not a heartless person, I love watching kids and they too are drawn to talk to me for some reason. I don't always smile because of TMJ trouble, but kids see past that and smile at me. My mind may change who knows, but sometimes I feel like an outcast because when people find out I don't have children they treat me different. Sometimes I feel like I'm "not normal".... and why don't I have those feelings like most people do? Anyone else have these problems?