I totally understand. The loss of a child never really leaves you. Every morning you wake up and know you are missing one. Every time a holiday comes around you think "I wonder what it would be like with them?" The first year when you can barely breath every waking moment of the day, and suddenly realize that even though your world has stopped everyone else has moved on. It took me two years before I was any semblance of normal again. Thank god for
The Compassionate Friends or I don't know what I would have done. I too feel much more fragile for the experience. I hope you had lots of support in your life and good friends. How old would your son be today?