At my wits end with my 3 year old

[hilareee]

i know no one here wants any backlash about spanking, but i believe with all my heart that there are better ways to get a child's attention than causing them pain. i'm not a mother, but i could never NEVER raise my hand to a defenseless child, no matter how insubordinately he/she was behaving. i was probably spanked once or twice, but for the most part i was well behaved. my older brothers were threatened, and spanked, with a wooden spoon, or soap in the mouth.

my middle brother always spoke to his son in a very calm and rational way, even when he was a baby. this amazing, now 18 year old has never needed discipline because just explaining right and wrong to him in a way that showed him respect was enough.

my eldest brother has smaller kids, and a shorter fuse. time-outs are usually all it takes. they will even go into time-out on their own when they know they've done something inappropriate.

just my thoughts...

h

 

[xchairity_casex]

when i was babysitting 9a 3 year old and a newborn) his mother would always scream at the older child and yell and swat his behind. i never had to do this it really is unnessasary . i agree with DAR thats exactly what i used to do minus the privlage taking i also did this with my nephew when he was little. if he insisted on screaming or yelling he was calmly put in his room. if the left i would walk over and put them right backn into there rooms or make them sit on the couch if they got off the couch i would walk over and set them back on the couch they would scream,shout,cry,yell i hate you i hate you kick,flail.hit even try to bite and pinch dont yell dont scream be calm and collected. after about two weeks of being consistant doing this if my nephew and the little boy i babysat named aiden would scream or yell all i would have to do is point to the room and say "go and do not come out untill your willing to be sensable" and without throwing a fit they would go into there room and just chill out on the bed for a while of coarse they would ussually begin to cry when i told them to go to there room but not scream or shout.
also i allowed them to scream and shout while in there room sometimes it does help kids to yell so i would tell them if you want to yell go to room and yell.

kids are differant just becuase one didnt throw tantrums doesnt mean another wont. me and my sister were only 4 years apart we grew up with the same rules same parents ect but when my sister was a newborn she wouldnt sleep unless she was rocked to sleep when i was a newborn my mom always said that her and my dad were sooo frustrated becuase for weeks and weeks i would cry and cry and nothing worked that had worked with my sister what worked with me was when i was tierd and cried all they had to do was lie me in my bed and i would instantly quit crying and go to sleep.

when my sister was 2-5 she was a neat freak all her dolls and toys had to be put away in there speciel place when i was the same ages i never liked picking up my toys

when my sister was 2 she adored wearing dresses and getting lots of attention she wanted to spin and twilr in front of crowds of people.
when i was 2 i would scream if my mom tried putting me in a dress and i would hide from people and would throw a fit when a person i didnt know would come up to talk to me

my sister was allowed to go into kindergarten when she was 4 becuase of how smart she was she walked early on and she loved to talk
when i was 4 even though i excelled in many ways my sister did i was not allowed to advance becuase i refused to talk to people and never even began talking untill i was 3 years old.

2 little girls growing up with the same mom and dad in the same household sameeverything but turned out very very differantly

 

[navasima]

Quote:
hilaree: The phrase "I'm not a mother, but" is key here. I spent a lot of time with my 4 nephews, other children , had a degree in early childhood education and taught all ages for years before I had my daughter. The old cliche - It's different when they're yours - is absolutely true.

SaraFair - My daughter is almost 3 and while I know that she is a really great kid, there are times when I swear I'm going to put a curb alert on Craig's List! A spanking in our house is 1 smack on the bum. Honestly - 9 times out of 10, I just need to suggest that as an option. "do you need a spanking to remember not to do that or do you want to remember with your brain?" She does tend to choose to remember without the spanking.

For a week or two we got a lot of -I hate you! Thanks Nemo!! (If you haven't seen it - Nemo says this to his Dad.) The best advice given me was that getting into an argument with a toddler is pointless. I'm a pretty laid back mom, but I've found that telling her - 'This is unacceptable behavior and I don't want to talk with a little girl that does this.' and turning to walk away has been the most effective screech to a halt behavior stopper here. I too have left stores mid-shop after warning that the current behavior would mean we had to go. The first time you don't follow through...you're doomed!! I cast my vote with the moms who posted before me!! There is a huge difference between spanking and abuse! Firm, consistant, consequences - aptly put!!

Hang in there!!

Someday we'll look back on all this....and barf!

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

Time outs always worked wonderfully for my brother and I. The key here is to follow through if you say they will go to time out. Give him a warning, explain why he will go to time out, and the next time he acts up, send him there. We never dared to leave the room once we were sent there. When we were young, five minutes felt like a whole lifetime! If he does leave the room, put him back in until he stays for five minutes. Don't yell when he leaves, just calmly take him and put him back. I also like Dar's idea about taking something away. Does he have a favorite toy or cup? My parents would threaten to take away our favorite toy or blanket. They rarely had to enforce because we were so scared of having it taken away.

If he calls you a meanie, sometimes it helps to explain why you are asking him to do what you asked and asking him to tell why he thinks this is unfair. Little kids like when their opinions are valued so if you talk to them in a calm manner, it will work better than getting upset and screaming at them. I notice little kids just tune you out as soon as you lose control. (Not actually you, but people in general!)

That age is tough though. But stick to your guns and stay calm! My parents were ALWAYS more frightening when they were calm. My dad rarely had to discipline us because my mom could be scary enough. I have always had a wonderful relationship with my mom though, which is probably why it was so scary when she got mad!

 

[xchairity_casex]

Quote:
i agree with you for the most part i would say about 98 percent of kids all you need is to use your mind on them BUT i think in the very rare instance where a child has been allowed to get away with whatever they want hitting,biteing,screaming,trying to hurt people for no reason or animals i think a kid like that needs a woopin. i met a kid once i was asked to babysit him he was about 7 years old and the WORST his mom and dad didnt belive in discipline really or they were atleast not firm enough he would pick up his little sister who was 8 months and throw her on the floor for his own amusement they had a kitten he would pick up by the throat and if you told him that he was hurting the kitten he would call you a "whiney (bleep)" im sorry but that child NEEDED nothing less then a bare bottom whoopin then after that whoopin he needed a good talking to

 

[cravenchx]

I only had to spank my oldest 3 times, and my youngest
twice. I didn't like to do it, but it did teach them to listen.
Never do it in anger!, and only ONE warning. The worse
thing is to threaten and never carry thru. As far as picking
up a child and leaving a store......never did that. I am the
adult, and I will leave when my shopping is done. That, IMHO,
just lets the child know, if they pitch a fit, they can get their way.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
i agree with you for the most part i would say about 98 percent of kids all you need is to use your mind on them BUT i think in the very rare instance where a child has been allowed to get away with whatever they want hitting,biteing,screaming,trying to hurt people for no reason or animals i think a kid like that needs a woopin. i met a kid once i was asked to babysit him he was about 7 years old and the WORST his mom and dad didnt belive in discipline really or they were atleast not firm enough he would pick up his little sister who was 8 months and throw her on the floor for his own amusement they had a kitten he would pick up by the throat and if you told him that he was hurting the kitten he would call you a "whiney (bleep)" im sorry but that child NEEDED nothing less then a bare bottom whoopin then after that whoopin he needed a good talking to

No, that child needed a shrink and long term therapy.

 

[Glenmar]

My parents would likely have washed my mouth out with soap if I stuck my tounge out at them.
Bet that would work.

 

[TigerLilly]

Quote:
and THAT right there is the REAL answer you're looking for!

 

[heatherindeskies]

Quote:
I LOVE the way you think! Bad actions get consequences and you follow through. There is too much wussy parenting going on where the child is just talked to without consequences!