At my wits end with my 3 year old

[NovaAman]

If my boys need a spanking, a good swat on the tush with my HAND is all I usually need. They hurt them selves a whole lot more than that swat does. Mostly it just hurts their pride. That being said... After the first swat or two, they remember that they don't like it, and just the threat of getting another will put a stop to their bad behavior. I have boys... 2 and 5. They are wonderful kids, and I love them to high heaven. I believe that how they are disciplined as young children really does shape how they grow. Sometimes telling/explaining to them why what they are doing is naughty works. Sometimes it doesn't. I only swat when explaining and time outs do not work. I warn them that it will happen if the behavior doesn't cease. I explain that there are consequences to bad behavior. My 5 yr old gets it. My 2 yr old is just starting to hit the stage of being poopoo headed. He however, gets the big croc tears the minute you start to discipline him... LOL. He thinks I am a sucker for tears... But consistency is key. Even when you are at your wits end. I'd maybe not let them play with the neighbor kids. If they are being a bad influence on them... My kids do not stick their tongues out at me. They do not call me a meanie. They do not know those things. Those things do not occur in my house. Sometimes you may need a time out at the same time as your kiddo... Thats when you breath... Just breath deep.

 

[welasharon]

Quote:
I just didn't read any further than your post...there was no need. If more parents were like you and taught consequences like that with immediate consequences...the prisons would be empty! I bet you never counted to three either did you???? I told my daughters if I EVER heard them counting to three I would slap them then and there.
I knew I liked you Dar!
sharon

 

[Reyvaughn]

Quote:
x2
My dad spanked me. I had my mouth washed out with soap. I was put on the wall for hours. I was made to do hard labor and I had chores. My mom tells me I wasn't even a bad child. I was raised to respect my elders and I was raised that a child was meant to be seen and not heard. Oh, how I wish we could go back to that golden era because I seriously believe the way kids are raised and negotiated with now days is why today's kids are so... Well, my description of the kids today are not kid appropriate. People ask what's wrong with the youth of today... Um, look at how they are raised.

I am 30yrs old with a 7 and a 9 year old (very near 8 and 10 now). They get a count to three as their warning. After that, they get put on the wall. If that doesn't work, I spank. My kids do not misbehave in public. Never had I had a temper tantrum or a screaming kid in a store. I have well behaved kids in restaurants - so much so that both kids have earned money from complete strangers that were in awe of how well behaved they were. They know mom means business and I am not afraid to give them a good spank in the middle of the store (which I believe embarrasses them more than it hurts). I don't believe my day and my plans should be interrupted by having to leave a store. Gas is to pricey and I don't have a lot of time to do the errands I have to do. I leave once a week for the major running and have less than 3hrs to do it all.

My son is severely ADHD. He's occasionally mean to animals, he's very, very mean to his sister and his spontaneous nature always has him in trouble at home. You'd never know it in public. His doctor couldn't believe I was bringing him in to have him medicated because he sat calmly the entire appointment. The shrink the doctor sent us to saw the other side of him because I wasn't in the room with him.

I once had to endure standing behind a mother in Walmart while her 3-4 year old son hung off the side of the cart shaking it violently and screaming about not wanting to take nap when they got home. Mom was very calm and stood there negotiating with him! I had to hear this for over 15 minutes and see him go from shaking the cart to rolling around on the floor screaming. I almost asked her who the parent was, because she obviously had no control over the situation.

Just last week some little jerk told off my 91yr old great grandfather. The kid was doing around 55-60 down an unmarked, single lane, dirt road and my great grandfather yelled for him to slow down. He stops a ways up the road and yells back to him to go sit his lazy butt on his rocking chair and collect his SSI check that his mom and dad has to pay for. My great grandfather may be 91 but that man works more now at his age than I have in the last 5yrs. He manages a small orchard of apples and pears (he actually has a couple of self grown hybrids he spliced himself), 3 large 30x40 gardens, a small vineyard of grapes and blackberries, he mows his own grass, he chops and splits all his own firewood by hand every year, he cans food for himself and many of our family members... Not that his finances are anyone's business, but none of his money is from Social Security and he doesn't have Medicare. That little POS's parents more than likely raised him just as lax as 80-90% of the child population these days. There is just no respect these days...

I could rant about 'parents' and the miscreants they are raising all day... But, I will stop here.

 

[xchairity_casex]

my sister needs to learn some parenting skills she lets my nephew get away with everything. and she started getting after me for discplining him. her way is to spank,spank,spank,spank,spank my way he listend to her way he now hits her back becuase thats what hes learned to do when he doestn like somthing

 

[SarahFair]

Soap... that is a neat way to get him to stop.
Now that I think about it I had to use it on my oldest a couple times (dont remember what for, but it must have only been a couple times cause I didnt remember till now!)


This kid just doesnt take to timeouts well. Hell sit in them and then go right back to doing it.
Or just wait till my attention is on something else and go at it again

Hes a sneek.
Doesnt mean I dont cont. to put him in one (hes sitting in one right now actaully)

I love him for who he is though.



My MIL has them usually one night a weekend and I have seen her try to reason with them.
'ASHTON! Stop yelling! Here want some bubble gum?!?!'
At first I tried just smiling it off and walking out of the room but lately my SO, FIL, and BIL have all noticed its just making them worse and will all step in.
We went out to dinner and my kids wanted to gorge themselves on rolls. I told them they could have one each and no more unless they finish all their dinners. What did my kids do?'
Waited till I was mid convo with someone else and asked MeMaw 'Memaw can we have a roll?'
She went to hand them one and I said 'BEAU! What did I tell you?!'
Memaw pipes in 'Oh, its just one roll...'
FIL chimes in 'No Deborah! She said they were to eat their dinner first.'

Yeah, her pride was hurt a little but I am the parent!
Slowly I think shes getting it

But Ill try the soap today.

 

[Southernbelle]

I don't spank mine, but my 2nd child was like your 2nd - I wanted to beg God for mercy! I'm the only parent I know that has literally had to extract a child from a ceiling fan. When I would put him in time out in his room (at 4 years old), he kicked the door so hard and so often that he displaced the frame from the wall. Once I put him in time-out in his room and he climbed out the window and came in the front door. What do you do with a kid like that?!

I put him in time-out in a chair and set a timer. The time varied depending on the severity of the crime. If he talked, whined, complained or screamed - time got added. He used to scoot the chair all over the dining room, so I made the chair straddle the threshold of the kitchen and dining room and if a chair-leg crossed the line - more time got added. If he got up, I put him back and more time got added. When the time was up, we talked about what went wrong. I was extremely firm and consistant and in the beginning he had some long time outs, but he straigtened up. It came to a point, I just had to give him a look and ask if he wanted a time out and he would cease and desist immediately. Let them know you mean business and you will follow up no matter what. If he misbehaved in a store, I left the store and he would get a long time out at home. Sometimes if he was in a full-on tantrum, I had to put him in his room for time-out and talk when he was calmer.

Now he's 9-years-old, a straight-A student, enrolled in the Gifted program, almost a black-belt in karate and the star of his soccer team. He is a model of good behavior in public; he has never been disciplined in school, the karate teacher uses him as an example and he never brags or celebrates when he scores a goal in soccer. He still acts up at home sometimes and now that he's older, we usually take away privledges like TV time, computer time and game systems.

Something I should mention...he was diagnosed ADHD not long after starting school. Not a huge surprise, it runs rampant on my side of the family, his sister and I are ADD as well. After a while, we made the difficult decision to medicate and a lot of the impulsive and difficult behaviors stopped.

 

[tdgill]

my cousin used to yell and be miserable with inner ear problems

 

[vfem]

Now, each child is different. Not because of you, or how you raise them. What you do is a large part, but don't blame yourself... outside influence happens and you just can't control what they pick up. Of course, the good news is, this is temporary! He's in a testing phase. My daughter had a short phase of crying whenever she heard the word NO, it only went on for about 2 weeks and then ended, but she picked it up from one of my friend's kids who still does this regularly and has been acting out like this for a year or so now since her parents divorced. I'm not one to 'judge' but they feel guilty for breaking up and effecting her life, so they both don't 'yell' or 'punish' her without discussing it with one another. To each their own... but I don't think they're plan is working!

Though I think you have a good thing being calm and reminding him to say "May I please?" and not responding by acting in a childish manner. If you feel you need to add a decent punishment in, go for it. Just think of something that will balance out what he's doing. I have different punishment for different things with my daughter. Giving her a 'time out' for everything she does wrong is just too much. Most the time it doesn't work, only when it's something small. Sometimes she's in her room, other times she losses the TV from her list of things she can do that day, and sometimes the 'cookie' she was hoping for after lunch has been lost and replaced some carrots because she got mouthy about food.

My DD is 4 by the way, and I understand you can't really rationalize with a 3 yr old. In most cases, he's just testing your reactions until he gets one he REALLY doesn't like and stops. Of course, by then... he'll pick up another habit or saying or thing you don't like to test you more! LOL

 

[SarahFair]

Quote:

I cant put him in his room because he either A) Kicks the door like you said or B) Will just jump out the window
I think we FINALLY have a handle on the window thing.

I KNOW we are going to have to deal with some kind of ADD or ADHD from him. I dont want to medicate him..
All that stuff makes me sad

He can start ball in the spring but Im not sure I want to subject the coaches to that.
There is always that ONE kid on a team ...hes going to be that kid, I just know it.
Its sad because he is frustrated to see his brother get on the bus to go to school and getting to play ball. He wants to do something SO badly

We try to explain when he gets in trouble 'Asthon, you can not act this way if you want to play ball or go to school. You have to straighten up and prove youre going to be a good boy before you go'

 

[Czech's_chicks]

Our oldest boy O has ASD/Asperger's Syndrome. He could give lessens on the most inappropriate public behavior. At 13, he was recently recorded (for the therapist to view), picking his nose in the waiting room at the doctor's office. He also ate it

At any given time, he will have what is referred to as a melt down, which can included screaming at the top of his lungs, whaling (boy we can't wait for puberty to hit) throwing things to include chairs or books, screaming at us that we hate him, etc.

With the violent behaviors, we have to intervene, however with the other acting out, he KNOWS it is not proper and you can see the twinkle in his eye as he is about to engage. We ignore it, and him at times. The only effective means of coping are to remove his games.

That being said, with a 3yo, you don't have much to barter with...but one thing I have found that is universal from the youngest @ 6 to the oldest @ 22, if you don't make a big deal about it, the behavior usually stops. It's more the attention factor that compels them.

OR if you do it back to show that it has no impact, interest may be lost.

honestly, I can't wait for my daughter to bring my grandson over because he is 'out of control'...more time for me

Good luck. I know this can be a trying time. 5HTP works wonders for helping calm your mood as well as SAMe - both are awesome non medicinal ways to help bring us back down to a world that isn't so bad.