At my wits end with my 3 year old

[SarahFair]

Quote:

I know thats right!
Ahh! Kids are never ending...

But sometimes the things they do (even in they arent right) are kinda funny. Of corse I dont let them see this..
The SO and I will look at each other and just die.


I have found that if I give him an ultimatum (Ashton, you can either pick up that mess you just made or you can come sit in time out)
Guess which he chooses?
Love those little glimmers of hope

 

[teach1rusl]

Find what works for him discipline-wise. My brother used spankings with my nephew, and it was a waste. The boy acted out OFTEN, and received spankings OFTEN. It didn't correct a thing...he'd be up and at-em a minute later. A time-out (and groundings when he was a little older) would have had a much greater impact on that boy, because he was a mover and a shaker. Sitting him down, forcing him to calm down and think about what he was doing would have been torture...lol. So that's what they should have done.
Meanwhile my son, a year older than the cousin I just talked about, was crushed if he got a spanking (he recieved very few). Timeout's were mostly used, and they worked with him 99% of the time - he'd calm down and recognize that he needed to "fix" his behavior.
Timeouts work with some. Taking things away works with others. Others need a spanking. What worked with one of your children may not work with this one.
Meanwhile, hang in there.

If you're consistent in your discipline and expectations, this will just be a phase.

 

[Ridgerunner]

We all have different styles and each kid is so different from his/her siblings. It is hard being a good parent. As you know, you have to be consistent and find what works for you.

You cannot reason with a child that age. It will not work. You should explain what you are doing when appropriate, but you are the parent. "Because I said so" is a perfectly valid reasonable explanation.

A quick story. One boy (7 years old at the time) would not dress himslf to meet the school bus on time. I had already left for work when it was time and the bus came right by our front door. My wife tossed him and his clothes on the front porch. It was amazing how fast he could get his clothes on when he really wanted to. A couple of days later, he did test her again. He and his clothes were on the front porch again. No argument, no discussion, and no hesitation. After that, he dressed himself on time.

With one boy, timeouts worked well. With another older boy, taking his electronic toys away was about the only thing that got his attention. Good luck on finding the keys that work for you.

 

[ChikeeMomma]

Quote:
We approach our kids in the same way. I haven't had to cancel a party or anything, but along the same lines. It takes persistence, especially with a two or three year old. We do not put up with bad behavior. My children are not perfect -- no one is -- but I am happy with the little human beings that they are becoming.

I am not against spankings and do that when needed. When I say when needed, it is a rarity around here. If you do it too much, it does not work. Our nephew is spanked and screamed at daily and it means nothing to him. Our kids are 4 and almost 8. I have found that spanking only works until about the age of 5. I am not irrate when I spank and it's generally one or two spats on the butt.

I am all for the taking a belonging(s) away until they really get it. If you cannot behave, then you loose one favorite toy for a specified period. If the behavior continues another, etc. It has always worked great for us. Once our kids have settled and apologized (without my asking for it), we talk about it (always calmly, kindly) one more time so that they understand. And, don't think that a three or four year old can't sincerely apologize without prompting! It can be done -- it's all in the way you handle/teach your kids. Hang in there momma!

 

[ChickenAlgebra]

My tried and effective method for sticking the tounge out - oh dear your tounge doesn't fit in your mouth anymore, time to take medicine. Put ACV in a medicine bottle and would dose them. Took a few doses, and those tounges stay in their mouths.

Other than that, he's 3. A 3 y/o is STUBBORN. I'll take a herd of 2 y/os vs a single 3 y/o. Overall, mine do better if they THINK they have an option - you may pick up the mess or you may sit in your room. You can stop doing whatever obnoxious action that they know better than to do or you may sit in your room. Then, when they choose to keep up with whatever, march them to their room, shut the door, and walk away. They will "sneak" out, I don't chase, I grab on a run by, march them back to their room and take something out. Repeat as needed.

My 3 y/o now is just the quiet, well mannered child because she didn't get away with crap when she started it. She learned very quickly she didn't like ACV and she didn't like sitting in her room with no toys, so she mostly remembers to behave. In public, she's still a little too shy to run too far from me, and doesn't like to cause a fuss because she did one time and I just said "My, look at all the people staring at you throwing a fit." EEP! She did NOT like that at all.

 

[Raiquee]

My 3 year old is good...but he was good when he was 2, too! I started time outs with him when he was 1. Bad behavior, stuck him in his high chair, turned it in the corner and walked out of the room. Want to throw a fit? Fine, you can stand in the corner and do it by yourself.

I do spank my 3 year old occassionally. Sometimes kids need to be spanked. Like when he chucked a toy at his 5 month old brother. Yeah, that deserves a spanking. Hasn't done it since. It's not "beating" him or anything. Its my hand, and really i'm surprised if it feels anything more than a tap on his butt after the jeans and underwear barrier. He doesn't misbehave in stores. In fact he points to screaming kids and says "mama whats wrong?" and I simply say "They are being naughty, and I'm very proud that you aren't!" I get complimented a lot on my kids behavior in public. I don't go "if your good in the store you get a cookie", no...you should be good in the store no matter what. I shouldn't have to bribe you. I was also given EASY kids, laid back mellow little things. I know some kids are far more rambuntious in nature and therefore harder to settle down.

Personally my 3 year old doesn't know what sticking his tounge out means, meanie means, anything like that. The word hate has never left his mouth. If he stuck his tongue out at me I'd probably pinch his cheeks together and say "Do not give your mama that face, now you can go in time out until you are done being sassy!" I'd say it rather sharply, it would probably scare him.

Although I like the ACV trick, or maybe a lemon. Everytime she sticks her tongue out she has to put a slice of lemon on her tongue. Thats a good trick.

As for kids climbing out windows and kicking walls? Sounds like that kid needs to be strapped in somewhere. Hello carseat

Stick em in the car in time out. Roll down the windows, of course. Nothing like making an off the wall kid hate more than forced to sit still. hehe.

 

[vfem]

Quote:

I know thats right!
Ahh! Kids are never ending...

But sometimes the things they do (even in they arent right) are kinda funny. Of corse I dont let them see this..
The SO and I will look at each other and just die.


I have found that if I give him an ultimatum (Ashton, you can either pick up that mess you just made or you can come sit in time out)
Guess which he chooses?
Love those little glimmers of hope

You know, I really stand by ultimatums! Kids like choices, but more then 2 choices at that age is overwhelming and causes more problems then they solve. Just like you, I do the "This or that?" option only and it works GREAT!

My daughter wants a snack... she gets my husband to show her like 20 options and then 15 minutes later she still hasn't decided, gets overwhelmed and becomes upset. I give her the "you can have the strawberries, or the crackers. Pick one." option and we're done and moved on in less then a minute.

 

[weeders n feeders]

The sleepless infant. The needy toddler. Terrible twos. HORRIBLE threes. And I won't even go into the teenagers. It's a wonder the population continues to grow.
Seriously though its all just a stage and you and they will get through it. For the tongue thing I kept a little spary bottle of soap water handy or if I was quick enough i'd pinch the tongue litely and hold it for a minute. That stage didn't last too long after that.
The name calling and screaming - timeouts and taking away things may help. But what I found to be the best was thinking about the whys of the actions. If he's got bullying friends then those friends have to go. I generally found though that most stages were really a shift in their strive for independence and growing up bt they just aren't sure yet how to deal with it. Giving my kids more responsibilities and things to do to help me was one of the best things I found to alter their behavior. Believe it or not many times bad behavior turned into good by giving them a wrag and told to clean the floor. Followed by me helping them make a batch of cookies. Often it is attention they want and even you putting them into time out is giving them attention. Better to put the focus somewhere else. Of course they cannot be sticking out the tongue and calling names while you are naming cookies so you kinda have to use judgement. Pay attention to what was going on before the bad behavior. Often I found that there were things I could avoid that were triggers. Like the phone rings and they start a fight. Me getting rushed in a store always brought on a fit. Telling them to go play while I did the dishes. My alterations- if I have to take the call walk outside eighths hone and let the duke out. On shopping trips they have their own list(pictures if they're not reading) of things they need to put in the buggy. Let them wash or help with the dishes (yea maybe I had to rewash later and definitely had to mop up the floor afterward but everyone was happier in the end.

You will get through it. Just keep saying that about a gazillion time a day. If you say it enough it will eventually happen

 

[Acre of Blessings]

Quote:
Agree, but to get a bar of soap in a childs mouth is challenging, so I find that a lil' bitty squirt of dish detergent does really good.

{{{waiting for the book to be thrown at me}}}

 

[Dar]

Quote:
Agree, but to get a bar of soap in a childs mouth is challenging, so I find that a lil' bitty squirt of dish detergent does really good.

{{{waiting for the book to be thrown at me}}}

lol i have pump hand soap for a reason