Boss-to-English Translator:
What your boss says and what he really means
Do you ever feel a trip to your boss's office is like a trip to a foreign country? Nice view, but no "speaka-de-English?" In order to ensure that none of the buck passing, put- downing, or one- upping is lost in translation, make sure to bring along this cheat sheet so you know what the big enchilada is really trying to say.
"Great job on the report!..."
Translation: "But, I'll be taking credit for your work."
"Let me give you some broadstroke ideas and you can fill in the rest..."
Translation: "I still haven't learned how to create an Excel document."
"Headquarters has assured me we will not be affected by the merger..."
Translation: "You are going to be fired."
"I'm not sure if what you are suggesting is in alignment with our core competencies..."
Translation: " I don't really understand or like it - so it aint gonna happen...."
"This office is a family and my door is always open if you ever need to powwow with Papa Bear...."
Translation: "I won't really be listening, and I don't really care. But, I have to say that crap..."
"I'll be out of the office for a couple hours with senior management, but you can reach me on my mobile."
Translation: "I'm playing golf."
"I'll be off-site and unreachable for the rest of the afternoon."
Translation: "I'm playing golf and I expect to be very, very drunk."
"I think we should order in some lunch for the team."
Translation: "Man we're gonna look good because of your back breaking efforts - but no one gets any recognition for it. And no raises. Enjoy your pizza."
"I don't want to have to micromanage this whole operation!"
Translation: "I'm the boss. It doesnt mean I actually know how to things."
"This came down from up top."
Translation: "You're getting shafted on this one...."
"I can't give you an answer at this moment. Let me survey the situation and see what we can leverage out of it."
Translation: "This could be good and I cant figure out how to get some of the credit for it yet - I need time!"
"It's good to see you take such bold initiative!"
Translation: "You are a threat to me and I know I should have thought of that myself. And you still get no raise."
"I'll think about it."
Translation: "I'll tell you NO in an e-mail, long after I've left the office."
"Did you finish those projections I asked you about on Friday?"
Translation: "I completely forgot to ask you about the projections on Friday, and I'm hoping your memory is even worse than mine."
"This is a very sensitive issue."
Translation: "Man, was this a royal screw up! I may need you to shred some documents."
"Let's push the boundaries on this one. We need something really innovative! Throw out the conventions, I want something edgy!"
Translation: "Present only ideas I can relate to. I wouldn't know what to do with innovation if my life depended on it."
"We're going to be pulling some long hours and I'll be right here with the rest of you."
Translation: "My home life is miserable."
"I hate to be the bearer of bad news."
Translation: "Disappointing you is the only pleasure I have left in this crappy job."
What your boss says and what he really means
Do you ever feel a trip to your boss's office is like a trip to a foreign country? Nice view, but no "speaka-de-English?" In order to ensure that none of the buck passing, put- downing, or one- upping is lost in translation, make sure to bring along this cheat sheet so you know what the big enchilada is really trying to say.
"Great job on the report!..."
Translation: "But, I'll be taking credit for your work."
"Let me give you some broadstroke ideas and you can fill in the rest..."
Translation: "I still haven't learned how to create an Excel document."
"Headquarters has assured me we will not be affected by the merger..."
Translation: "You are going to be fired."
"I'm not sure if what you are suggesting is in alignment with our core competencies..."
Translation: " I don't really understand or like it - so it aint gonna happen...."
"This office is a family and my door is always open if you ever need to powwow with Papa Bear...."
Translation: "I won't really be listening, and I don't really care. But, I have to say that crap..."
"I'll be out of the office for a couple hours with senior management, but you can reach me on my mobile."
Translation: "I'm playing golf."
"I'll be off-site and unreachable for the rest of the afternoon."
Translation: "I'm playing golf and I expect to be very, very drunk."
"I think we should order in some lunch for the team."
Translation: "Man we're gonna look good because of your back breaking efforts - but no one gets any recognition for it. And no raises. Enjoy your pizza."
"I don't want to have to micromanage this whole operation!"
Translation: "I'm the boss. It doesnt mean I actually know how to things."
"This came down from up top."
Translation: "You're getting shafted on this one...."
"I can't give you an answer at this moment. Let me survey the situation and see what we can leverage out of it."
Translation: "This could be good and I cant figure out how to get some of the credit for it yet - I need time!"
"It's good to see you take such bold initiative!"
Translation: "You are a threat to me and I know I should have thought of that myself. And you still get no raise."
"I'll think about it."
Translation: "I'll tell you NO in an e-mail, long after I've left the office."
"Did you finish those projections I asked you about on Friday?"
Translation: "I completely forgot to ask you about the projections on Friday, and I'm hoping your memory is even worse than mine."
"This is a very sensitive issue."
Translation: "Man, was this a royal screw up! I may need you to shred some documents."
"Let's push the boundaries on this one. We need something really innovative! Throw out the conventions, I want something edgy!"
Translation: "Present only ideas I can relate to. I wouldn't know what to do with innovation if my life depended on it."
"We're going to be pulling some long hours and I'll be right here with the rest of you."
Translation: "My home life is miserable."
"I hate to be the bearer of bad news."
Translation: "Disappointing you is the only pleasure I have left in this crappy job."
