Breaking the Law, Breaking the Law

[TheBlueShepard]

Umm...yeah, No.

Your satire fell flat. Proposing illegal activities against another on a public forum is neither satire nor well received.

........... Satire.

 

[ShannonR]

Stash your chickens with a helpful neighbor and their coop, pass the inspection, then bring your chickens back. Then check the ordinances for as many violations as you can find on your problem neighbor, send her a letter by certified mail entailing each and every one of those violations with fines and a grand total, without communicating any overt threat or condition. Covertly place some attractants (bacon grease works well) at the edge of her property and call aninal control officers every time a neighborhood stray is remotely in the area, blaming her for it. Maintain anonymity and plausible deniability. If she has pets and they are ever off her property, put out greasy messy foods for them to get into. Every time you hear a strange noise from anywhere remotely near her house, or haven't seen her in a day or so, call in an anonymous concern for her wellbeing and ask the police to check on her. If she doesn't have cameras, put fertilizer in random, irregualr places in her grass while she's not home. Keep up these tactics for at least a full business week, then in personal conversation (if you happen to have one) let her know that you will continue to make her life the valley of the shadow of death if she ever messes with you or anything that is yours again. Then if she still gives you a problem, unleash the code enforcement officer.

I'm in love with you after this post..... lol you've been through this before haven't you?

 

[Kris5902]

I would work on moving the chickens or applying for a variance ASAP, then move on to looking over her property for bylaw violations, as I am occasionally petty that way. It sounds like her shrubbery might be in violation for blocking the sightlines creating a traffic hazard. Perhaps her grass is overlength? I’ve seen houses cited for that, and if they don’t cut it, the city does and sends a bill, (city workers here are very highly paid). Does the dilapidated fence pose an insurance risk? I draw the line at vandalism of lawn, attracting pest animals, and feeding inappropriate materials to pets though. And do you really want to start a neighbor war?

My grandfathers neighbor objected to his (legal) large Newfoundland Dog “Joey” and threw a poisioned steak over the fence, this was heartbreaking for our family, as Joey was a sweet, loving, cherished pet that migrated west with the family across the country. Neighbor just didn’t like big dogs because of some personal reason.

Definition of “satire” from dictionary.com

satire
[ sat-ahyuh r ]
noun
1: the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.

2: a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and viceare held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
a literary genre comprising suchcompositions.

I think you missed the mark there a little. @TheBlueShepard . Though I do see where you’re coming from. Read “a modest proposal” by Jonathan Swift for an excellent example of good satire.

Edit to add: you would need to be more absurd and excessive, if you were aiming for that kind of shock/satire... you were too reasonable sounding in both the tone and the suggestions and thus people are inclined to take it at face value, creating the controversy/misunderstanding. The tone can be reasonable if the content is absurd enough

 

[Ghosty]

Move to the country. Make sure to buy a place with no close neighbors, or way out in bfe where you can scream for miles.

 

[Willowspirit]

Your neighbor is elderly, right? I won’t say anything about her temperament but I’m thinking her property is a mess because she can’t fix it physically herself and she can’t afford to pay someone else. Kindness and help and maybe some eggs might go a long way.

 

[ShannonR]

Maybe the OP just needs some house chickens. Or emotional support chickens?

I can say that my city once sent a letter about the number of animals on the acreage I was living at being too high. But there was no follow up, and I didn't comply with them. I may have been fined for that, don't remember, but didn't comply with that either. Sometimes these ordinances are all bark and no bite, there aren't really teeth behind them. Depends on the place and your situation though

 

[Kris5902]

Those aren’t chickens... they are very fat cockatiels! Sorry, I had to!

 

[Willowspirit]

The bottom line is sadly the OP is breaking the law and admits it. She is the one who has put her little flock in jeopardy and now she must get rid of them. Her hands are not clean in that sense. Sometimes when you skate on the edge of a bowl of chocolate you fall in. I am dismayed to see people here advocating vandalism and cruelty toward the neighbor who has a right not to live next to chickens. Everyone should consider how they would feel if a new neighbor moved in and put something in her yard you can’t abide. For me in suburbia it would be pigs.

 

[TheBlueShepard]

I'm in love with you after this post..... lol you've been through this before haven't you?

Unfortunately, yes, but from the position of the code enforcement officer. I have never experienced this as the chicken owner.

 

[TheBlueShepard]

I would work on moving the chickens or applying for a variance ASAP, then move on to looking over her property for bylaw violations, as I am occasionally petty that way. It sounds like her shrubbery might be in violation for blocking the sightlines creating a traffic hazard. Perhaps her grass is overlength? I’ve seen houses cited for that, and if they don’t cut it, the city does and sends a bill, (city workers here are very highly paid). Does the dilapidated fence pose an insurance risk? I draw the line at vandalism of lawn, attracting pest animals, and feeding inappropriate materials to pets though. And do you really want to start a neighbor war?

My grandfathers neighbor objected to his (legal) large Newfoundland Dog “Joey” and threw a poisioned steak over the fence, this was heartbreaking for our family, as Joey was a sweet, loving, cherished pet that migrated west with the family across the country. Neighbor just didn’t like big dogs because of some personal reason.

Definition of “satire” from dictionary.com

satire
[ sat-ahyuh r ]
noun
1: the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.

2: a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and viceare held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
a literary genre comprising suchcompositions.

I think you missed the mark there a little. @TheBlueShepard . Though I do see where you’re coming from. Read “a modest proposal” by Jonathan Swift for an excellent example of good satire.

Edit to add: you would need to be more absurd and excessive, if you were aiming for that kind of shock/satire... you were too reasonable sounding in both the tone and the suggestions and thus people are inclined to take it at face value, creating the controversy/misunderstanding. The tone can be reasonable if the content is absurd enough

I am familiar with the works of Mr. Swift. Thank you for your well crafted, civil, and scholarly response.