BYC Café

[sourland]

Good morning, Cafe', and thanks for the coffee.

 

[DobieLover]

Good morning Cafe and thanks for the coffee LF.

Yesterday was a very nice day. High near 50 and I had a window and the patio door open for a nice breeze through the living area (stove was going so it had gotten a bit too warm in the house). Bella had to get her rabies vac yesterday and was drooled and doted over by the vet and her tech. Then we went to breakfast at the River Rock Cafe in Owego and finished our coffees out on the deck, basking in the sun watching the muddy Susquehanna flow past.
Then we came home to meet with an old friend who does commercial solar installation to discuss installing solar here.
Then we went down to the fields to run the dogs. They ran into 4 friends and Bella ran herself into the ground with them.
Then home for dinner.
Then the wheels fell off the wagon.
I got very frustrated with DH as he kept persisting with stripping down to his t-shirt just to take a pee. I threw up my hands and said "I give up", turned around, washed my face and got ready for bed. He finally came to bed and was very quiet then started crying and trying to say "it's time for the ladies". What he meant was it's time to move into the Homesteads, where the other residents are ladies. We both spent a lot of time crying and me apologizing for loosing it and telling him he didn't do anything wrong, that it's all my fault. But I did tell him I've reached my breaking point.
We have decided that he will move to his new home June 1, when we get back from the beach in DE.

 

[sourland]

Good morning Cafe and thanks for the coffee LF.

Yesterday was a very nice day. High near 50 and I had a window and the patio door open for a nice breeze through the living area (stove was going so it had gotten a bit too warm in the house). Bella had to get her rabies vac yesterday and was drooled and doted over by the vet and her tech. Then we went to breakfast at the River Rock Cafe in Owego and finished our coffees out on the deck, basking in the sun watch the muddy Susquehanna flow past.
Then we came home to meet with an old friend who does commercial solar installation to discuss installing solar here.
Then we went down to the fields to run the dogs. They ran into 4 friends and Bella ran herself into the ground with them.
Then home for dinner.
Then the wheels fell off the wagon.
I got very frustrated with DH as he kept persisting with stripping down to his t-shirt just to take a pee. I threw up my hands and said "I give up", turned around, washed my face and got ready for bed. He finally came to bed and was very quiet then started crying and trying to say "it's time for the ladies". What he meant was it's time to move into the Homesteads, where the other residents are ladies. We both spent a lot of time crying and me apologizing for loosing it and telling him he didn't do anything wrong, that it's all my fault. But I did tell him I've reached my breaking point.
We have decided that he will move to his new home June 1, when we get back from the beach in DE.

I didn't know whether to comment love or sad over this. I chose love. I saw my sister go through this same progression with my BIL who was the nicest man in the world until he became ill. She, who is up for sainthood, eventually lost patience with him. All as a result of just being worn down. Some of us like to 'fix' things, and this can not be fixed. Please don't beat yourself up. I view you as superhuman, but just remember that 'human' is part of that word.

 

[Sally PB]

We have decided that he will move to his new home June 1, when we get back from the beach in DE.

I didn't know whether to react with love or tears either. I wish there were words I could say, but there aren't any.

 

[LaFleche]

Good morning Cafe and thanks for the coffee LF.

Yesterday was a very nice day. High near 50 and I had a window and the patio door open for a nice breeze through the living area (stove was going so it had gotten a bit too warm in the house). Bella had to get her rabies vac yesterday and was drooled and doted over by the vet and her tech. Then we went to breakfast at the River Rock Cafe in Owego and finished our coffees out on the deck, basking in the sun watching the muddy Susquehanna flow past.
Then we came home to meet with an old friend who does commercial solar installation to discuss installing solar here.
Then we went down to the fields to run the dogs. They ran into 4 friends and Bella ran herself into the ground with them.
Then home for dinner.
Then the wheels fell off the wagon.
I got very frustrated with DH as he kept persisting with stripping down to his t-shirt just to take a pee. I threw up my hands and said "I give up", turned around, washed my face and got ready for bed. He finally came to bed and was very quiet then started crying and trying to say "it's time for the ladies". What he meant was it's time to move into the Homesteads, where the other residents are ladies. We both spent a lot of time crying and me apologizing for loosing it and telling him he didn't do anything wrong, that it's all my fault. But I did tell him I've reached my breaking point.
We have decided that he will move to his new home June 1, when we get back from the beach in DE.

Reading this just brought me to tears, and it brings back so many memories of the time my FIL lived with us.

 

[DobieLover]

I view you as superhuman, but just remember that 'human' is part of that word.

I don't feel human anymore. And I haven't felt super in so long I can't remember.
I wonder if I'll ever find my way back to me.
I wonder how long I'll be so depressed and stressed and worried about him.
This whole situation sucks any way you look at it.

 

[Sally PB]

I wish I could give you a real hug in person, DL.

 

[aart]

I don't feel human anymore. And I haven't felt super in so long I can't remember.
I wonder if I'll ever find my way back to me.
I wonder how long I'll be so depressed and stressed and worried about him.
This whole situation sucks any way you look at it.

You are a human, who is in incredible pain caused by grief and loss and maybe most of all, powerlessness. You've always been a 'fixer' but this can't be fixed, only endured.
Do you have any counseling and/or support group resources to take advantage of?

 

[DobieLover]

Do you have any counseling and/or support group resources to take advantage of?

Three whole entire sessions offered by EAP. After that I'll pay full price until I hit my $1,825 deductible.
I haven't called. I don't know which one to pick and I don't have time to go unless I take him with me. So maybe after the move, I'll look into this more.

 

[Mtn Margie]

Self-doubt and criticism are what makes us human, DL. We worry when we can't control what happens to the people we love and care about and we get overwhelmed, angry, and depressed when that continues for a long time. It happens and you have to cut yourself a break from the guilt. You guys did the right thing by just being honest with each other. Your DH is an amazing person and you are too! Hugs and love!